Venting I might never gain enough confidence

[Gaga786]

According to my observations, the key to success is confidence in one's abilities. All of my successful peers are either arrogant or self-assured about their beliefs. My self-esteem was shattered as a result of neglect, bullying, and verbal abuse.There were times when I was dubbed "the school's failure." Everyone wanted to know my test results; they would steal my test paper during a break or loudly complain to the teacher that I hadn't done my homework.They thought it was amusing, and there was a general consensus that I would fail my class and have to repeat the school year, whereas all of my peers would pass and move up a grade. Knowing that no one liked me, including the teachers, and that I have absolutely no talent, I began to despise myself and convinced myself that I am completely useless. I felt subdued my entire life because I was singled out and teased out of all 90 students in my class. It became "trendy" to despise me as I was passed from one seat to the next because no one wanted to sit next to such a loser as me. Sitting alone in class and during break culminated into social anxiety. Now, I don't have any fundamentals or base to lean on, as I grow up and take a stand against this world- I feel helpless. School was the institution where I was supposed to learn all the basics needed for life. How can I ever obtain a job, give a interview, handle bills,drive, and travel? it makes zero sense to me. It might be best if I leave this world than continue.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is horrible how humans can create so much suffering and make the lives of others much worse. It sounds so awful what you have had to endure, it really is such a cruel existence and the truth is that there is nothing fair about this life in any way. But I wish you the best.

 

[Pluto]

I also went through chronic bullying at school, and at home, too. Being the universal (metaphorical) punching bag, I coped by escapism and avoidance. I failed a year level and eventually quit school altogether before completing. I've ended up working lowly jobs and being socially isolated ever since, despite showing signs of talent in my youth.

The only advice I can give is that you are capable of more than you think. In fact, self-talk is the main limiting factor. If you are able to get any source of mentoring or guidance, you will easily achieve the basics. But achieving a genuinely fulfilling life from this point is harder. Ideally, you'd be able to sue the school for negligence; a message of accountability needs to be sent.

 

[Gaga786]

I also went through chronic bullying at school, and at home, too. Being the universal (metaphorical) punching bag, I coped by escapism and avoidance. I failed a year level and eventually quit school altogether before completing. I've ended up working lowly jobs and being socially isolated ever since, despite showing signs of talent in my youth.

The only advice I can give is that you are capable of more than you think. In fact, self-talk is the main limiting factor. If you are able to get any source of mentoring or guidance, you will easily achieve the basics. But achieving a genuinely fulfilling life from this point is harder. Ideally, you'd be able to sue the school for negligence; a message of accountability needs to be sent.

Thank you. It's just that my anxiety encapsulates me into a vicious cycle.Im frightened of everything now

 

[Pluto]

I do understand that. I had an early bad experience with a psychologist who was only there to help my family give me a BS diagnosis to cover up my PTSD symptoms and defend my tormentors. I lost all faith in the system.

However, there are good professionals out there and this would be the only hope of bringing change to the situation. I only found this out 25 years later, by which time the horrors of ageing had already sealed my fate. If you are able to access any sort of support, it is likely the only possible hope from this point. Otherwise, there comes a point where there is virtually no choice but to CTB.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

No doubt kids can be some of the worse assholes in this world. They just don't think about, nor care, what their actions have on others long-term mental health. Unfortunately, this has always been the case. It is unfair and I am so sorry that you were put through this. You don't deserve it. No one does.