neurotic
I'm doing very well
- May 24, 2023
- 104
I have no idea who I am anymore because of imposter syndrome.
Everything I do is fake and a lie. But today, a girl at my work asked me how I was doing today and out of literally no where I told I haven't been doing good for months. I started shaking and tearing up. For the first time in a long time it felt so good to be finally be honest with myself and stop lying to people when they ask. I think she genuinely cared, but she was working and I didn't want to say too much like I always do. I've been thinking about it all day today.
On my drive home, for the first time in a year, I felt how I really felt inside. I couldn't fully comprehend it because my mind wouldn't let me focus on what exactly changed/happened to me, but I know that I'm completely mentally broken and destroyed. I felt like a beaten dog. Typing this is making me cry but I'm happy that somewhere deep down I'm still me.
Everything I do is fake and a lie. But today, a girl at my work asked me how I was doing today and out of literally no where I told I haven't been doing good for months. I started shaking and tearing up. For the first time in a long time it felt so good to be finally be honest with myself and stop lying to people when they ask. I think she genuinely cared, but she was working and I didn't want to say too much like I always do. I've been thinking about it all day today.
On my drive home, for the first time in a year, I felt how I really felt inside. I couldn't fully comprehend it because my mind wouldn't let me focus on what exactly changed/happened to me, but I know that I'm completely mentally broken and destroyed. I felt like a beaten dog. Typing this is making me cry but I'm happy that somewhere deep down I'm still me.
