Venting I need to ctb this week. I can no longer sustain the situation I have put myself in.

[That's Not Me]

I think I am ready to ctb. I am as ready as I was last time. This time I will look for some very small hostel. I am also considering ctb at home, something I never considered. I guess I don't care as much as I used to. Today my mom came in quite pissed off about my situation. The worst part is that everything she said is true. If only she knew that the things she said are the only things I think about throughout the day. I feel deeply guilty for my procrastination to ctb, but at the same time deeply sure of what I want, maybe even more than before. All I need is to make some updates in my note and wait for the right moment, if all goes well, later this week. I can already feel my heart filling with joy for finally taking the reins of my destiny.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do understand why you would feel so relieved at knowing that everything is coming to an end. I hope that when the time is right for you to leave this world you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[MovingOn]

Do you want to talk about your situation? Just to make sure you aren't being too hasty

 

[That's Not Me]

Do you want to talk about your situation? Just to make sure you aren't being too hasty

Thank you for being so kind, but I don't think I am being hasty. I have been thinking about it for at least 8 months and planning for at least 4. When I failed last time it was for practical reasons, not due to uncertainty. You can feel secure about this. My biggest obstacle now is finding a place. My only doubt is whether I really want to do this at home.

 

[Thisisntitdawg]

I think I am ready to ctb. I am as ready as I was last time. This time I will look for some very small hostel. I am also considering ctb at home, something I never considered. I guess I don't care as much as I used to. Today my mom came in quite pissed off about my situation. The worst part is that everything she said is true. If only she knew that the things she said are the only things I think about throughout the day. I feel deeply guilty for my procrastination to ctb, but at the same time deeply sure of what I want, maybe even more than before. All I need is to make some updates in my note and wait for the right moment, if all goes well, later this week. I can already feel my heart filling with joy for finally taking the reins of my destiny.

Hey dude please don't do this. A lot of people on this forum act like suicide is a good thing but it's not. Your mom loves you even if she doesn't show it sometimes. Just be honest with her and tell her how you feel, and she will try to help you. Try therapy, try antidepressants, do anything else besides committing suicide. Your life is valuable. You are valuable. I'm not online often but please message me if you need to talk.

 

[That's Not Me]

Hey dude please don't do this. A lot of people on this forum act like suicide is a good thing but it's not. Your mom loves you even if she doesn't show it sometimes. Just be honest with her and tell her how you feel, and she will try to help you. Try therapy, try antidepressants, do anything else besides committing suicide. Your life is valuable. You are valuable. I'm not online often but please message me if you need to talk.

Wow. I didn't expect to find a post like this right here. First of all, I think you believe that I am somehow doing this as a form of revenge or "to get back at" my mother. I will take some of the responsibility for you thinking this. The rushed way I wrote the post certainly contributed to this, but I have to tell you that you couldn't be more wrong. I am doing this because I am simply not made for this world. Sometimes things can be much more complex than we suppose. I know my parents love me and I believe I made it as clear as possible in my note that nothing I did was in any way influenced by any of their attitudes (I posted a few weeks ago if you want to read it). I believe you have taken this position with as much good will as your heart can allow, so I apologize if anything I say here sounds like an attack, but what makes you think you know what is best for me more than I do myself? Again, I believe you only want to help, but don't you realize how arrogant it is to assume that your decision-making ability is better than mine? What makes you think that I have never tried therapy, antidepressants or anything else? I've been at it for many years now and have tried everything that medicine has to offer. In all this time, I have met few people with as much desire to get better as I have, but it turns out that things can really be much deeper than they appear. I thank you for your good will, but if your goal is really to stop people from killing themselves, you are probably in the wrong place.