I posted my opinion on suicide in another, very different support group and it was... received...

[ArtsyDrawer]

I will not reveal where, obviously, as it would reveal my name and my face.
This odd feeling of somebody getting ahold of my name and my looks feels kind of reminiscent of the old times where one would use a person's true name to cast a hex on them.
Still, as I said, I posted my opinion on suicide in a disease support group of sorts and it was received somewhat better than I've expected.
Perhaps the most notable thing about this group is their "you're in my prayers" tendency. Certainly, I do not mean to bash on religious people. Their prayers are the strongest... thing... they can offer a person on the internet during a time of crisis without actually physically being there.
Going out of your way to help a complete stranger fifty miles away, let alone thousands of miles, who you've never heard of until now is practically unheard of.
Even Rihanna (I think), who promised to pay some college student tuitions in full if said students get a C or above and show her proof of it didn't do this for fun, nor because she's a kind-hearted person. This was a calculated PR move to put her in the light. It did the job quite well. The side effects - more college students passing college successfully and getting good jobs, at least compared to what they could've gotten without a college degree in hand, is a mere afterthought

After getting sick to the core of these people's guilt-tripping others who decided it is their time, or that they simply can't keep going further, I got angry enough to post my opinion. The group's occasional toxicity is getting disgusting.

Me, personally? I've been there. I'm still in that hole.

All I see is that when people say this disease makes them want to commit suicide, which is disturbingly, yet somehow, not unexpectedly high within our circles, other people start guilt-tripping. Disgustingly, I might add.
Certainly, a mother leaving her children behind is a fucked up tale. It always is.
A father found in a garage having hanged himself after finally giving in? Just typing those words out gave me shivers. My own father, after being maybe-diagnosed with diabetes had lost the light of his eyes.
One day somebody is going to have to deal with finding my lifeless corpse in some field and calling cops and then explaining to these cops that they did not kill me. Explaining a corpse is something nobody wants to do.

I'm not advocating for suicide here, all I ask is to try to understand. Certainly, to some extent, we understand each other, but not fully. I, for example, cannot fathom what goes in the minds of those who reply to posts of suffering with "the disease doesn't control you or define you, you define you! Don't let the disease define who you are!" with a good ten or twenty heart emojis of various kind following. There are also posters with the same notion.
I cannot understand these people, not truly. It is the same as saying "well, have you tried just buying a house?" to the homeless.
When I reply to posts of suffering, I reply with "Just keep marching, brave soldier!" because that's what I do. That's the only thing I can do. The pills do not better me, they barely keep me stable.
To retort, I was promised some magical surgery that may or may not better me - a temporal lobectomy.
The words of the surgeon's secretary (she dresses like one, at least), "don't worry, you don't have any control over whether or not you get it. You either fit or you don't, so don't worry about it!" still haunt me, and every time I go to that hospital for yet another checkup and a chat with the neurologist that treats me now and sends me to various fetch quests for more and more papers, those words echo in the back of my mind. I cannot bring myself to "not let the disease define me", as so many people advise. All I can do is chainsmoke, sit, bring the guy papers every so often, and pray.

---

"The so-called 'psychotically depressed' person who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!', can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling." - David Foster Wallace

I got sick and tired to see all the guilt-tripping that I no longer care about being banned from said group. While it does help to a degree, there are literally hundreds and thousands of them. This one seems to be a strange obsession with god and praising it despite creating a disease that makes people almost five times more prone to suicide.

 

[Asteria109]

I get what you mean


Ive found that other more "open" groups about suicide discussion either fall into the religious side (which i dont despise , i wish i had a belief in something like that to comfort me) or theyre content with simply placating the problem and are more interested in feeling superior under the guise of making a difference , any actual input from someones whos suicidal is quickly drowned out by a million links and phone numbers to the same places.

Despite them being hardly very helpful

Idk , i think im over being mad at people in general not understanding suicidal thoughts , theres no malice in their hearts

At least id like to think that


Sorry for the rant , im not very good with words irl or online

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Update: it was WELL RECEIVED.
The comment floodgates have opened and people agree that this disease makes people kill themselves because it's a horrible disease.
People agree that those who choose to ctb should not be judged, but still don't judge on their ideals of religiousness and how suicide is evil. They did admit that suicide is an option, which is a weirdly progressive thing coming from a religious person's mouth.