Help I need help. I'm losing my mind

[Viktor]

I feel like i'm losing my mind. I need to talk to somebody.

 

[talktomeee]

what's going on?

 

[Viktor]

Meretlein replied to me. Talktomeee, is it ok to talk on PM?

 

[talktomeee]

yes. please pm

 

[Icarus]

Viktor, you can pm me

 

[Viktor]

Thank you all. I'm chatting with meretlein. I'll definitely contact you all. I havent been talking to anyone for days.

 

[Viktor]

Talktomeee, I still cant send PMs but I can answer if you send me. Are you still here?

 

[Moon Flower]

You can pm if you like

 

[Viktor]

I'm not that psyched anymore but still very tense. I feel horribly empty and my heart aches every time I wake up (5 hours ago). Then comes the severe anxiety, heavy breathing, shaking and nausea. I am very afraid I won't have the mental strength to get the necessary things for ctb.
I've been staying awake and alone nights for maybe a week not talking to anybody. At some point I realized I have to act more normal than I am, to prepare for ctb, but the anxiety is so strong i just cant force myself.
3 hours ago I asked my father to take me to the doctor tomorrow to ask for a perscribtion for Ketamine.
I'm planning to get up tomorrow before the time i dream my nightmares and hopefully i wont feel that horrible so that I can go to the doctor.
EDIT: I wanted to talk to someone just to be able to calm down because the feeling of inadequacy is extreme. I'm 33 years old

 

[Sweet emotion]

I'm not that psyched anymore but still very tense. I feel horribly empty and my heart aches every time I wake up (5 hours ago). Then comes the severe anxiety, heavy breathing, shaking and nausea. I am very afraid I won't have the mental strength to get the necessary things for ctb.
I've been staying awake and alone nights for maybe a week not talking to anybody. At some point I realized I have to act more normal than I am, to prepare for ctb, but the anxiety is so strong i just cant force myself.
3 hours ago I asked my father to take me to the doctor tomorrow to ask for a perscribtion for Ketamine.
I'm planning to get up tomorrow before the time i dream my nightmares and hopefully i wont feel that horrible so that I can go to the doctor.
EDIT: I wanted to talk to someone just to be able to calm down because the feeling of inadequacy is extreme. I'm 33 years old

Hey there. If you live in America there is no way a doctor is going to give you a prescription for ketamine. I know there are many forms of it. I used to get ketamine infusions to try and help with my complex regional pain syndrome. And I know there are ketamine lollipops but you have to have a serious pain issue. I'm 34 years old.

I know how bad the anxiety can be. You feel paralyzed by it and the thought of living even one more minute scares the shit out if you. Living scares the shit out of you. I'm up mostly every night myself. Alone just living in my head...all my thoughts running wild. I live with my mother because she has to care for me with some of the things I can't physically do and sometimes I get so scared I just have to wake her up. But she's such a heavy sleeper it doesn't work. So that is when I stuff myself with Xanax and put on a show that I like so it feels like people are with me. I know about the heavy breathing and the shaking. The dizziness even. You feel like you're the last person on Earth.

I also know what it's like to not talk to anyone. I've been isolated for 14 years due to my pain condition and it feels like solitary confinement. Sometimes I think I'm going to go crazy. Every day is the same. There is no hope for the future and it's very scary.

Maybe you could ask your doctor for Xanax. You could tell them you're having truble sleeping and have anxiety. It's a much better bet than trying to get ketamine. I wish you the best and I hope your situation imrpoves.

 

[Viktor]

Hey there. If you live in America there is no way a doctor is going to give you a prescription for ketamine. I know there are many forms of it. I used to get ketamine infusions to try and help with my complex regional pain syndrome. And I know there are ketamine lollipops but you have to have a serious pain issue. I'm 34 years old.

I know how bad the anxiety can be. You feel paralyzed by it and the thought of living even one more minute scares the shit out if you. Living scares the shit out of you. I'm up mostly every night myself. Alone just living in my head...all my thoughts running wild. I live with my mother because she has to care for me with some of the things I can't physically do and sometimes I get so scared I just have to wake her up. But she's such a heavy sleeper it doesn't work. So that is when I stuff myself with Xanax and put on a show that I like so it feels like people are with me. I know about the heavy breathing and the shaking. The dizziness even. You feel like you're the last person on Earth.

I also know what it's like to not talk to anyone. I've been isolated for 14 years due to my pain condition and it feels like solitary confinement. Sometimes I think I'm going to go crazy. Every day is the same. There is no hope for the future and it's very scary.

Maybe you could ask your doctor for Xanax. You could tell them you're having truble sleeping and have anxiety. It's a much better bet than trying to get ketamine. I wish you the best and I hope your situation imrpoves.

This is as close to my situation as I have ever heard another person to be. Excluding the pain problems. And I'm sorry you're also experiencing this.
Right now i'm feeling not myself and cant even feel any emotions (only a tension and a headache)
How are you feeling right now? Can I send you a PM?
I read online that doctors prescribe Ketamine for treatment resistant depression. Are you sure they wont prescribe? I'm in a small city in Canada.
Also thank you for the Xanax suggestion. I'll ask the doctor about that too

 

[Sweet emotion]

This is as close to my situation as I have ever heard another person to be. Excluding the pain problems. And I'm sorry you're also experiencing this.
Right now i'm feeling not myself and cant even feel any emotions (only a tension and a headache)
How are you feeling right now? Can I send you a PM?
I read online that doctors prescribe Ketamine for treatment resistant depression. Are you sure they wont prescribe? I'm in a small city in Canada.
Also thank you for the Xanax suggestion. I'll ask the doctor about that too

Yes you can PM me any time. I honestly don't know how the whole ketamine thing works in Canada. I mean it's a very powerful sedative. They used to put down horses with it but you can always ask about it. I'm just sitting up right now wanting to go to sleep but can't so down will go another Xanax. I have to get up super early to go to my aunt's house for the entire damn day because a bunch of electricians are coming over to make a ton of noise in the basement and this building I live in is a piece of shit and you can hear everything and I have the pain mostly in my ears and head. So staying here would out me in serious pain. So since I don't haVe a smart phone because what's the point since I can't talk on one anyway...I still have one of those little flip phones just to call people when I need them. So I may not get your message until Saturday. But if I'm not too tired and in too much pain I might be on. I woke up today at around 2:30 p.m. and just thought....well soon it's going to be night and there will be no sleep and then then the day will come and I'll do it all over again. Just the same damn thing all over again. Over and over and over. You know when you tell someone how alone you feel and they say, don't worry you're not alone. Those are sweet words but they don't really get the job done do they? I'm alone in my own head with my own thoughts and my own worries and my own misery. I will talk to you soon.