Defenestration
I want to have the courage to defenestrate myself
- Oct 25, 2020
- 1,159
no work
no passion
Single
no activity
I spend my days staring at bullshit on the internet. I no longer want to make the slightest effort. I spent 20 to 35 years trying to heal but it didn't work...and for the last 2 years I've been letting myself go. I'm lazy.
I arrive at the paradox that I am almost happy when I am bad because it brings me closer to suicide. obviously because of the SI I stay alive and I don't ctb the last moment, but as I haven't made an effort to get better, I remain unwell.
obviously I would prefer to be well but as I cannot cure my psychological problems when I am well it lasts a few days and then I fall back...
I am not bad only drunk or codein...but its not a solution
GOD PLEASE KILL ME...
no passion
Single
no activity
I spend my days staring at bullshit on the internet. I no longer want to make the slightest effort. I spent 20 to 35 years trying to heal but it didn't work...and for the last 2 years I've been letting myself go. I'm lazy.
I arrive at the paradox that I am almost happy when I am bad because it brings me closer to suicide. obviously because of the SI I stay alive and I don't ctb the last moment, but as I haven't made an effort to get better, I remain unwell.
obviously I would prefer to be well but as I cannot cure my psychological problems when I am well it lasts a few days and then I fall back...
I am not bad only drunk or codein...but its not a solution
GOD PLEASE KILL ME...