Venting I never thought I would love this long and now I don't know what to do

[TheLastGreySky]

Like the title says I never thought I would live this long and now I don't know what to do.
First I turned 18.
Now I'm 33 and well...
I'm still fucking up.

But it's not just me that's broken, it's this society that is two-faced, superficial and fake.
We live in society where people pretend to care about human rights and completely ignore the human rights that are not popular ATM. We have a society that pretends to be interested in politics, and whenever something good is done by the other party it's completely ignored.

Like, I feel like I'm a conscientious objector to this plane of existence. It's rotten and sooooo damn boring. Like I spent 17-28 living for thrills, and since 28 onward I've struggled with episodes of numbness that come and go almost randomly and last from a couple days to a couple months.

I don't know what I want.
But frankly, there is no freedom in anything but slavery to the master you choose. And I don't see any viable alternative than to be a drifter in this earthly trashcan.

I've done it all, and I say that sincerely...
There is nothing left for me to do but find my place in the mundane and endless routine of life.

I just wanted to vent, but I really do want to take a second and let everyone know that there are some things out there that are so good that you'll wish you never tried them, because nothing beats that first time. And you can spend your whole life chasing after a feeling that will never come again.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

But it's not just me that's broken, it's this society that is two-faced, superficial and fake.
We live in society where people pretend to care about human rights and completely ignore the human rights that are not popular ATM. We have a society that pretends to be interested in politics, and whenever something good is done by the other party it's completely ignored.

I think you care too much about stuff you absolutely have no influence on! It's about your personal life, you personal life situation. Even if local politics decide things that are "positive" for a whole country - as an avg citizen you won't feel the difference.

I always ever cared about myself my personal success and how I could achieve that - not on things I have no influence on anyway.

There's a biological routine of life: eating - sleeping - reproducing to keep the species alive. That is the bare minimum from a biological POV. Everything es is induced by the society we live in. I wouldn't care so much about things I cannot change at all rather than of the life I have.