N
noname223
Archangel
- Aug 18, 2020
- 5,102
I know I already did such a thread but here is the short version.
I am in a clinic for suicidal people. We are all pretty suicidal. And we should not talk about suicide.
No Staff member ever talked to me I was confused. This clinic in general is a hell hole for my mental health. I was pretty paranoid but I think some of it contains the truth. I had noone to talk to. I thought if I told them the truth about my suicidality they would a acknowledge me and stop treating me like an outcast. I think some people never took me serious or might laughed at me. But I think this might have been paranoia. The stress in the clinic makes me paranoid.
I am in a better mood than many here because I am slightly manic. And I had the feeling they disliked me. I felt isolated at my table at evening. Some people took shots at me when I was alone. I also had the feeling one person might want to Drive me to commit suicide.
I needed someone to talk to. When I was around with two I asked them whether it is okay to talk about suicide with them. I asked 2-3 times. And tbh the Staff was also around and could hear at least parts of it.
I wanted to know why they are here. I told them when I was manic and on benzos suicide did not feel that Bad. And that I am scared of that.
I asked them whether it triggers them and they replied no.
Then I continued. I Said I did not want to commit suicide at Rock bottom. But that I am scared. I always thought suicide would traumatize me but I just became apathetic and numb about it.
Afterwards they told me they are triggered. And I got a pretty Bad guilty conscience. And then it turns out a woman might have listened to my words and immediately committed suicide afterwards.
Here is the long version of the Thread with some more of my defense.
Yes this Psych ward is not good for my mental health. This is the second time people blame me for someone's death.
It is ironic the people who mocked me at the evening table are now blaming me for her suicide. But there might be some truth in it. How Do I live with this guilt?
Some people on SanctionedSuicide told me I saved their lives with my recovery threads... I am try to be a good person
I am in a clinic for suicidal people. We are all pretty suicidal. And we should not talk about suicide.
No Staff member ever talked to me I was confused. This clinic in general is a hell hole for my mental health. I was pretty paranoid but I think some of it contains the truth. I had noone to talk to. I thought if I told them the truth about my suicidality they would a acknowledge me and stop treating me like an outcast. I think some people never took me serious or might laughed at me. But I think this might have been paranoia. The stress in the clinic makes me paranoid.
I am in a better mood than many here because I am slightly manic. And I had the feeling they disliked me. I felt isolated at my table at evening. Some people took shots at me when I was alone. I also had the feeling one person might want to Drive me to commit suicide.
I needed someone to talk to. When I was around with two I asked them whether it is okay to talk about suicide with them. I asked 2-3 times. And tbh the Staff was also around and could hear at least parts of it.
I wanted to know why they are here. I told them when I was manic and on benzos suicide did not feel that Bad. And that I am scared of that.
I asked them whether it triggers them and they replied no.
Then I continued. I Said I did not want to commit suicide at Rock bottom. But that I am scared. I always thought suicide would traumatize me but I just became apathetic and numb about it.
Afterwards they told me they are triggered. And I got a pretty Bad guilty conscience. And then it turns out a woman might have listened to my words and immediately committed suicide afterwards.
Here is the long version of the Thread with some more of my defense.
I triggered people in this clinic for suicidal people am I now responsible if they ctb?
I think it is obvious which answer I want. No staff member asked me to talk. I am a little bit isolated. There Was this guy who has extreme Issues and this Borderline woman. Tbh I have the feeling the first one is in extreme Issues and has no other way out of his pain. The Borderline woman is...
sanctioned-suicide.net
It is ironic the people who mocked me at the evening table are now blaming me for her suicide. But there might be some truth in it. How Do I live with this guilt?
Some people on SanctionedSuicide told me I saved their lives with my recovery threads... I am try to be a good person
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