Story I love hugs and this is why it's important to me

[TAW122]

A brief background for those who don't know me. As an Asian American born in the US and parents from Taiwan, I've been raised with some Asian values and even then, I don't always fancy the culture, especially the culture of non-PDA (non public display of affection). (I'd probably CTB if I grew up in Taiwan too, given the culture there - this is coming from an Asian American who holds more Western values than Eastern ones.) Growing up, and also due to the culture, my parents weren't the physically affectionate kind, meaning they didn't really hug, kiss, handhold, or do much of those. They just greet with words and what not when it comes to social conventions. However, corporal punishment is a thing (in many countries around the world). Just fyi, I don't want this thread to be solely about my background but that bit of information should help the reader understand this topic and this thread a bit more. The main point here is that I don't always agree with my heritage or my family's values (especially East Asian values). It would be more accurate to say that I pretty much make my own values and I take what I find valuable and enjoyable from the West and East.

Growing up, I always valued physical affection as I believed there was something really special with that experience as it can't be easily replicated in other ways. Just simply put, here are the aspects of hugging that makes it special (other than the obvious ones like reduction of stress, production and release of the oxytocin chemical in one's body which reduces stress and brings calmness) for me. In a sense, hugging is one of the most powerful aspects of physical affection in short of sex. The body to body contact cannot be replaced by virtual means or other means despite what others said to just get a doll, pillow, or animal to hug, it simply isn't the same. As someone once mentioned to me in the past through a PM discussion/conversation I had with him, he said that humans are social creatures and we crave affection, belonging, and love and that being deprived of that causes sadness, emptiness, depression, and increase in chance of other mental illnesses. In short, when I hug someone, especially someone like the "ladyfriend" I met, it's not just like hugging another person, but something MUCH more profound, holds much more weight, more value (to me - and yes, it's subjective towards me based on my criteria for what I value.), it can be game changing and life changing. Therefore, I value physical affection tremendously. In other instances, it has also curbed me from doing things I might otherwise regret (won't mention here, but it's something very dark) when I was much younger, like almost a decade ago. Of course, it depends on the person hugged and what not.

With the Coronavirus pandemic going about, it makes matters worse and doesn't help in regards to my interest, which is seeing a world with more public display of affection. One of my fears is the macroscale shift from the hugging and public decline in physical affection, accelerated by changes in culture, world events, and other causes outside of one's control. That alone would induce some VERY serious suicide fuel for me as I'm touch starved. As I've mentioned before, there is no singular reason or cause for my CTB, this alone is a major thrust towards CTB especially if it is coupled with other causes.

In regards to the "ladyfriend" I mentioned vaguely in other posts (as well as my 2020 suifuel thread), she played a pivotal role in my survival as well as other seminal events in my life (which also affect the people I come in contact with too), but that will be saved for another story. (Yes she is the reason that I didn't CTB last May 2019, yet also a factor towards my "eventual" CTB - but that story/background will be told later, just not quite the time yet.) When the time comes, everything will make sense (at least in my eyes, and hopefully my stories and explanations tying everything together will also make sense to the reader.), the hugs, the ladyfriend, my wanting to CTB, her pivotal role, etc.

Oh and one more thing, I've noticed that there are people out there who don't like hugs for whatever reason (some personal, some rational, some irrational, etc.), and that's fine. While I can't control what happens with the majority of people, I only hope most of the ones I come in contact with are physically affectionate and won't turn down a good hug. I know of one person on this forum (he's inactive now) that isn't open to hugs. I respect his decision even though it puts a damper on my mood a bit...

I could get into all the complex aspects of why "hugging" is a big deal for me (I have a complex algorithm for distinguishing different kinds of hugs, different variables, different weights, etc.), but for now, I'll keep things simple.

 

[Finis Autem Spero]

I couldn't agree more!

Hugging has to be, by far, my overall favourite method of physical contact with others. I can't really speak for people on too large a scale, but hugging is often seen as less intimate than kissing or sex, though I think it's a far more fundamental method of connection with others. Kissing (more than just a peck, anyway) and sex are generally only done with romantic partners, but hugging is the best way to express that sense of human connection and togetherness with anyone (or anything).

 

[Deleted member 14573]

I completely agree. A meaningful conversation over the phone or internet can hold the same or less weight than a nice hug from someone you care about. As you said, it can play a pivotal role in the life of someone who doesn't get much affection.

I'm usually very affectionate with the people around me. There was a user here who I think needed lots of physical affection and contact. He lived on the other side of the world from me. Unfortunately he's gone, but I wonder if things would have been different if he received warm cuddles from someone who cared for him.

Thanks for sharing your insight.

 

[Lethe]

I've never enjoyed hugging tbh, it weirds me out a bit and I've never really understood why people do it. I just want to escape the vicegrip as soon as possible, lol. It may be an autism thing, where social conventions just baffle me most of the time.

 

[TAW122]

@Finis Autem Spero I agree, we as humans could use more physical affection and in our technologically advanced world, we are touch starved more than the previous generations.

@angel-of-the-night I don't know if he might have stayed, but I'm sure having physical affection would have an influence on his decision. I remember I had that moment where I decided that if things had gone poorly with "ladyfriend" then I'd CTB in May 2019 and fortunately, things went very well, which is why I'm still around to this day.

@Lethe Yeah I think most people on the spectrum are leary of hugging and physical affection, but I consider myself the exception to that since I'm touch starved and do enjoy hugs (especially good ones, not half-hearted side hugs or partial hugs, as that to me seems insincere).

 

[lostangel]

I love hugs but haven't got one in a long time. I would love to hug someone.

 

[Apathy79]

I've come to enjoy hugs. I wasn't keen on them as a kid, when I got them all the time. From about 12-25, if you weren't a pretty girl, I didn't want to hug you. I still reluctantly did usually, although one time after we'd had a class in school about creating our own boundaries and being firm about them, my grandma came over and went to hug me and I told her no I'm not doing that and we shook hands instead. I never saw her again after that and still feel guilty about that day 25 years on. Kids, hug your grandma, if your school says to reject hugs from her if you don't want them, they're bumbling idiots and you'll feel horrible about that forever. Since becoming a hermit, I only have a couple of hugs each year so they've become more valued, although it's not a craving like yours - I'd still be fine without them.

But PDA I don't like. That was one of my biggest turnoffs about Chile. So many people making out on the street everywhere you look. It just makes everyone else uncomfortable. It's like a status thing there - see a couple making out so you try to one up them, feel each other up while you're at it, etc. A hug is one thing but that PDA stuff I'd be happy to see disappear entirely - it belongs in private. Fortunately it doesn't happen much here.

 

[Isittimetogonola]

I love a good hug. It is the only time I let myself to become that vulnerable. I put everything in my core being into my hugs. My friends are always asking for my hugs. It is comforting. Lately, there has been much less I can give and it is hard because people can tell and I don't want them to know or feel less important to me. You sound like a beautiful soul to hug. ❤❤❤

 

[CuddleHug]

Hugs keep me alive, too. A single, affectionate, loving hug can express more than countless words can do. And, as I mentioned in my introduction thread, by giving a hug, you will always get one back. Infinite love

 

[noaccount]

yeah thrwaway i'm on the spectrum and feel basically the same as you
i don't know
how to articulate any of this, and sex mostly has just felt like work - i mean, i've definitely done worse work - breaking news: packing fruit inside of a giant deep-freezer for ten hours confirmed NOT better than sex, more news at 11.

 

[TAW122]

yeah thrwaway i'm on the spectrum and feel basically the same as you
i don't know
how to articulate any of this, and sex mostly has just felt like work - i mean, i've definitely done worse work - breaking news: packing fruit inside of a giant deep-freezer for ten hours confirmed NOT better than sex, more news at 11.

I'm glad I'm not the only one..

Also just something I realized today, if the culture of physical affection like hugs, kisses, cuddles, and what not wither away due to shift in culture and/or the stupid "Coronavirus", then it is a very bland and shitty future. I wouldn't CTB on that reason alone, but it would make life increasingly unbearable. Could you imagine not being able to hug people because of the fear of the virus, disease, illnesses, as well as some stupid cultural change? As stated before, I am not proud of my ancestral culture of no PA (physical affection) unless they are married and even then, married couples displaying physical affection with each other are rare. I think this will be mega suicide fuel for me down the road.

 

[Meretlein]

This post is interesting to me. I'm pretty indifferent to touch. I never understood being touched starved, not wanting to sleep alone, needing a hug, wanting to cuddle with someone.

I hope you and everyone else is able to get all the physical affection you want.

 

[TAW122]

This post is interesting to me. I'm pretty indifferent to touch. I never understood being touched starved, not wanting to sleep alone, needing a hug, wanting to cuddle with someone.

I hope you and everyone else is able to get all the physical affection you want.

Hmm, it's a bit hard to explain but I'll try to explain it (as logically as I can). Human beings by default or nature are social creatures and they need and crave affection, love (not necessarily romance, sexual, or lust, but like platonic, agape love at times). Being deprived of that would greatly hurt most people emotionally and psychologically (and some more intensely than others). Also for some people like me, who are touch starved (due to upbringing and culture), have a desire for affection (I guess it's just my nature and personality), and then being deprived in present day as well as the changing culture (more isolation due to the Internet, wageslaving, cyber-society, etc - eroding away the close social, genuine personal connection with each other).

So in short, being touch starved, especially over a long period of time does wreck my emotional well-being and does contribute towards my suicidality, and my fear stems from the shift in the physical affection culture to a non-physical, cold culture, through a long period of time would really damage me immensely. The current event with the stupid virus isn't doing any favors either, which is why I have this fear of being deprived (long term) of physical affection or it becomes a chore to obtain even basic affection (platonic ones even).