Venting I quit. Thanks for understanding.

[InvasionOfPublicity]

Well, I feel like my time has finally come. I am making my preparations to CTB soon. I've been really struggling for the longest time and I'm making peace with the knowing that it's finally over. I am holding a sense of calm and gratitude that all the suffering I've endured up until this point will finally come to an end.

It's a relieving feeling, coming to terms with my decision, after everything that I haven't chosen that has caused me great frustration and unhappiness.

I don't really know the steps for preparing what I want to do, but I know that I need to do it soon. I could use a little guidance or a nudge in the right direction.

Some few things for the coming days:
- Getting rid of my personal belongings. Anything that would make me re-think my decision or pull me back.
- Preparing my CTB method. (I am looking into SN, Cyanide, Shotgun, or exit bag. I am not sure which is best at the moment.)
- Writing any last messages/final thoughts. It will be extremely difficult for my family, so I want to minimize any additional confusion from not knowing what happened or why.
- Enjoying my last few weeks as much as possible.

I'm beyond actively suffering and being disappointed with life. It's just a numbness now. I don't see anything good on the horizon, whether for myself, my family, or the human race as a whole. If the last 25 years of my life were a hint at what the next 25 are going to be, I want to do everything I can to avoid it. I see CTB as a way of being proactive, taking some appropriate measures against the downward trend that is existing.

That's enough yapping from me. I would love to just spend the next few weeks maybe getting to know folks here, sharing stories, or talking through our own experiences.

I'm so thankful to anyone reading this. In a different lifetime, we could have been close friends.

 

[Deepdense]

What do you do if it fails?

 

[monetpompo]

What do you do if it fails?

important question everyone on sasu needs to come to grips with even if their attempt seems foolproof, you can still survive and have pretty much nothing left. that's why i haven't sold/given away stuff that's important to me, like my digicams. i don't know what i would do with myself if i got rid of them. there's always a chance that you survive unless you have a gun.

 

[InvasionOfPublicity]

well, i haven't really thought of that, but i guess if I failed/survived, I would just try again. I am a pretty calculated person so I know while there is a chance of survival, I would do everything to minimize it. Worst comes to worst, there's always jumping from a high place.