Story I more or less wont CTB

[CuriousAboutThis]

The partner that I had decided to change his mind he will stay for his kid and I will more or less stay for family and friends' sake because even though part of me wants to live while the other part of me wants to die unless you want to kill me and find me all on your own by looking through my data with a painless and quick death or by shotgun to the back of my skull shoot me dead out of good measure from the back of my head and heart five times then, shit, that would be one hell of a way to go but in reality I don't think I can do it on my own we all know though that suicide is a contradiction selfish, selfless, cowardly, and courageous and whatever you believe in or don't towards suicide I don't believe suicide to be a sin personally but I will still live in Madison, Wi so if you do have a shotgun and wish to help me talk to me first via this or however you choose to contact me but honestly I don't think anyone in the US will help me with suicide for I am more or less willing to give life another try sure death is scary and terrifying and peaceful depending on the method but I don't think I can do that.

 

[Hopeless_soul]

for I am more or less willing to give life another try

All the best luck to you. Keep strong.

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

All the best luck to you. Keep strong.

I'll try because I know humanity all too well I'll still visit this site for as long as I can pay rent and cable because suicidal thoughts always come back so I might just use this to ventilate.

 

[Hopeless_soul]

so I might just use this to ventilate.

You are welcome here for whatever you want to talk about; whether is ctbing or living. I believe I'm having second thoughts as well, sometimes. But I think more than that it's the survival instinct reproaching my intentions. I'm very lost right now. Had a panic attack yesterday, and the only way I could calm down was thinking that this was going to be over soon.