I might have to ctb soon

[Xisalittletired]

I might have to ctb sunday night. Someone I care for deeply has told me there's a chance they might try to end their life that night, and out of pure guilt and horror of them leaving me, I feel like I will have to do the same. Like some sort of platonic romeo and juliet. They are the only one keeping me here right now!! I'm sure my fellow BPD sufferers understand.

I don't know if I'm ready, but I can't not do anything if they're leaving me so soon.
Actually, I thought I was recovering a bit before this. I wasn't thinking of ctb as excessively as usual for (I think) around two days, but things are getting rough again and it's all coming back.

I don't know what the best solution I can use on such short notice is, though. My card isn't working right now so I can't buy anything, and I live with other people. These days more than ever, I'm going to have people checking up on me fairly frequently.

The time I'm alone from is around 5-6am to at least 1pm. I'm thinking of partially suspended hanging, but I don't know how much time I need for it to work properly without being resuscitated.

 

[6MillionWaystoDie]

Have you discussed your feelings with the person? Since you are both in the same camp of desiring ctb maybe there is something your friend could say to encourage you to continue in your recovery. I know you may feel guilty about telling this person such a thing but in this case I'd heir on the side of telling them as there is much understanding and care that could be exchanged in such a situation. None of us know you here and steering you in a particular direction could be disingenuous and/ or of course improper.

I'd suggest expressing these emotions. Maybe its possible your friend would change their mind, and or give you assurance that now is not your time. If you are afraid of being triggered and pushed to move in an undesirable direction after your interaction with them, maybe set it up so that you could have the discussion and then a pre-scheduled therapy session not long after.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a difficult and painful situation to be trapped in, but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Xisalittletired]

Have you discussed your feelings with the person? Since you are both in the same camp of desiring ctb maybe there is something your friend could say to encourage you to continue in your recovery. I know you may feel guilty about telling this person such a thing but in this case I'd heir on the side of telling them as there is much understanding and care that could be exchanged in such a situation. None of us know you here and steering you in a particular direction could be disingenuous and/ or of course improper.

I'd suggest expressing these emotions. Maybe its possible your friend would change their mind, and or give you assurance that now is not your time. If you are afraid of being triggered and pushed to move in an undesirable direction after your interaction with them, maybe set it up so that you could have the discussion and then a pre-scheduled therapy session not long after.

I understand your concern, I do often have times where I act instinctively, but there are other reasons I'm considering this, too. I feel like this is just the cherry on top to everything else. I don't know. My head feels fuzzy.

I could try to talk to them but I don't know how much that will change, honestly, for either of our circumstances. Still, thank you for your input