I might caused someone accidentally to ctb in real life

[noname223]

I know I already did such a thread but here is the short version.

I am in a clinic for suicidal people. We are all pretty suicidal. And we should not talk about suicide.

No Staff member ever talked to me I was confused. This clinic in general is a hell hole for my mental health. I was pretty paranoid but I think some of it contains the truth. I had noone to talk to. I thought if I told them the truth about my suicidality they would a acknowledge me and stop treating me like an outcast. I think some people never took me serious or might laughed at me. But I think this might have been paranoia. The stress in the clinic makes me paranoid.

I am in a better mood than many here because I am slightly manic. And I had the feeling they disliked me. I felt isolated at my table at evening. Some people took shots at me when I was alone. I also had the feeling one person might want to Drive me to commit suicide.

I needed someone to talk to. When I was around with two I asked them whether it is okay to talk about suicide with them. I asked 2-3 times. And tbh the Staff was also around and could hear at least parts of it.

I wanted to know why they are here. I told them when I was manic and on benzos suicide did not feel that Bad. And that I am scared of that.
I asked them whether it triggers them and they replied no.
Then I continued. I Said I did not want to commit suicide at Rock bottom. But that I am scared. I always thought suicide would traumatize me but I just became apathetic and numb about it.

Afterwards they told me they are triggered. And I got a pretty Bad guilty conscience. And then it turns out a woman might have listened to my words and immediately committed suicide afterwards.

Here is the long version of the Thread with some more of my defense.

I triggered people in this clinic for suicidal people am I now responsible if they ctb?

I think it is obvious which answer I want. No staff member asked me to talk. I am a little bit isolated. There Was this guy who has extreme Issues and this Borderline woman. Tbh I have the feeling the first one is in extreme Issues and has no other way out of his pain. The Borderline woman is...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Yes this Psych ward is not good for my mental health. This is the second time people blame me for someone's death.


It is ironic the people who mocked me at the evening table are now blaming me for her suicide. But there might be some truth in it. How Do I live with this guilt?

Some people on SanctionedSuicide told me I saved their lives with my recovery threads... I am try to be a good person

 

[timetodie24]

Talking about suicide doesn't cause it . It can actually help prevent it when people are more open about it .
ctb is always someone's decision, you can't cause it.
That patient was in the clinic because they were already suicidal, you have no idea what was going on in their life or head. It is the clinic's responsibility to keep patients safe.
They failed them. Not you
Naturally people are going to talk about suicide when suicidal, naturally you'll see and hear triggering things , that can't be helped.
Just like on an ed ward, patients will find others weights and eating habits triggering but that's what happens when you put people with same issues together.
What are you supposed to do ? Pretend you're loving life and chat about the weather when you're there because you're suicidal
As you said in your other post, you checked multiple times you weren't triggering others.
Hearing someone talk about ctb isnt enough to cause it to happen, there was clearly lots of other stuff going on for them.
Those people are wrong and awful, you are not to blame.
I promise , it is not your fault at all !
Sending hugs, it sounds so awful for you

 

[noname223]

Talking about suicide doesn't cause it . It can actually help prevent it when people are more open about it .
ctb is always someone's decision, you can't cause it.
That patient was in the clinic because they were already suicidal, you have no idea what was going on in their life or head. It is the clinic's responsibility to keep patients safe.
They failed them. Not you
Naturally people are going to talk about suicide when suicidal, naturally you'll see and hear triggering things , that can't be helped.
Just like on an ed ward, patients will find others weights and eating habits triggering but that's what happens when you put people with same issues together.
What are you supposed to do ? Pretend you're loving life and chat about the weather when you're there because you're suicidal
As you said in your other post, you checked multiple times you weren't triggering others.
Hearing someone talk about ctb isnt enough to cause it to happen, there was clearly lots of other stuff going on for them.
Those people are wrong and awful, you are not to blame.
I promise , it is not your fault at all !
Sending hugs, it sounds so awful for you

I love you so so so much for this reply. I am so so so thankful that you Said this to me. Noone else outside this forum could have put it that Well. If someone suicidal says that it has some credibility. I am going through hell since I learned the news. I am soon out here. I love SanctionedSuicide. It is so fucking honest and True. And I really like you @timetodie24 I am also rooting for you that you can save the world without committing suicide. You helped me so so much with this post. I can't say how relieving this post was.

 

[LifeQuitter]

And then it turns out a woman might have listened to my words and immediately committed suicide afterwards.

They killed themselves in the hospital?

 

[noname223]

Honestly, sometimes I am on the verge of becoming religious but keeping to my friends at SanctionedSuicide seems to be better decision. I think superstition can be damaging.

 

[timetodie24]

I love you so so so much for this reply. I am so so so thankful that you Said this to me. Noone else outside this forum could have put it that Well. If someone suicidal says that it has some credibility. I am going through hell since I learned the news. I am soon out here. I love SanctionedSuicide. It is so fucking honest and True. And I really like you @timetodie24 I am also rooting for you that you can save the world without committing suicide. You helped me so so much with this post. I can't say how relieving this post was.

No worries as it's just the truth . You aren't even a tiny bit responsible .
Nothing wrong with what you said, it's not like it was trauma dumping (even then doesnt make you responsible)
I really hope you can get home soon as it sounds like awful place and doesnt seem like they do a very good job of caring for patients there !

Thanks I appreciate that

 

[noname223]

They killed themselves in the hospital?

They jumped in front of a train

 

[Forever Sleep]

Are they actually blaming you for it or, are you paranoid that they may be thinking that? Like I said on the other post though. I doubt you did. They should have set clearer rules if they knew certain things would trigger people to act. Again though, I doubt it was you.

I suppose there's the fear- similar to fears about here that a kind of nonchalent, 'sanctioned' approach to talking about suicide will effectively grant permission for people to do it. I think all that kind of talk is very dismissive though- of a person's ability to reason for themselves. Plus- it assumes that some people have that much influence over others. Maybe sometimes they do. I think it's far more complex than that though.

I hope things settle down there and they set clearer guidelines on what and what not to do.

 

[Unspoken7612]

Doesn't sound like anything to do with you.

 

[noname223]

Are they actually blaming you for it or, are you paranoid that they may be thinking that? Like I said on the other post though. I doubt you did. They should have set clearer rules if they knew certain things would trigger people to act. Again though, I doubt it was you.

I suppose there's the fear- similar to fears about here that a kind of nonchalent, 'sanctioned' approach to talking about suicide will effectively grant permission for people to do it. I think all that kind of talk is very dismissive though- of a person's ability to reason for themselves. Plus- it assumes that some people have that much influence over others. Maybe sometimes they do. I think it's far more complex than that though.

I hope things settle down there and they set clearer guidelines on what and what not to do.

I am pretty sure the one guy is fully blaming me. I looked in his eyes and the Borderline woman to a lesser extent too. They also acted like you must be pretty acute suicidal now after this.

Tbh I am not. The Responses on SaSu especially the one of @timetodie24 comforted me and calmed me down. Way way more than what the Therapists in the clinic have Said to me.

I think the core Issue is a societal and psychiatry related one. We are not allowed to talk openly about the pros and cons of suicide. Most people here are scared as fucked to get sectioned even deeper in the psychiatry. People are punished if they admit suicidality. This woman isolated herself because of This System. I would never recommend anyone to isolate themselves. If we had have an honest talk I would have Said to her you have children you really should not ctb. Moreover, the train method is way too traumatizing and dangerous. If this woman had have the Chance to talk openly to reach out for Real help. Like me with my friends. This suicide could have been prevented. I think only a Rational suicide should be done. But here in These clinic noone is talking about assisted suicide.

Maybe what I have done Was wrong. But I was cornered too. This clinic is a nightmare. The topic suicide should be discussed openly with its pros and cons. I feel like in a prison instead. It is so toxic to act like everything was rainbow and sunshine when you're suicidal. I want something real. I want an open and honest discussion. I think the approach of how the psychiatry treats suicidal people is totally wrong. I think if we lived in Such a World this suicide could have been prevented, or at least postponed and not with this extremely cruel method. An honest talk can help. But the psychiatry isn't honest. (tbh in my head I am already, comparing me with Netanjahu or worse)

I am not sure whether I believe in free will. But I did not See any way out than to speak my mind. No nurse offered help to me. I could not predict that.

I am not sure whether this will traumatize me but I am not acute suicidal currently. I have talked to many friends about it. I am a little bit scared to Tell the full truth in front of All of them. I think some of them are too judgemental on this Issue. I won't disclose it.

 

[noname223]

The message spread and now everyone is blaming me. I even get the feeling by the Staff members. The feeling is unimaginable. The Borderline woman cried when I talked.

This is very similar to when my grandad died and his funeral. I think some have Schadenfreude. Which sort of proves that they are the evil ones.

 

[noname223]

Not guilty the woman killed herself prior to my conversation about suicide with the other patients. 1,5 hours before we had this talk.

I am innocent. Damn

 

[Eole2.0]

But I think this might have been paranoia. The stress in the clinic makes me

You said the only one thing you should believe