Story I lost my job because of my scars

[vanillivamp]

There is just no one in my life right now i could bring this subject up to.

In the past couple of months I had some rough times, but I managed to get through. I lost my job shortly after my partner broke up with me and I basically was living on the street for a couple of days since my parents wont let me live with them.
In january I got the courage to apply for a new job, and was able to get employed in february in a fairly nice environment and I am now able to rent a new comfy apartment.
I felt like I was getting A LOT better, but last wednesday broke me.
Since it was getting warmer in the place I live in, I felt comfortable in wearing short sleeves which results in me disposing the scars I have left from previous SH from years ago. Usually people try to ignore them or try not to act weird, but the second my boss would see that I had hurt myself severely in the past, she would almost scream at me to get out. She stated that she couldnt deal with people like me, and that if I would kill myself in the future, she would just have nothing to gain from it. ??? (Idk, she went crazy tbh)
I know that people like that are not worth my time. But I am still in shook and I don't know how to deal with this situation.
I'm already looking for a new place to work at, but for the next couple of weeks I have to still work there and deal with the mere existence of this woman who makes me uncomfortable.
Maybe some soft soul can give me an advice.

 

[Blue_mist]

If this what literally happened, you got fired based on discriminatory action and i believe you have a legal case against your employer

 

[PoisonedOxygen]

I believe she deserves a special place in hell, i'm so sorry you had to go through this. I have scars too and I know how you could feel like. This makes me so angry I wonder how these kind of people sleep at night.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

im so sorry you experienced that. what a disgusting mindset to have let alone say aloud to someone, their suicide wouldnt be "beneficial" to you. i hope you're doing okay.
i know nothing about legal things, but blue_mist is definitely right, you need to bring this up to someone in a higher position. she needs to face the consequences of her awful behaviour. if you can of course, if that would be too much for you i completely understand. either way i wish you all the best in finding a new job, i really hope you can get away from that monster as soon as possible.

 

[lookingforsanctuary]

That's awful! Do you mean you got fired or just that you're not comfortable working there any more so you're going to leave voluntarily?

 

[Little_Suzy]

You weren't fired; you just want a new job because of how your supervisor responded to your attire?

You say "the mere existence of this woman" makes you uncomfortable, yet your self-inflicted scars make others uncomfortable.

Since short sleeves reveal the scars to your supervisor, wear long sleeves to cover them. If you covered up your self-inflicted scars at work, you can avoid further conflict.

We have a uniform dress code, and tattoos must be covered. Self-inflicted scars should be treated in the same way. Respect the sacredness of professional appearance by dressing as required by your job.

Work is a place where order is expected, which is why displaying your mental disorder makes people uncomfortable. I don't blame others for reacting in this manner; it makes sense.

I hope you are able to talk with your supervisor, avoid any more scar displays, and that things improve for you at work. I don't think it's a reason to leave, but rather to learn.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

not replying directly bc you state you dont like to debate, but i feel i need to respond to the previous reply.

i dont think op has to respect the sacredness and order of a job where their bosses reaction doesnt fit the order of professionalism, its hypocritical. i dont think this is about op's professionalism or dress code, this is about the bosses incredibly unprofessional and discriminatory behaviour against op. yes, selfharm scars make others uncomfortable, but ops scars from "years ago" shouldnt result in such a horrible reaction from anyone, let alone their boss. it doesnt matter whether they were fired or chose to leave, they lost their job because of someones unnecessary response to something op had no control over. id understand if they were fresh wounds, but healed scars should not be a reason to lose your job over. this woman doesnt sound like someone op can talk with, shes made her point and its probably best for op to leave this environment.

 

[whatevs]

Wow, speak of piling more shit on the plate of a person that is struggling. Your boss is much less than a human being. Good riddance in the end, I guess.

I disagree with the user saying you aren't fired and can adapt, with what she told you it's obvious you should leave. Perhaps if there was an apology, that would be different.

 

[minx]

Imagine telling people to cover up their self harm scars. Are you gonna say that about surgery scars, burns, scars after accidents or assaults too?

The insinuation that you are a liability for your mental health would be a ground for suing in my country, i truly recommend researching worker's rights in yours.

 

[Torabol]

Your ex boss isn't mentally stable as you might have guessed. Anyone blaming this occurrence on you is being disingenuous or lacks experience.

 

[deathLiberation]

People get shit at their jobs everywhere. With or without scars.
Next job could be your hair, or "the way you look at people" or wtv they want to use to get rid of you.

If it was discrimination, you will need the psych/doctor avail of "this person has some mental problem" to even be worth standing up. You can record the harassments if it gets agressive.

Try to be strong about this. Good luck.

 

[lagoona-a-go-go]

I'm so sorry. As someone who has keloided scars from self harm and has worn short sleeves, I've gotten all types of unnecessary comments from people. What your boss did, however, was beyond unnecessary and way out of line. You have every right to and absolutely should leave that environment. Sending hugs and the best of luck to you.

 

[thx1138]

What the fuck. Your boss sounds horrible. I think you are doing a good job trying to leave. If you have an HR department I would complain to them. It sounds pretty discriminatory. It's not right to blame people for their mental illness. You wouldn't do this to someone who is suffering from another disability or has scars from surgery or burns from a fire, etc.
I don't understand why it should be ok to shit on people with mental illness. They go through enough pain already.
OP you deserve people to treat you better, I am so sorry.

 

[gardenofaphrodite]

There is just no one in my life right now i could bring this subject up to.

In the past couple of months I had some rough times, but I managed to get through. I lost my job shortly after my partner broke up with me and I basically was living on the street for a couple of days since my parents wont let me live with them.
In january I got the courage to apply for a new job, and was able to get employed in february in a fairly nice environment and I am now able to rent a new comfy apartment.
I felt like I was getting A LOT better, but last wednesday broke me.
Since it was getting warmer in the place I live in, I felt comfortable in wearing short sleeves which results in me disposing the scars I have left from previous SH from years ago. Usually people try to ignore them or try not to act weird, but the second my boss would see that I had hurt myself severely in the past, she would almost scream at me to get out. She stated that she couldnt deal with people like me, and that if I would kill myself in the future, she would just have nothing to gain from it. ??? (Idk, she went crazy tbh)
I know that people like that are not worth my time. But I am still in shook and I don't know how to deal with this situation.
I'm already looking for a new place to work at, but for the next couple of weeks I have to still work there and deal with the mere existence of this woman who makes me uncomfortable.
Maybe some soft soul can give me an advice.

That's super fucking illegal if you live in the US, discrimination out the ass- I would absolutely consider filing a suit, because you may win- what the fuck. If you are able, speak to your coworkers, find the corporate or regional office phone number & make an ethics report, document all of it, & if they choose not to take you back, absolutely go after them legally. If you win, they will have to offer the position back to you + wages lost & you may win a year or more worth of wages, whether you take the job back or not. Get ahold of a lawyer asap

 

[sufferingextremely]

There is just no one in my life right now i could bring this subject up to.

In the past couple of months I had some rough times, but I managed to get through. I lost my job shortly after my partner broke up with me and I basically was living on the street for a couple of days since my parents wont let me live with them.
In january I got the courage to apply for a new job, and was able to get employed in february in a fairly nice environment and I am now able to rent a new comfy apartment.
I felt like I was getting A LOT better, but last wednesday broke me.
Since it was getting warmer in the place I live in, I felt comfortable in wearing short sleeves which results in me disposing the scars I have left from previous SH from years ago. Usually people try to ignore them or try not to act weird, but the second my boss would see that I had hurt myself severely in the past, she would almost scream at me to get out. She stated that she couldnt deal with people like me, and that if I would kill myself in the future, she would just have nothing to gain from it. ??? (Idk, she went crazy tbh)
I know that people like that are not worth my time. But I am still in shook and I don't know how to deal with this situation.
I'm already looking for a new place to work at, but for the next couple of weeks I have to still work there and deal with the mere existence of this woman who makes me uncomfortable.
Maybe some soft soul can give me an advice.

Your boss is working her way towards creating a legal liability for your employer. I think this would fall under the territory of the EEOC. Thus far, you have simply been insulted, and I'm not sure if that rises to any bar. If your boss has multiple layers of management above her, you should find it easy to get the situation handled. Either they give her corrective feedback or they give her the axe. If it's a small family owned business, your boss may be the owner or the owner's daughter, and it might be harder. You will know this aspect of the job.

The specific wrong you are being done is you are being treated differently due to a disability. If this rises to the level of discrimination, you have a cause for legal action against your employer, with some qualifications. The first qualification is that it is a little bit iffy if you have a disability, from the perspective of a third party. It would seem that attempts at self-harm would be indicative of a disability on its face, but I can see someone arguing with this, just maybe. For sure, if you tell your employer that you have a disability that contributed to your attempt at self-harm, that will create a situation where the various laws pertaining to disabilities apply. once you've done that, you should be able to nip this situation.

If you work in a setting where you deal with the public, your employer may be able to argue that you have to wear long sleeves due to a certain appearance being an essential requirement of the job. Employers are allowed to discriminate in a limited number of ways when dealing with essential requirements. Id say that most likely, an attempt to argue this would fail, however. You also want to note that your employer can claim a legal right to see your medical records, or get a note from your doctor, or have you examined by a 3rd party clinician, based on your self-harm scars, because this raises an issue about your ability to do your job safely. They can argue things like that this job is stressful, and they need to know if excessive stress will put you at risk for self-harm, because if it does, that means that you can't do this job without risking injury to yourself.

Discriminatory treatment in the form of getting fired, being paid less, and things like this fall under the EEOC. Failure to provide reasonable accommodations is a form of discrimination that falls under the ADA, which is administered by the United States Department of Justice. I would work with your employer and make your employer aware of your legal rights and how you are being treated. I would do this while emphasizing that you dont want to cause anyone any trouble, and that you just want a mutually respectful work environment. It sounds like this is overall a good job and a good thing in your life. Might be worth it to try to make it work.

 

[highjumping]

that is so messed up
i got pretty bad sh scars myself and i'm rlly scared of getting rejected because of them, summer is really the worst
please know that you're not alone, we all suffer and this is just disgusting
it's not your fault and you didn't do anything wrong, you are so strong

 

[Valky]

You weren't fired; you just want a new job because of how your supervisor responded to your attire?

You say "the mere existence of this woman" makes you uncomfortable, yet your self-inflicted scars make others uncomfortable.

You are incredibly ignorant.

Since short sleeves reveal the scars to your supervisor, wear long sleeves to cover them. If you covered up your self-inflicted scars at work, you can avoid further conflict.

I hope you do understand that wearing long sleeves in summer is torture.

We have a uniform dress code, and tattoos must be covered. Self-inflicted scars should be treated in the same way. Respect the sacredness of professional appearance by dressing as required by your job.

Luckily they aren't because tattoos and sh scars are nowhere near each other!

Work is a place where order is expected, which is why displaying your mental disorder makes people uncomfortable. I don't blame others for reacting in this manner; it makes sense.

Not everyone has a perfect life. There is no shame in carrying and showing scars of your past (metaphorically and literally)

I hope you are able to talk with your supervisor, avoid any more scar displays, and that things improve for you at work. I don't think it's a reason to leave, but rather to learn.

The wrongdoing in this situation is the supervisors response, not them trying to feel comfortable in their own skin.
My therapist told me that the reason she didn't officially document my self harm was due to people like this.

The knowledge that someone self harmed aka struggles/struggled with mental illness in general is not something they want. It is the sad truth.

They expect you to break under pressure and therefore be unreliable.

 

[lastday6116]

A $5 concealer that will solve all problems

 

[TiredOrbit]

This is horrible. It's almost like they want to stop us from re-entering society.
I agree with some posters, this is discrimination and you can (and should) report it.

 

[Mirrory Me]

I guess she thinks from a distance about her role as a boss, that you shouldn't be trusted in a business sense if you've had unstable/uncertain moments in your life. She probably expects that everyone respects her and the workplace - there must be quality and top skills.

 

[SleepingLessons]

Next job could be your hair, or "the way you look at people" or wtv they want to use to get rid of you.

People don't get screamed at because of their hair. Apply screaming "Get out, I can't deal with people like you" to something like hair; it doesn't happen. Apply it to something like, I don't know, skin colour, religion, sexuality - that sure as fuck is something that happens regularly. This isn't any different, and it's discrimination.

 

[ringo99]

There is no way she can be allowed to get away with it. Consult a lawyer and file a lawsuit against the company and your former boss for discrimination. Sooner or later they'll come begging to reach a settlement.

 

[chloramine]

Whether you decide to pursue legal action please make sure you document everything. If you're being fired for this make sure you get it in writing. If they contact you over the phone or anything immediately send an email after saying something to the affect of "here's what we talked about over the phone" (there are better templates online. Discrimination is illegal but it's very hard to prove and establishing a paper trail will give you more options and credibility down the line.

I understand these suggestions might be asking a lot of you depending on how you're doing. Just do the best you can with what you have. I'm really sorry this happened- she was out of line with that reaction. You deserve better.

 

[FullCircle]

You could definitely pursue this legally if you choose to.
I got a large tattoo to kind of, sort of hid my scars. It's enough that I can pull up my sleeves without awkward questions.