I pray a lot

[Tintypographer]

I've lived my whole life with the dichotomy if being a hard scientist and an old school Catholic. I wanted to be a scientist from the time I was 3 watching Jacques Cousteau on PBS and my mother and father were scientists and engineers respectively. I believe completely in the church and my faith. I'm a terrible evangelist and never try to convert anyone. I pray every day for many things, for other people, for my nutso wife, for my kids, for my friends and most often for the suffering in my brain and emotional to be over. I hate feeling like crap.

I rationalize that God must have a reason and I just haven't figured it out yet but I also keep hurtling toward catching the bus.

It's so hard to know what to do when you want to never be alive anymore.

 

[SipSop]

I've lived my whole life with the dichotomy if being a hard scientist and an old school Catholic. I wanted to be a scientist from the time I was 3 watching Jacques Cousteau on PBS and my mother and father were scientists and engineers respectively. I believe completely in the church and my faith. I'm a terrible evangelist and never try to convert anyone. I pray every day for many things, for other people, for my nutso wife, for my kids, for my friends and most often for the suffering in my brain and emotional to be over. I hate feeling like crap.

I rationalize that God must have a reason and I just haven't figured it out yet but I also keep hurtling toward catching the bus.

It's so hard to know what to do when you want to never be alive anymore.

Is not much, but we see you, and we understand you.
This community has done wonders for me. If you are in pain, I hope that by reading this you will feel slightly better.
Have a good day.

 

[GerMann]

Well, l lost my faith. If God exist he does not care a lot on this earth, there was and is so much violence and hate from humans in the name of God. My sisters pray everyday, it gives them Peace. For me, there is to much facts which seems to much manipulated from the past, and also the holy books, Koran, Bible... seems God loves to be sarcastic?

 

[yetme]

yeah, I prayed alot and cried in pain too. He never listened. If God exists, he is a sadist.

 

[nerve]

Me too.

I keep praying for some sort of guidance since it's not like I have any idea what to do at this point. I wonder a lot if God wants me to ctb because it would somehow result in something much better occuring, or if I'm being challenged to go against the world's "don't kill yourself" message for some reason.

It hurts so much to have no answers, and that's really all faith is. Having no real answers.