I made a huge mistake in life and wanted to end it. But I'm thinking of giving at least a couple of years to see if things get better.

[merc5361]

I had a high paying job in Singapore which I left to pursue my masters in Netherlands. Important to note that I'm from India.

However, my plan was not well thought out as my masters was in a different field and my experience was not related to it. As such, I wasn't able to secure a job and couldn't stay back in Netherlands.

I regret leaving my job in Singapore every single day! I was making so much, I could've stayed and maybe applied for PR. I ruined everything by being overambitious with no plans like always.

Now I have no job, stuck in a shitty country and I wonder if I will ever be able to leave this country again. I may never get an opportunity like that again, and I regret taking it for granted.

Why did I leave Singapore? At the time, I hated living there because of the rat race. But at least life was good, clean, safe. Now I'm stuck in a hellhole.

I know I'm ranting, I just want to let it all out. I've considered ending my life with CO, with hanging but I'm too scared to go through with it. I keep researching on ways to get out again, and I'm hoping I get one more chance by some miracle, and this time I'll cherish it with my life. But it seems unlikely to ever happen.


Anyway, life truly sucks if you're from the 3rd world. If you make a mistake, boom, that's it. No starting over. I truly envy those of you living in developed countries. But maybe grass is greener on the other side, eh?

 

[aipuweth]

Yeah, I can understand you. I live in a 3rd world country too. There's literally no point in doing anything because of bad conditions, high taxes and low salary. And that means you can do nothing as a hobby or fun.

 

[genoke]

I hear you man. You seem clever enough to figure something out... sucks being stuck somewhere you don't want to live. Hang in there. Be patient. If part of you wants to go on. Then keep on going.

 

[merc5361]

Yeah, I can understand you. I live in a 3rd world country too. There's literally no point in doing anything because of bad conditions, high taxes and low salary. And that means you can do nothing as a hobby or fun.

Hey thanks, glad to have someone who understands. May I know which country you're from?

I hear you man. You seem clever enough to figure something out... sucks being stuck somewhere you don't want to live. Hang in there. Be patient. If part of you wants to go on. Then keep on going.

If I was clever, I would've stayed in my job haha. But, thank you for your reply and encouragement.

I'm just a coward so I'm forced to go on. Maybe if I had access to Nembutal or something, I would take it. But right now, I'm thinking if I'm planning on dying anyway, what's the harm in living an extra year or two and seeing where life takes me.... The option of death is always open. However, might not have another chance at life (I don't know about reincarnation).

 

[aipuweth]

Hey thanks, glad to have someone who understands. May I know which country you're from?

I'm from Turkey, it looks like a first world country but this place just sucks.

 

[merc5361]

I'm from Turkey, it looks like a first world country but this place just sucks.

I worked for a German company in SG. But my colleagues were mostly Turkish!!

I loved those guys man. Really chill dudes. I'm glad to meet you.

Btw, your country is 10x better than India. I would love to visit Istanbul one day :)

 

[aipuweth]

I worked for a German company in SG. But my colleagues were mostly Turkish!!

I loved those guys man. Really chill dudes. I'm glad to meet you.

Btw, your country is 10x better than India. I would love to visit Istanbul one day :)

Ay, I'm glad you think like that! :D I'm not surprised tho, there are too many Turks in Germany. Our people are mostly kind and good, but just our government sucks so we became something like 3rd world country.

 

[genoke]

Hey thanks, glad to have someone who understands. May I know which country you're from?

If I was clever, I would've stayed in my job haha. But, thank you for your reply and encouragement.

I'm just a coward so I'm forced to go on. Maybe if I had access to Nembutal or something, I would take it. But right now, I'm thinking if I'm planning on dying anyway, what's the harm in living an extra year or two and seeing where life takes me.... The option of death is always open. However, might not have another chance at life (I don't know about reincarnation).

Well. Singapore is certainly a rat race and.. very strange surveillance state where people trade money for freedom but it's an interesting place.

The Gita is the greatest book ever written in my opinion and they don't mention suicide once. I think if anything they almost encourage it. "Be a man of action." "Infinite wheel of death and rebirth until moksha" "Don't you realize you're already dead?" "All that matters is your level of knowledge when you die." And didn't the guy who wrote autobiography of a yogi literally kill himself at will on stage meditating? Didn't that happen? Bro, if you got a job at Singapore in business from India and you have a business degree, there will always be opportunities. You are also very desirable to women with a job like that so you are randomly meeting a romantic partner man or woman whatever you're into. Just listening to you, you sound like you're justifiably frustrated and you made a mistake but you're really just a girlfriend or boyfriend away from happiness. But again. I don't know you're situation romantically either or if that's something you do. I've been here a lot. And I know when people are done. You are not done, and you have no good method or reasonable plan so the years you spend living look at it as an opportunity to obtain something better. Half of Swiss suicide tourists don't want to kill themselves after they are handed the meds cuz now they know they have a way out and they're panic is gone. Keep going bro. Give it a couple years.