Venting I might have to do it sooner than i wanted & im really scared guys please help

[sadstuffie]

2 days after Christmas & i find out my partner (kinda) is giving me 2 fucking weeks to get out & find a place of my own. this is after we spent christmas together & we honestly had a great time.
this is devastating because she told me she would never do this unless she knew I had a safe place to go. wellll, now I dont.
I'm sorry it's just hard cause of covid I havent been able to find another job. so I have no where near the funds to pay for an apartment by myself right now.
i think I'm gonna have to go ahead & buy my SN in the morning. I just cant stop crying. im not sad over the relationship (I dont care anymore & she's abused me so much both mentally & physically), I'm sad because I dont wanna be homeless.
pls help omg I'm freaking out.
do you think the world will miss me?
is dying really just it?
I'm so scared guys.
I cant stop crying. I have told no one about my other attempts.
i dont wanna die right now. I had finally started making money & saving up for a place, but now it is all just ruined. omg im gonna actually die.

 

[Ghost2211]

That's an awful position to be put in. My ex tried to do that to me too. Are you on the lease?

 

[KleinerWolf]

Don't panic.
You don't have to die.

just need to sort out a new housing situation,
and go from there.

 

[botanormal]

I am so incredibly sorry you have found yourself in such a difficult situation. If you really don't want to die, please don't feel pressured into anything right away because of this, even if the situation seems hopeless right now. Is there anybody else you would be able to stay with for a while? Perhaps friends/family, or even a shelter you could use for a while whilst you saved up the funds. Or perhaps you could try to reason with your partner, if it is a shared house you have, then you shouldn't be forced into leaving anyways. But if not, do you think there's any chance she'd change her mind if she understood what you're going through? I have no idea what kind of person she is, although if she's been abusing you it doesn't sound like the best place to be regardless. And it isn't fair at all that you had to put up with that, you absolutely did not deserve it.

I'm sorry if I'm just sharing things you've already tried, I'm just hoping there'll be some other way for you, especially if dying is not something you want right now. We all deserve the right to choose, and for such a big decision I think it should be done with 100% certainty, so if there's absolutely anything else you can try first, I hope you'll be able to do that. Your feelings are completely justified, I can only imagine how scary this must all feel for you. If you ever need to talk, we're all here for you, okay? I'm seriously wishing you the best of luck, and I'm sending you the biggest hugs right now.

 

[neitherherenorthere]

I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation. It must be terrifying to be suddenly faced with the prospect of homelessness. It sounds like you were already in a shitty situation and this is just kicking you while you're down. It INFURIATES me that people can hold so much power over others that they can drive someone to suicide.

It's easy for me to say this from across the internet, but if you're not ready to die, then don't. Don't buy the SN tomorrow. You still have time to figure out new housing, and the SN will still be there if you still need it, though I hope it doesn't come to that.

Just take a minute and breathe. Right now, you still have a place to stay. You'll still have a place to stay tomorrow, and the next day. Try and get some sleep for now and you'll be able to think a bit clearer when you get up in the morning.

I don't know what country/area you're in, but there may be emergency services available for situations like this. There are definitely organizations out there to help people get out of abusive relationships that give people a place to stay while they get back on their feet and help with relocating as needed.

Do you have any friends or family who you can crash with for a bit, just to give yourself enough time to find a more permanent place to live? You could also check out couchsurfing.com, though idk how many people are hosting couchsurfers during the pandemic. There are also housesitting situations available--one site I've seen is https://www.trustedhousesitters.com, but there are probably others.

There are definitely ways to find people to split the rent with. Craigslist always has lots of people looking for roommates or for people to sublet from them... sometimes you can even find people who are just renting out a room in their house for cheap.

There has to be a way out of this for you that doesn't involve SN. I wish I could help more, I'm so sorry.

 

[muffin222]

I'm so sorry you're in this terrible situation. I was put into a very similar predicament and wanted to kill myself over it as well. But, please don't do anything rash or feel pressured to die over this if you don't genuinely want to. Do you have any family members or friends who will offer you a place to stay temporarily until you get back on your feet?

How about local homeless shelters in your area? I know that many shelters aren't accepting people due to covid, but it's worth investigating for yourself just in case a shelter nearby is open. You do have options in this situation other than ctb, though it may not feel that way right now. I'm sending you hugs

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I want to give you hug after hug because I can feel your pain in this situation. I'm so sorry all this has happened and that it has caused you to feel this way.

I'm going to latch on to the idea that you don't want to die, since you expressed that emphatically in your post. Things were on the upswing for you. This is a setback to be sure, but one that can be overcome. I know you're overwhelmed with emotion right now. Have you considered all your resources to help you through this rough patch? All you need is a temporary fix to allow you to get back to the positive actions you were previously celebrating.

And I don't know details about your relationship, but it sounds like your partner has been abusive and manipulative. Escaping that living situation sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you, even if it means delaying some of the other progress you were making. I don't mean to diminish the severity of your situation, but sometimes it does help to focus on the silver lining and chart a new course based on that.

 

[dissolvedgirl]

Everything will be alright in the end

 

[Tired_Tired]

People only missed live people, not dead people. Do you still miss your grand grand parents?

 

[Amisorih]

I get impression, that you don't need too much help. Maybe your situation will be better. I hope you don't do any impulsive decision during this extremely hard time.

Two weeks is a very short deadline. Maybe your ex could give you some extra time, if you can show her a realistic plan, how you can find a new place in two months. Are there any (religious?) organizations, who could help you? Do you have any relative, whom you could borrow money, if you have a realistic plan to pay him back soon?

In my country it would be illegal to kick somebody out with such a short notice. Of course, if you stay against her will, she might cause you a lot of harm. I have a lot of experience of dishonest and cruel women [OffTopic - I have also meet many immoral men - OffTopic]. But you could maybe consider, whether she is even able to force you out into cold so soon.

Maybe there is a solution, you haven't found yet. I wish you best.

do you think the world will miss me?

I think, this is not important question at the moment. You still have at least two weeks to find a solution. And even homeless people can continue living. But I give you my honest answer. I think the world will miss most of us for a very short while. After that all our achievements and miseries will be forgotten. I don't know, if I can do anything good in the world. But I won't worry about that, when it is my time to leave. At least I did, what I though was right. I hope we both will have several decades left.

 

[kiki666]

Don't you have any family member who can take you in for a while? For God's sake and all that nonsense, don't worry, it doesn't exist and you shouldn't think about it for a second. the important thing is to find a place where you can live even temporarily.

 

[Nodscene]

2 days after Christmas & i find out my partner (kinda) is giving me 2 fucking weeks to get out & find a place of my own. this is after we spent christmas together & we honestly had a great time.
this is devastating because she told me she would never do this unless she knew I had a safe place to go. wellll, now I dont.
I'm sorry it's just hard cause of covid I havent been able to find another job. so I have no where near the funds to pay for an apartment by myself right now.
i think I'm gonna have to go ahead & buy my SN in the morning. I just cant stop crying. im not sad over the relationship (I dont care anymore & she's abused me so much both mentally & physically), I'm sad because I dont wanna be homeless.
pls help omg I'm freaking out.
do you think the world will miss me?
is dying really just it?
I'm so scared guys.
I cant stop crying. I have told no one about my other attempts.
i dont wanna die right now. I had finally started making money & saving up for a place, but now it is all just ruined. omg im gonna actually die.

Sorry you are going through this, it can't be easy. I sadly don't have any answers but I wish you the best and hope things work out for the best.

 

[sadstuffie]

That's an awful position to be put in. My ex tried to do that to me too. Are you on the lease?

no I am not

Don't panic.
You don't have to die.

just need to sort out a new housing situation,
and go from there.

I'm sorry. I have lots of anxiety & I do tend to panic. still trying to calm down

I am so incredibly sorry you have found yourself in such a difficult situation. If you really don't want to die, please don't feel pressured into anything right away because of this, even if the situation seems hopeless right now. Is there anybody else you would be able to stay with for a while? Perhaps friends/family, or even a shelter you could use for a while whilst you saved up the funds. Or perhaps you could try to reason with your partner, if it is a shared house you have, then you shouldn't be forced into leaving anyways. But if not, do you think there's any chance she'd change her mind if she understood what you're going through? I have no idea what kind of person she is, although if she's been abusing you it doesn't sound like the best place to be regardless. And it isn't fair at all that you had to put up with that, you absolutely did not deserve it.

I'm sorry if I'm just sharing things you've already tried, I'm just hoping there'll be some other way for you, especially if dying is not something you want right now. We all deserve the right to choose, and for such a big decision I think it should be done with 100% certainty, so if there's absolutely anything else you can try first, I hope you'll be able to do that. Your feelings are completely justified, I can only imagine how scary this must all feel for you. If you ever need to talk, we're all here for you, okay? I'm seriously wishing you the best of luck, and I'm sending you the biggest hugs right now.

thank you, what you said really made me feel better! um well she frequently does stuff like this. she always changes her mind. she has threatened to both break up with me & kick me out SEVERAL times over stuff that in my opinion is stupid. for example, this time it was because I offered to buy dinner for us both as a Christmas present since she got me so many gifts & I hadn't had a chance to get her anything. she explained to me later that she just felt bad she couldnt get us food instead of me offering. shes quite crazy sometimes.

I'm so sorry you're in this terrible situation. I was put into a very similar predicament and wanted to kill myself over it as well. But, please don't do anything rash or feel pressured to die over this if you don't genuinely want to. Do you have any family members or friends who will offer you a place to stay temporarily until you get back on your feet?

How about local homeless shelters in your area? I know that many shelters aren't accepting people due to covid, but it's worth investigating for yourself just in case a shelter nearby is open. You do have options in this situation other than ctb, though it may not feel that way right now. I'm sending you hugs

thank you for your support. my family is very physically abusive towards me so that is why I no longer live with them. tbh the fear of going back to them is one of my top reasons to CTB. what sucks is for all the times they hit me & yelled at me, they've never apologized to me.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Nobody here is going to help someone who doesn't want to die and is really scared find a way to CTB. So don't worry, we're not going to make it easy for you.

If you're not sure you want to die, then make sure you don't. What you need now is a place to live. That's all. It's a big thing, sure, but it's one thing. Is there anything you can sell or hock to get some quick cash? Get on Craigslist and see what you can find for quick housing. You just need a place to stay temporarily - you can always move up and out later. Is there something you can do to exchange a place to stay for some labor? Could be housekeeping, companion services, housesitting, or child care. These often come with a stipend and room and board.

Call local churches and ask if they know of resources for homeless folks in your area. You do not have to be a member to ask.

Most of all, breathe. Try, try, try not to panic. That just uses up energy you can use for other things.

It is my opinion (which is worth very little!) that you need to get out ASAP. As long as you are there, she can keep pulling this crap on you over and over again. It is time to move on, even if you have to start a bit lower than you thought.

Please keep us posted. I don't do PMs, but plenty of people on here do. If you're close with someone and are willing to share your location (don't post it here on the open forums!) you might find someone from here who can help.

Thinking of you!