Story I put minimum effort in everything I do because what's the point?

[myrtaryniel]

This is the last year my parents will be maintining me/paying for my education, and i'm pretty sure i'm gonna spend it smoking weed, getting drunk and not doing shit to summarize. That's what I did last year. It started off pretty well, I actually had a bit of hope because things were kind of going my way for the first time in my life, but everything ended up going south like it always does.
I'm tired of trying. I know i'm smart, I know I could pass all my courses if I just put in some effort and stopped with the bullshitting everything, but it's hard. I'm always sad. Everything I do, I have to do it with this thought in the back of my mind: what's the point of this suffering? What's the point on putting this much effort into anything if I know i'm always gonna be sad like this? Been to therapy for years, i'm currently taking meds, and I really, really tried to beat my depression as hard as I could. And all of that for nothing. My life are just like ashes flying in the wind, without a direction nor a purpose.

So, i'm pretty sure this is gonna be my last year alive. I'll waste away the little life I have left and then go to a mountain or a forest and kill myself. I don't even care about my family or friends anymore. My mom has finally gotten out of her abusive marriage and I know my brother will take good care of her, and she was my only concern.

I have no reasons left to live, I never had, but I've finally accepted it.

 

[nooo2]

This is my last year too, I'm hoping to do it before December. Sorry that you had to end up feeling this way, but at least we're at peace with our decision.

 

[LifeOver]

Same. I find my life to be boring and pointless. I do the minimal to avoid suspicion that I am in immediate danger of suicide