Help I may be getting impulsive

[ALittleBurden]

I'm posting way more often than I wish I did, but last... few months, I guess? (gosh, the time flies so quickly, doesn't it?) - were pretty much getting out of hand. I don't know why - that period wasn't really worse than any other time, maybe my psych just snapped at some point and this is the result - but goddamn, I'm just so sick of everything. It's really been a while since the last time I've felt so tired, angry, broken, confused, scared, fed up... And with following week it'll get even worse, because after 5 weeks of break I'm going back to school, and this thought itself feels like a noose on my neck. FUCK! It all makes me consider ctb earlier than I planned... I thought my next attempt will be SN, but it will take some time before I'll be able to buy it, and I really wish to get out of here earlier. I don't want to be impulsive, but I'm considering full suspension (without a fall) again. Last time my ligature failed and then I started to panic, but maybe if I'd adjust this in my plan...? I don't know, I cannot fail again, but I just can't stand waking up again. FOR FUCK'S SAKE. I wish for a suicide fairy to put a gun under my pillow tonight, hah....

 

[memataporfavor]

I sure relate A LOT to what you said abt being impulsive lately. I've been fantasizing a lot abt attempting but in ways I''ve already tried and failed.
I'm a veeeery impulsive person, been trying to control this (with a little help from meds lmao)....
If you do not want to fail, be calm. (duuh, this was a shitty advice i know). But I meant hang in there. Wait 'till you have everything under control. You've been suffering for so long, going through this night won't make such a HUGE difference if you look at the big picture, will it? Impulsive attempts tend to fail and make everything worse. I related to you and If you don't mind talking (actually, if you'd like to), I would like to message you. Can I? (you can say no without problems hahah) It's just that sometimes talking kinda helps... as a distraction at least... to go through painful nights and to distract us from silly ideas

 

[ALittleBurden]

I sure relate A LOT to what you said abt being impulsive lately. I've been fantasizing a lot abt attempting but in ways I''ve already tried and failed.
I'm a veeeery impulsive person, been trying to control this (with a little help from meds lmao)....
If you do not want to fail, be calm. (duuh, this was a shitty advice i know). But I meant hang in there. Wait 'till you have everything under control. You've been suffering for so long, going through this night won't make such a HUGE difference if you look at the big picture, will it? Impulsive attempts tend to fail and make everything worse. I related to you and If you don't mind talking (actually, if you'd like to), I would like to message you. Can I? (you can say no without problems hahah) It's just that sometimes talking kinda helps... as a distraction at least... to go through painful nights and to distract us from silly ideas

I may not be great at talking but you can always hit me up, whenever you need.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Yes, it would be better to really thoroughly plan things out and be as calm as possible (easier said than done) and what @memataporfavor said is correct, about being calm. Anyways, I hope you are able to find peace in whatever you choose to do.