i miss him

[gizzreid]

i just want to talk to him. it's been over a week. i know he probably hates me and that's why he ghosted me but i just wanna talk to him. i'm terrified of the reaction though. he has the power to completely destroy my emotions and that's why i haven't yet. my body physically aches constantly because of the heartbreak. why did he have to do this? why can't we just talk?

 

[Rational man]

If he has the."power.to destroy your emotions",quote, why do you allow these thoughts?

 

[Worndown]

While I understand, there are times when we need to get angry at the situation and strike out on your own. If he hurt you and has basically abandoned you, it is time to move on. It is easy to be very comfortable in a situation and rely on it too much.
You are now in a new situation and need to take control of it. Go out and mingle with the world. If that is outside your comfort zone, this might be helpful too. Check online for people or groups with shared interests. Go places they may be.
It will be hardest the first day. Humans are very adaptable and really survive change better than they imagine.

 

[gizzreid]

If he has the."power.to destroy your emotions",quote, why do you allow these thoughts?

i just cannot get my mind off of him.

While I understand, there are times when we need to get angry at the situation and strike out on your own. If he hurt you and has basically abandoned you, it is time to move on. It is easy to be very comfortable in a situation and rely on it too much.
You are now in a new situation and need to take control of it. Go out and mingle with the world. If that is outside your comfort zone, this might be helpful too. Check online for people or groups with shared interests. Go places they may be.
It will be hardest the first day. Humans are very adaptable and really survive change better than they imagine.

i didn't want to rely on him. i told him so many times i was too scared to and he said he'd never leave and that he wanted me to rely on him. he was always so reassuring and kind. i am the reason this happened. i'm a shitty person and i don't wanna put that on everyone else, he's an amazing person and he deserves nothing less than the best

 

[painfulwords]

I completely understand what you're going through. Adding to that, I am passing through the same thing. Having depressive episodes, mental breakdowns, wondering why he left me just for a minor problem. But let me tell you something: it's not our fault.

I don't know what you're feeling right now, but I know that it must be horrible. The feeling that someone isn't interested in you the same way you are in them is just something that could break you down. I have to warn you that it won't be the last time you'll feel like this. There's a lot of people in this world who tell you something but they mean the opposite of it. They want you to be in the palm of their hands just to increase their egos, using you as an object to fullfil the void in them. You don't deserve someone like this.

There are a lot of people who says that we're bound to be in love. We're built to feel this way - pain, loneliness, emptiness without them - and with them, only joy and hope for a better future. But I think this isn't easy. "Broken" people aren't bound to love others. People that are depressive whose energy is to heal others don't have to pass through this. You deserve someone who understands what you're passing through and is willing to help you in this journey.

Just one advice: don't send ANY messages to him. He don't deserve you. I can tell that you're kind and wonderful. Do not let yourself down just because of someone like him, because he don't deserve you. Even if you try to solve things, trust me, he won't identify what he did wrong if he don't want to keep going with this. Someone with an empty personality, being pretty or not, isn't worthy of someone like you.

Like I said, I'm going through the same thing, so you can count on me. You will get over this. Good luck ⁠♡

 

[gizzreid]

I completely understand what you're going through. Adding to that, I am passing through the same thing. Having depressive episodes, mental breakdowns, wondering why he left me just for a minor problem. But let me tell you something: it's not our fault.

I don't know what you're feeling right now, but I know that it must be horrible. The feeling that someone isn't interested in you the same way you are in them is just something that could break you down. I have to warn you that it won't be the last time you'll feel like this. There's a lot of people in this world who tell you something but they mean the opposite of it. They want you to be in the palm of their hands just to increase their egos, using you as an object to fullfil the void in them. You don't deserve someone like this.

There are a lot of people who says that we're bound to be in love. We're built to feel this way - pain, loneliness, emptiness without them - and with them, only joy and hope for a better future. But I think this isn't easy. "Broken" people aren't bound to love others. People that are depressive whose energy is to heal others don't have to pass through this. You deserve someone who understands what you're passing through and is willing to help you in this journey.

Just one advice: don't send ANY messages to him. He don't deserve you. I can tell that you're kind and wonderful. Do not let yourself down just because of someone like him, because he don't deserve you. Even if you try to solve things, trust me, he won't identify what he did wrong if he don't want to keep going with this. Someone with an empty personality, being pretty or not, isn't worthy of someone like you.

Like I said, I'm going through the same thing, so you can count on me. You will get over this. Good luck ⁠♡

he's not like that though. he never has been. i haven't been a good partner to him and this fight was probably just the final straw for him. he is a really good and loving person and he was great to me. he works part time and was literally gonna give me $100 just to help me out a couple weeks ago.

 

[painfulwords]

he's not like that though. he never has been. i haven't been a good partner to him and this fight was probably just the final straw for him. he is a really good and loving person and he was great to me. he works part time and was literally gonna give me $100 just to help me out a couple weeks ago.

Sorry for assuming the way he was. He probably was overloaded with his own problems, so he couldn't help you the way he wanted to. He probably feels the same way as you do right now, but it's better for you both to give him some time. Hopefully he will return with news and reestablish contact again, but I still recommend to not send him messages. Everything will be okay.

 

[gizzreid]

Sorry for assuming the way he was. He probably was overloaded with his own problems, so he couldn't help you the way he wanted to. He probably feels the same way as you do right now, but it's better for you both to give him some time. Hopefully he will return with news and reestablish contact again, but I still recommend to not send him messages. Everything will be okay.

don't be sorry, it's hard to get everything out in one post. i plan to CTB tomorrow night so i don't know. my plan currently is to text him a bit before taking it, if he wants to talk (or says he wants to talk, just at a later time) i'll hold off. i'm not doing it because of him, i planned on doing this long before i was ghosted and he knows how much i wanna die because i've explained it in depth to him more than once, but i was holding on a bit longer because he's the only person who gives me hope and strength, he's the only person i can completely unmask with too, i feel like myself with him. but if i don't get him then there's no use in holding on, so if he straight up just turns me away i'll do it then. it'll likely send me into an episode which makes my SI pretty much nonexistent. i already wrote him his note, i wasn't gonna give him one at first because 1) i'm already dead, that'll hurt enough, i wouldn't wanna hurt him more and 2) i have no clue how he's feeling now so why give him the humanity of telling him how i feel? but i asked reddit and many people whose loved ones CTB and didn't leave a note basically were begging me to write one, because not knowing or having any closure is the worst part. if he doesn't wanna read it i guess he doesn't have to, but i just want him to have it.

 

[painfulwords]

don't be sorry, it's hard to get everything out in one post. i plan to CTB tomorrow night so i don't know. my plan currently is to text him a bit before taking it, if he wants to talk (or says he wants to talk, just at a later time) i'll hold off. i'm not doing it because of him, i planned on doing this long before i was ghosted and he knows how much i wanna die because i've explained it in depth to him more than once, but i was holding on a bit longer because he's the only person who gives me hope and strength, he's the only person i can completely unmask with too, i feel like myself with him. but if i don't get him then there's no use in holding on, so if he straight up just turns me away i'll do it then. it'll likely send me into an episode which makes my SI pretty much nonexistent. i already wrote him his note, i wasn't gonna give him one at first because 1) i'm already dead, that'll hurt enough, i wouldn't wanna hurt him more and 2) i have no clue how he's feeling now so why give him the humanity of telling him how i feel? but i asked reddit and many people whose loved ones CTB and didn't leave a note basically were begging me to write one, because not knowing or having any closure is the worst part. if he doesn't wanna read it i guess he doesn't have to, but i just want him to have it.

Yeah, i agree with them. Leaving a note is somehow a way to say everything you wanted to, and then you can die peacefully knowing that you did what you could. Like you said, it's his choice to read it or not, but, based on the things you've said to me, he will. Don't worry about it, just write what you have to write calmly and try to stay with clear conscience after that.
If you plan to CTB soon, good luck with that. May you find the peace you're searching for.