I made a promise

[Rachel74]

I made a promise to my brother last year when he was dying of cancer that I would not harm myself or take my own life. I've tried very hard to live up to that promise but I've been in a depressive state since October. I took an overdose 6 weeks ago and tried to jump off a bridge, my partner stopped me.
I hate breaking promises but I'm suffering. I even thought my bosses at work what I did and they don't give a shit. I just wish I could switch my thoughts off or erase them permanently.

 

[oopswronglife]

It's unfair of people to use such situations as guilt to force you under duress to say something that makes them feel better...but it's understandable. It's done from love on both sides in a case like yours and its not a betrayal or failure to not be ABLE to uphold such a promise.

 

[Life+me=error]

If there is a afterlife, he will know about your pain. So if you meet him there he won't be angry at you.

 

[woxihuanni]

I think it is by definition impossible to make a valid promise not to kill yourself, much in the same way that you cannot enjoy rape.

 

[Whatever123]

I feel this, Rachel. My sister died of cancer years ago and she was my rock. I never made a promise with her, but my behavior was concerning to her.

 

[eve2004]

It likely helped that you are trying your best to get through this...it's such a personal thing, even more so than "I promise not to remarry", (my late spouse actually WANTED me to find someone else).

Psychs used to make you sign contracts not to kill yourself but if it comes to that, a signed contract or a promise won't deter a person who is that distressed and (most likely feeling) alone eternally in their suffering.

People I am not even close to have often in an impulsive moment kept me from doing stupid things just by the mere thought of them
Doing your best with what you have is all anyone can do. Promise or no promise. We've already discussed in the ssri thread how there is no "good" meds and therapy is hit or miss, nearly as random sometimes as which ssri if any will work. We we have a lot stacked against us.

I hope this community can keep us all alive for long enough to figure out a way to lessen the urges to CTB, initially maybe temporarily, ideally, for the rest of our lives, as long as they may be... to everyone here who has said any words at all that have kept me "above water", knowingly or unknowingly.

 

[Meretlein]

If there is an afterlife of some sort, he will understand when you see him again.

If there isn't then you both cease to exist anyway and it won't matter.

You had no other choice but to tell him what he wanted to hear while he was dying.

 

[Jean4]

I made a promise to my dying grandmother on her death bed that I would marry somebody Jewish and name my first child after her. I am 51, never been married, haven't been dating anybody since 1999 and had a hysterectomy. I won't be living up to my promise ;)

 

[KSnSn]

I`m sorry about your brother
How old is he?

I feel this, Rachel. My sister died of cancer years ago and she was my rock. I never made a promise with her, but my behavior was concerning to her.

I`m sorry to hear that
How old was she?
Are you her sister or brother? How old are you?

 

[Rachel74]

My brother was 47 when he died.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I made a promise to my brother last year when he was dying of cancer that I would not harm myself or take my own life. I've tried very hard to live up to that promise but I've been in a depressive state since October. I took an overdose 6 weeks ago and tried to jump off a bridge, my partner stopped me.
I hate breaking promises but I'm suffering. I even thought my bosses at work what I did and they don't give a shit. I just wish I could switch my thoughts off or erase them permanently.

I wouldn't go around telling people you tried to kill yourself. Just a suggestion. Especially your boss. What are you depressed about? I'm sorry to hear about your brother.Plus I don't think it's fair to make a promise to someone and because they are dying you feel like you have to keep it. You have one life and you're the only one who has to live it. And you have to live it for yourself to be happy.