I realized I can't do it before my parents pass away ... What about you?

[Mopey]

I graduated and got a job recently and.... Suddenly, I feel responsible for my parents.

They've always been good to me (well atleast overall) and, even though they don't need me financially, there's something about growing up that has made me feel incredibly compelled to stick it out just for their sake. I don't know why this has changed since I've become financially independent, I don't know what's different.

I just know that I can't fantasize about ctb anymore and I can't do mock runs of my preferred method without their faces flashing before me...

I don't enjoy life and I'm not intent to enjoy it but... I feel committed to keep at it for them. we're doing okay financially but I think I'll keep at my job, so we have extra money just in case it's needed. They've had a fulfilling life and I want to make sure they grow old comfortably with all their needs satisfied. And once they pass away, hopefully peacefully or atleast as peacefully as I can make it, I bury them, then I'll check out myself.

The downside is they're not that old, heck even my grandparents are still alive. so like... Fuck, I guess I'm in it for the long haul.

Am I the only one that feels like this?

 

[Sensei]

I'm in the same predicament, but my parents are very old. They would be devastated if I killed myself. I don't really know what to do.

 

[Quinlor]

Me too. We must be patience to not hurt emotionally our parents...

 

[Secrets1]

This has been a dire year and as its gotten worse every month one of my parents has scratched, kicked and clawed to try and keep me here. A big part of it is for their own mental well-being however I can't ignore the over the top effort to try to help me in a way that could be in my best interest, not simply what someone else wants me to do.

They have a reasonable amount of living left on earth and I could not commit to sticking that out. For now it's 1 day at a time, no emailing A. It almost already happened and unless my life changes course I'd expect to ctb while they're alive, but have experienced a large part of their life with me in it and without the pain of my suicide. If the status quo continues for my life I think people I love will do better with acceptance although it will still be traumatic.

 

[Sherri]

I have everything set up. Just waiting for that day that will trigger it, could be months could be days. I understand people who get along with parents they don't wanna see them suffering. Should be the other way around, I'm glad you get along with your parents and love and care so much about them that you're willing to wait. Hugs.

 

[Kramer]

That used to stop me but I don't care anymore. I would have to live another 20 yrs possibly to outlive them both. I'm not living into my 50s

 

[Quinlor]

That used to stop me but I don't care anymore. I would have to live another 20 yrs possibly to outlive them both. I'm not living into my 50s

The other option is leave your home...and emancipate yourself from your parents

 

[Kramer]

The other option is leave your home...and emancipate yourself from your parents

I'm a grown man so that's not an issue for me

 

[Quinlor]

I'm a grown man so that's not an issue for me

So you're free!

 

[Amumu]

No I only think about my last grandparent who is still alive.
I have siblings so my parents will have to cope with my death.

 

[massiveblackhole]

im the only daughter in my family - my mum would be devastated and heart broken if i ctb so im trying hard not to while she's still alive but its hard

 

[jensrij7]

My mom already died and she would be most devasted. So that makes it easier

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Used to care about how it might affect my mom but not anymore even though she's much nicer than my dad. Making my dad suffer would be a bonus because I'd love to be able to blame him in my Suicide note.

 

[bad_luck]

I feel exactly the same. The thought of my mother having to grieve me is probably my biggest obstacle to CTBing. Once she's gone... all bets are off.

 

[western_heart]

Yes, I hate the thought of hurting my parents, especially my mom. They've been housing me for a few years and seem genuinely happy to do so. Since they want me around & I don't seem to be a significant burden right now, I feel less urgency to CTB

 

[FuneralCry]

I know they would be sad, but there is nothing I can do about it. Suicide is a pain cycle - to end mine, it passes it on to someone else. A problem for me is that my parents are always around, so I risk being found and therefore the method might fail. This holds me back.

 

[Deadboy]

I find it hard to deny that I am living for the sake of others. For this instance I only have my mom. She tried very hard to make sure we had food on the table. With each day I get closer to reconsider. The feeling of being a burden out weighs it.

 

[Rabhen]

There is one cat and one human I have been staying around for. The time has comes I can no longer take the suffering, the cat is sick and dying and the human has to work a job now where I am left alone all day, every day, six days a week, which is a bad fucking shock since August when this happened, for seven years before August we all lived together in a tiny semi truck, driving all over the country delivering food 24 hours a day, seven days a week, but we were all together all the time and we were all happy. We were starving and would never be able to build a house on our tiny property, but we were never home and we were all together and occassionally we got to visit the beach, or volcanos, go on hikes in the mountains for an hour or so at the rest stop at Donner Pass, free things outside that we love to do together. Now, I am locked in a room all day, everyday, alone with a cat that is sick and does not want to go for walks anymore like she used to and the new cat does not ask to go for walks like she did. I am ready. My human does okay without, he will do better without me dragging him down, I am a detriment to his life and if I am not here to force my little baby to eat several times a day and give her the medication, she will pass quickly. I am ready to go. Please open the door and let me out.

 

[BlackCatTalk]

I dont have parents, only my sister AND actually my boyfriend, bit indeed nobody gives a shit

 

[fatefulstillness]

I have people I deeply worry about. I honestly don't know how things will unfold and it scares me. This is all torture, every day. I know I can't outlive them all, so someone will be stuck with the suffering. I wish I could prevent that, I wish I could take it away. But I know I can't do it for much longer, I've endured this for too long.

Eventually, I won't be able to keep holding on. Eventually, everything will fall apart for me, and suicide won't be just a dream anymore. I can feel it as I breathe, I'm walking a path that can't take me anywhere else and I just hope, I hope, I hope I'm not miscalculating how far I'm from dying. This is my one true terror.

 

[ClownMe]

I'm the same, but instead of my parents it's my dog.

 

[Nolan96]

It's hard to think of hurting grandparents too in the end of their lives when they don't have much left to hold on to.

I suppose those of us who feel this way should consider ourselves lucky we have any family who care about us and vice versa. It can be a heavy burden to bear though, especially if you're also worried about being a disappointment.

 

[Ticket 2 Heaven]

My parents have other children.