I

I'm exhausted

Living in constant fear. I need cats!!
Jul 12, 2019
596
I'm homeless in NYC. I'm fortunate enough to have a friend that lets me stay with them but my time is up. I need a place to go so I can die. Currently waiting to see if I can get a partner because I also don't want to go alone but regardless I will be going by end of the month.

I would need my own space so I don't cause my friend trouble but I don't have a car nor money for a motel/hotel. I have few methods in mind but the most realistic way would be partial or chokehold. But I would like to have at least one day of peace inside a room just eating food I enjoy before I go. So ideally I would like a place for a day or two and then go.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I thought about going to respite center but I don't know if they'll accept me due to my past experiences there- they rejected me because they couldn't give me the care I needed.
 
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D

Deleted member 1465

_
Jul 31, 2018
6,914
I'm so sorry to hear this. I've no suggestions for you, I'm sorry. I just wanted to offer my thoughts.
 
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JimFord99

JimFord99

Enlightened
Aug 18, 2019
1,047
I'm homeless in NYC. I'm fortunate enough to have a friend that lets me stay with them but my time is up. I need a place to go so I can die. Currently waiting to see if I can get a partner because I also don't want to go alone but regardless I will be going by end of the month.

I would need my own space so I don't cause my friend trouble but I don't have a car nor money for a motel/hotel. I have few methods in mind but the most realistic way would be partial or chokehold. But I would like to have at least one day of peace inside a room just eating food I enjoy before I go. So ideally I would like a place for a day or two and then go.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I thought about going to respite center but I don't know if they'll accept me due to my past experiences there- they rejected me because they couldn't give me the care I needed.
Have you considered dying in nature, in a forest or near a lake? A cave, an abandoned building? A deserted mountain site? If you don't want to die alone, use the partners thread of this forum. I am considering this option myself, actually.
 
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L

lymbo

Arcanist
Oct 12, 2019
483
ys there a reason you are homeless? llness?
 
I

I'm exhausted

Living in constant fear. I need cats!!
Jul 12, 2019
596

Have you considered dying in nature, in a forest or near a lake? A cave, an abandoned building? A deserted mountain site? If you don't want to die alone, use the partners thread of this forum. I am considering this option myself, actually.

I have already posted there and reached out to some. It's hard to get to outdoor nature areas even though that would be nice.
ys there a reason you are homeless? llness?


Yes. I'm diagnosed with 12 mental illnesses and I'm disabled and pretty much bedridden from mostly anxiety and phobias. I wasn't qualified for disability because I had to take care of my dying father and mother.
 
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blue

blue

Member
Jul 21, 2019
67
I'm homeless in NYC. I'm fortunate enough to have a friend that lets me stay with them but my time is up. I need a place to go so I can die. Currently waiting to see if I can get a partner because I also don't want to go alone but regardless I will be going by end of the month.

I would need my own space so I don't cause my friend trouble but I don't have a car nor money for a motel/hotel. I have few methods in mind but the most realistic way would be partial or chokehold. But I would like to have at least one day of peace inside a room just eating food I enjoy before I go. So ideally I would like a place for a day or two and then go.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I thought about going to respite center but I don't know if they'll accept me due to my past experiences there- they rejected me because they couldn't give me the care I needed.

I'm also in NYC. I know this isn't what you're asking for, but if you ever feel up to PMing me, perhaps there is something I can do to help you improve your situation.
 
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waterbottleman

waterbottleman

Not a person
Sep 30, 2019
721
I live near a big city as well.

However where I live there are a lot of forests and places for hikers.

I'm considering buying a shotgun, going to a forest alone, and blowing my brains out.

Sorry I can't help, I've never been to NYC before. Good luck though, hope you find somewhere that works for you.
 
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I

I'm exhausted

Living in constant fear. I need cats!!
Jul 12, 2019
596
I live near a big city as well.

However where I live there are a lot of forests and places for hikers.

I'm considering buying a shotgun, going to a forest alone, and blowing my brains out.

Sorry I can't help, I've never been to NYC before. Good luck though, hope you find somewhere that works for you.

My ideal place to die would be at a botanical garden surrounded by animals. Like snow white and her forest animals.

Thank you, hope you find peace too.
 
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T

Thisisjustadream

Member
Nov 3, 2019
72
I live near a big city as well.

However where I live there are a lot of forests and places for hikers.

I'm considering buying a shotgun, going to a forest alone, and blowing my brains out.

Sorry I can't help, I've never been to NYC before. Good luck though, hope you find somewhere that works for you.
That sounds like my plan but i dont have a shotgun i will have to buy an antique gun
 
Meant2Die

Meant2Die

Specialist
Nov 8, 2019
307
My heart bleeds for you as I always think about how bad the homeless have it. I'm on the east coast too so I know how cold it's been now that the fall is here. Thank god you have a friend with a place for the moment. I'm sorry I can't help further, I dont know of any places for free.
 
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I

I'm exhausted

Living in constant fear. I need cats!!
Jul 12, 2019
596
H
My heart bleeds for you as I always think about how bad the homeless have it. I'm on the east coast too so I know how cold it's been now that the fall is here. Thank god you have a friend with a place for the moment. I'm sorry I can't help further, I dont know of any places for free.

Thank you but I'm getting evicted at the end of the month. So the worst months to be outside. I'd rather have been homeless during the summer months. Also my friend does things to trigger me. Everything triggers me . I actually should've had a place by now. I was working with an advocate and case manager for almost a year. I was told it's take about six months. And they kept delaying and submitted my application the day before the deadline and because the pages weren't in order they had to resubmit. But it was rejected because of the submission date. And they resubmitted three weeks after they initially rejected me. Meanwhile I have another homeless person their contact info and got a one bedroom within two months. And they have the nerves to say how incredibly patient I am. I am at my limit. I've been saying I'm hanging off a cliff holding onto a thread. Oh and this person "claims" he can't work because of noise issues when he sleep but it's not every night. He said he plays with his kids everyday and when I asked what else he does, no mention about trying to get a PT job even working for like Postmates with flexible hours. He gets the priority. And hes a creep. Yes i am bitter right now because I've been diagnosed with severe OCD, MDD, GAD, PTSD, trauma, mild OCPD, emotion dyregulation, panic disorder, BPD, AGORAPHOBIA and mysophobia. I might have one more but at this point I can't keep track. I've done therapy and meds. My ex dumped me because I was a burden. My life is falling apart. I became disabled when my parents died and I don't qualify for disability because I had to take time off from work to take care of my father. I've been hospitalized 5 times, doctors ridiculing me and threatening me, and therapists ghosting on me. I couldn't save my parents' belongibgs and now all my stuff would be auctioned off. I experience nausea, pain in my eyes from ulcer, double vision, blind spots, tmj, foot pain, meltdowns, hyperventilating, panic attacks, depersonalization, insomnia, I don't trust myself likey eyes and memory, all mt past assaults are constantly attacking me like flooding in my brain, dizzy, lightheaded, loss of appetite, and a bunch more everything I do becomes a compulsion. My fear is making mistakes, forgetting, dropping and losing things especially sentimental items, so erotibg this is a trigger in itself and compulsion to write everything. I've tried self erp which is the gold standard treatment for OCD, meds but that's like a bandaid on a deeply infected stab wound that needs stitches, I. Constantly told just get over it or i just need a hug or I was able to do things before vut you don't tell a leg amputee that they were able to walk before so walk. And OCD being misunderstood I tell the. You don't say "I'm so cancer" because you coughed and people get offended. And the therapy available is like telling a cancer patient to get treated by a general practitioner. I've tried art therapy, psychotherapy, act, dbt, CBT, and others. But it doesn't help anx there's just so much I can do especially with my phobia of becoming the victim of nonconsensual pornography. I'm still processing from my past assaults, I don't want to feel anymore violated. Had the residential treatment facility accept me six years ago when everyone, therapists and specialists told me that's what I need, then I wouldn't have been where I am now. But no they rejected me because I needed to try different therapies and different level outpatient care. I became homebound/bedridden after my parents died. I really needed it. Now I qualify but reject me because I can't afford them. Medicare could've paid fpr one of the facilities but ofcourse I didn't qualify, another location wants me to pay one months stay and get treatment before I can apply for financial assistance but I wouldn't be needing it if i can. I don't get it. I even said people who need this level of care can't really work, I can't he the only one with no family so how do they afford and they ghost on me. There's just so much I can do on my own. Some i did came back much worse which made my insomnia worse. On a bad night I wake up every 45mibs-hour. On a good night every 3hours. Another location wants me to pay the evaluation fee which is non refundable and only qualify if seeing interns is enough. But I've already had that. I'm so tired.



And I just wanted to get better and work and chase my dreams and passion. It sucks knowing what your purpose in life is when you can't do anything.
My heart bleeds for you as I always think about how bad the homeless have it. I'm on the east coast too so I know how cold it's been now that the fall is here. Thank god you have a friend with a place for the moment. I'm sorry I can't help further, I dont know of any places for free.

Thank you but I'm getting evicted at the end of the month. So the worst months to be outside. I'd rather have been homeless during the summer months. Also my friend does things to trigger me. Everything triggers me . I actually should've had a place by now. I was working with an advocate and case manager for almost a year. I was told it's take about six months. And they kept delaying and submitted my application the day before the deadline and because the pages weren't in order they had to resubmit. But it was rejected because of the submission date. And they resubmitted three weeks after they initially rejected me. Meanwhile I have another homeless person their contact info and got a one bedroom within two months. And they have the nerves to say how incredibly patient I am. I am at my limit. I've been saying I'm hanging off a cliff holding onto a thread. Oh and this person "claims" he can't work because of noise issues when he sleep but it's not every night. He said he plays with his kids everyday and when I asked what else he does, no mention about trying to get a PT job even working for like Postmates with flexible hours. He gets the priority. And hes a creep. Yes i am bitter right now because I've been diagnosed with severe OCD, MDD, GAD, PTSD, trauma, mild OCPD, emotion dyregulation, panic disorder, BPD, AGORAPHOBIA and mysophobia. I might have one more but at this point I can't keep track. I've done therapy and meds. My ex dumped me because I was a burden. My life is falling apart. I became disabled when my parents died and I don't qualify for disability because I had to take time off from work to take care of my father. I've been hospitalized 5 times, doctors ridiculing me and threatening me, and therapists ghosting on me. I couldn't save my parents' belongibgs and now all my stuff would be auctioned off. I experience nausea, pain in my eyes from ulcer, double vision, blind spots, tmj, foot pain, meltdowns, hyperventilating, panic attacks, depersonalization, insomnia, I don't trust myself likey eyes and memory, all mt past assaults are constantly attacking me like flooding in my brain, dizzy, lightheaded, loss of appetite, and a bunch more everything I do becomes a compulsion. My fear is making mistakes, forgetting, dropping and losing things especially sentimental items, so erotibg this is a trigger in itself and compulsion to write everything. I've tried self erp which is the gold standard treatment for OCD, meds but that's like a bandaid on a deeply infected stab wound that needs stitches, I. Constantly told just get over it or i just need a hug or I was able to do things before vut you don't tell a leg amputee that they were able to walk before so walk. And OCD being misunderstood I tell the. You don't say "I'm so cancer" because you coughed and people get offended. And the therapy available is like telling a cancer patient to get treated by a general practitioner. I've tried art therapy, psychotherapy, act, dbt, CBT, and others. But it doesn't help anx there's just so much I can do especially with my phobia of becoming the victim of nonconsensual pornography. I'm still processing from my past assaults, I don't want to feel anymore violated. Had the residential treatment facility accept me six years ago when everyone, therapists and specialists told me that's what I need, then I wouldn't have been where I am now. But no they rejected me because I needed to try different therapies and different level outpatient care. I became homebound/bedridden after my parents died. I really needed it. Now I qualify but reject me because I can't afford them. Medicare could've paid fpr one of the facilities but ofcourse I didn't qualify, another location wants me to pay one months stay and get treatment before I can apply for financial assistance but I wouldn't be needing it if i can. I don't get it. I even said people who need this level of care can't really work, I can't he the only one with no family so how do they afford and they ghost on me. There's just so much I can do on my own. Some i did came back much worse which made my insomnia worse. On a bad night I wake up every 45mibs-hour. On a good night every 3hours. Another location wants me to pay the evaluation fee which is non refundable and only qualify if seeing interns is enough. But I've already had that. I'm so tired.



And I just wanted to get better and work and chase my dreams and passion. It sucks knowing what your purpose in life is when you can't do anything.
I'm sorry it was long and disorganized. My phone crashed a few times and loud noises and my friend triggers me and I become dizzy and disoriented.
 
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Meant2Die

Meant2Die

Specialist
Nov 8, 2019
307
NO need to sorry, we all need to vent. I've done it many many MANY times, the sad part comes when you do it in hopes of things changing and it doesn't bc you wake up the next day and life is still shit. Sorry to be a downder, but ive accepted my fate, CBT is a def for me.
 
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