I miss my ex, would it be weird of me to leave a note behind for her?

[brokenbutterflies]

I had an incredibly intense relationship that ended very suddenly. I met my ex in a psych ward, probably not the best start lmao, and she is still in one. We don't talk anymore because she said I was "too much" for her to handle and she thinks she is also too ill to be in a relationship, which I fully respect and also realised myself not long before she ended it.

The thing is, I still love her and I know she still loves me. We spoke about it in depth and ended on a positive note, wishing each other well for the future and she still sends me hearts and stuff if I post on Instagram and sometimes messages me saying she hopes I have a good day etc. We're not as close anymore obviously, we went from calling every day and talking all day every day to the occasion message. So in any other situation I would just leave it be.

My only worry is that as it hasn't been that long since we split (only a few weeks), I'm worried if I don't leave a not she will blame herself, or think our breakup contributed to my decision, which it hasn't as I was planning it before. Is it worth leaving a note for her to make sure she knows she is not to blame at all? I know she blames herself for her best friend dying in the same way last year, which is another reason I'm worried it might be weirder to not leave one than to leave one.

What are your thoughts?

 

[toforigivelife]

Is it possible that she will never learn of your passing? If she'll never be aware that you opted to end your life then I would not leave a note for her.

The human mind is tricky. A fragile, troubled mind is even more tricky and even though she understands where you're coming from as far mental health you can't be sure what effect your suicide would have on her and you may not want to leave the knowledge of your death with her.

If you think that she will hear that you died by suicide you will have to put a lot of thought into the note that you leave her. A lot of thought.

Did the two of you have heart to heart discussions about suicide? Was there a genuine meeting of the minds regarding whether or not someone has the right to end their own suffering? Does she understand and agree with the concept of a person's right to make a decision regarding their quality of life?

If you leave her a note you are going to have to be crystal clear that this was your own personal choice and that this choice had nothing to do with her or anyone else.

You spent time with her, I didn't.

Again, if you don't think she'll find out that you decided to opt out of life then I wouldn't leave a note. You've had a hard journey and her journey is still ahead of her and you can't be sure how the news of your suicide will affect her.

 

[brokenbutterflies]

Is it possible that she will never learn of your passing? If she'll never be aware that you opted to end your life then I would not leave a note for her.

The human mind is tricky. A fragile, troubled mind is even more tricky and even though she understands where you're coming from as far mental health you can't be sure what effect your suicide would have on her and you may not want to leave the knowledge of your death with her.

If you think that she will hear that you died by suicide you will have to put a lot of thought into the note that you leave her. A lot of thought.

Did the two of you have heart to heart discussions about suicide? Was there a genuine meeting of the minds regarding whether or not someone has the right to end their own suffering? Does she understand and agree with the concept of a person's right to make a decision regarding their quality of life?

If you leave her a note you are going to have to be crystal clear that this was your own personal choice and that this choice had nothing to do with her or anyone else.

You spent time with her, I didn't.

Again, if you don't think she'll find out that you decided to opt out of life then I wouldn't leave a note. You've had a hard journey and her journey is still ahead of her and you can't be sure how the news of your suicide will affect her.

Thank you for your reply. Yes she'd definitely find out about my death, as she knows my friends and my mum and they'd definitely post about it. We did speak about suicide and luckily she has similar views to me, I know she'd be heartbroken but I also know she believes people should have the right to choose what they do. If I could find a way to make sure she never found out I would in a heartbeat, because I know it will hit her hard. I wish I could prevent her from suffering because of my decision but I know there's no way to prevent her from knowing.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

Oh wow that is a tough one, if you are absolutely sure on your decision I would leave a note personally. I know there are a lot of "what ifs" when someone commits suicide and I just think a note clears things up as much as possible for those left behind. Could you just leave a note in general not to any one person saying "this was my own decision I'd been planning for a long time, no one else is to blame or could've stopped this" etc.?

 

[toforigivelife]

Thank you for your reply. Yes she'd definitely find out about my death, as she knows my friends and my mum and they'd definitely post about it. We did speak about suicide and luckily she has similar views to me, I know she'd be heartbroken but I also know she believes people should have the right to choose what they do. If I could find a way to make sure she never found out I would in a heartbeat, because I know it will hit her hard. I wish I could prevent her from suffering because of my decision but I know there's no way to prevent her from knowing.

If she will hear of your death then maybe leaving a note for her is good idea.

Like I said though, just make sure that she understands that you have come to the conclusion that this is the best choice for you - a conclusion that I came to for myself today - that you've tried to find a solution but couldn't.

Make sure that certain things are made clear to her.

I find that it's helpful if you compare it to a person who is dying of terminal physical illness and who has decided to stop seeking treatment in a situation where there's no hope, only suffering.

Because people have been brainwashed by the media's constant chanting of "Just don't do it!" while failing to mention that sometimes mental illness is not treatable and dying of mental illness is as valid as dying of a physical illness we are not allowed to have the same kind of conversations with people that we would be allowed to have if we had an illness of the body rather than an illness of the mind - people might understand the stage four cancer or other types of fatal physical illness comparison or metaphor more easily.

I'm so sorry that you are in the position that you have to write this note. I truly am.

But if you come to a decision write your friend a note that is as comforting as possible and that will prevent any possible future feelings of maybe there was something she could've done to help.

I hope I'm not encouraging you to die by suicide.

I'll continue to keep a good thought for you but I understand your suffering and firmly believe that you have a human right to make a decision about your own well being and I respect your right to make that decision.

All my best to you my friend. Wish I could do something to help you with what you're going through, wish I had the answers and a solution.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that I would personally see it as being for the best to write the note so the person left behind would not be left with unanswered questions and they would have some understanding and an explanation as to why you chose to do this. I hope that you find relief from your suffering in whatever happens.