Venting I Need to CTB, Soon - No More Putting It Off

[SpeckofDust]

I can't write a lot at one time because severe depression has robbed me of energy. For now, I need to state that I have no money, no job, no healthcare, and no ability to "fix" anything at this point (to name a few of the issues). I should have been deceased back in May after an attempt, but that failed, and I've been on "borrowed time" ever since. I was supposed to CTB tonight, but I have so little energy, I can't do it. I have no purpose, no hope, and no desire to remain trapped in this situation. I feel invisible as it is. Why can't I just close my eyes and never wake up? Just let the Earth swallow me and make it so I just disappear?

 

[Trav1989]

What method(s) are you considering? Some require a lot of energy and know-how while others are hardly more than flipping a switch.

 

[SpeckofDust]

I'm going the firearm route. I need to clean and load it. I also need to put out all of the paperwork and notes, and hang up the signs (waste management people are going to have to call the cops for me). I have a few other steps to take before I get in position and pull the trigger. It would all be so easy for me to do if I weren't practically bed ridden.

 

[Nikitatos]

Dust in the wind. That's all we are.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also just wish to disappear from this cruel, painful existence, if it's up to me I'd choose to completely erase my existence, I understand just wanting to never wake again. But anyway I hope that you find peace from the suffering.