I literally gave up on life

[ctoan]

im not even thirty but im old enough to realize my life isnt going anywhere

boogles my mind how people need 50 years to get hit by a midlife crisis

 

[RottingFlowerBrains]

im not even thirty but im old enough to realize my life isnt going anywhere

boogles my mind how people need 50 years to get hit by a midlife crisis

By thirty they say you should have a five year and ten year plan. Before thirty it's okay if you are running through life on fire blindfolded up hill with no shoes on. Lol when I "they" I mean the ones who make all those age related things..

 

[RottingFlowerBrains]

But I seriously hear you!

 

[Miss clefable]

im not even thirty but im old enough to realize my life isnt going anywhere

boogles my mind how people need 50 years to get hit by a midlife crisis

Exactly

 

[Desperate_Soul]

I always wonder how people on SS got to their age while I'm over here much younger than them and already wanting to kill myself.
Like, how did you guys make it so far?

 

[ctoan]

By thirty they say you should have a five year and ten year plan. Before thirty it's okay if you are running through life on fire blindfolded up hill with no shoes on. Lol when I "they" I mean the ones who make all those age related things..

i have pretty solid 5 year plan

its called carbon monoxide

 

[Nofaith]

I always wonder how people on SS got to their age while I'm over here much younger than them and already wanting to kill myself.
Like, how did you guys make it so far?

Fear of not wanting to mess it up. And misplaced hope.

 

[lv-gras]

I always wonder how people on SS got to their age while I'm over here much younger than them and already wanting to kill myself.
Like, how did you guys make it so far?

like it really depends, sometimes nice or interesting things happen or different outlook or little things or whatever.

 

[VincentValentine]

I always wonder how people on SS got to their age while I'm over here much younger than them and already wanting to kill myself.
Like, how did you guys make it so far?

How old are you (if you don't mind me asking)?

In my case, it was both naivety and I had hopes and dreams of living a good or at least a decent life.

When I was younger, I was naive enough to believe the mainstream groupthink that "life is good", "what goes around comes around", life gets better as you get older, good triumphs over evil, "family is always there for you", "life is what you make it", "you can do anything if you put your mind to it", etc.

I also thought I would live a decent life like many people do. You know have healthy supportive relationships with others, good jobs (hell maybe even a career), and I even wanted kids when I was younger. That sorta thing. Of course those things didn't happen and wouldn't happen for me. When you're a kid, they make it sound like those things are a given for everyone in life and they are most certainly not.

There's also other things in life I wanted that are pretty much impossible for me to get.

So for me, it just took me awhile to see that the lies they tell you when you're younger are bullshit.

 

[Final Escape]

I always wonder how people on SS got to their age while I'm over here much younger than them and already wanting to kill myself.
Like, how did you guys make it so far?

Well, things in society hadn't unraveled as badly yet back then but we were well on the way to the destruction of civilization as the government escalated in size and power. For the young people now it's a lot rougher especially if you are from the working class. They can't get their lives started because it's so expensive.

 

[Life sucks]

I've reached very deep with thinking with no return back and I'm completely confident that I shouldn't continue. I'm not talking about others or trying to convince them. I'm tired of this nonsense life theoretically and practically I'm tired of toxic humans

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

The world certainly seemed a happier place a while back, that made things easier. Now it's just grim and lonely. I am in some ways naturally optimistic as well, and that has propelled me forward from time to time. However once I came down with a chronic undiagnosed illness I knew my life was going to stagnate and only get worse from that point on. I have a flimsy financial lifeline and that is in jeopardy too, so I can't see this charade lasting forever. I'll go as long as I can, but no further.

 

[windingdown]

I always wonder how people on SS got to their age while I'm over here much younger than them and already wanting to kill myself.
Like, how did you guys make it so far?

I want to know this, too!

I don't plan on making it to 32. Every day feels too long.

How do you make it to 40???

I made it this long because I was relatively happy and my life was good. 31/32 probably feels incredibly old to some.

Perhaps 40+ year olds would say the same thing to me. But they have gone through some aging. I've just been hit with aging for the first time this past year, and I just can't do it. I'm at the tail end of youth. It's hard for me to fathom that people can go further.

 

[Maravillosa]

I always wonder how people on SS got to their age while I'm over here much younger than them and already wanting to kill myself.
Like, how did you guys make it so far?

I recently turned 52. How did I make it so far? I promised myself when I was 20 that I would do my best to wait till after both my parents (but especially my mother) were dead before I ctb. Also, there was always the fear that I might end up in Hell -- or at least have a prolonged sojourn in Purgatory -- if I ctb. I have lived my life as if I were going to ctb one day, not fully committing to life (or to death, for that matter). I have never married, never had kids, never had any serious romantic relationships -- all in order to avoid devastating other people in the event of my demise.

A consistent routine (not just of prayer, but that helps a lot) keeps me alive. Also my ambition to be a published author is a major reason why I have not yet ctb.

Your mileage may vary, of course

 

[Deleted member 1496]

> how did you guys make it so far?

Survival like I'm in a long-running fight, but not without costs. Being overwhelmed and not having a say in my own life, my brain can't function anymore and I've lost an internal organ.

There's so much pressure to believe that family is the ultimate good thing, to keep trying (e.g., "it's not how often you fall, but how often you get up"), and brainwashing (e.g., professionals are trained and can help you). Society preaches GetMotivated and doesn't accept a blurb can't solve complex, multi-faceted problems because that would mean negative vibes and a harsh reality. Even suicide awareness isn't suicide acceptance.

 

[lostinthedream]

I recently turned 52. How did I make it so far? I promised myself when I was 20 that I would do my best to wait till after both my parents (but especially my mother) were dead before I ctb. Also, there was always the fear that I might end up in Hell -- or at least have a prolonged sojourn in Purgatory -- if I ctb. I have lived my life as if I were going to ctb one day, not fully committing to life (or to death, for that matter). I have never married, never had kids, never had any serious romantic relationships -- all in order to avoid devastating other people in the event of my demise.

A consistent routine (not just of prayer, but that helps a lot) keeps me alive. Also my ambition to be a published author is a major reason why I have not yet ctb.

Your mileage may vary, of course

Sounds about like my journey.. neither here nor there.. caretaker for elderly parents 42 years.. no wife, no children.. I packed light for this journey and I hope I am going to whatever is next, soon.. I am so incredibly tired..

 

[Niko]

y'know i've just about given up too and it's pretty liberating in a way. like i threw away my stupid diet i was on completely, stopped going to jiu-jitsu class, stopped working out, stopped caring much at all really.
the only problem is my job, i still kinda need to care about that if i wanna do this whole "living life" thing. unfortunately i still seem to want to live too much to not care completely. i care and i don't and i can't figure out what to do about it

 

[Sundayafternoon]

I always wonder how people on SS got to their age while I'm over here much younger than them and already wanting to kill myself.
Like, how did you guys make it so far?

I honestly didn't know it was an option. I was raised to think suicide automatically meant hell. I hate the heat.

When I realized it was an option, I was still stuck on the idea that only the mentally weak took that route. After getting rid of that idea, I realized it's not as easy as they make it seem. Plus in the back of mind, i was holding out hope that I'd find someone to love me (save me).

98% of that hope is gone. Now, it's just a matter of settling on a method and killing my will to survive.

 

[Sundayafternoon]

y'know i've just about given up too and it's pretty liberating in a way. like i threw away my stupid diet i was on completely, stopped going to jiu-jitsu class, stopped working out, stopped caring much at all really.
the only problem is my job, i still kinda need to care about that if i wanna do this whole "living life" thing. unfortunately i still seem to want to live too much to not care completely. i care and i don't and i can't figure out what to do about it

I understand completely. If it weren't for this job and a fear of being homeless, I would completely tap out. Well wishes.

 

[windingdown]

How old are you (if you don't mind me asking)?

In my case, it was both naivety and I had hopes and dreams of living a good or at least a decent life.

When I was younger, I was naive enough to believe the mainstream groupthink that "life is good", "what goes around comes around", life gets better as you get older, good triumphs over evil, "family is always there for you", "life is what you make it", "you can do anything if you put your mind to it", etc.

I also thought I would live a decent life like many people do. You know have healthy supportive relationships with others, good jobs (hell maybe even a career), and I even wanted kids when I was younger. That sorta thing. Of course those things didn't happen and wouldn't happen for me. When you're a kid, they make it sound like those things are a given for everyone in life and they are most certainly not.

There's also other things in life I wanted that are pretty much impossible for me to get.

So for me, it just took me awhile to see that the lies they tell you when you're younger are bullshit.

Great post.

So many of the platitudes that underpin societal perspectives finally crumble for a person under unfair circumstances: illness or disability, job loss, loss of all sorts really. It seems to me that until a person experiences real misfortune, undeserved, it is easy to uphold those cliched ideals (and perhaps quite infuriating for those who know they don't 'work'). It is what we are all taught, so it is sort of innocent until proven guilty. Just something I've been observing.

 

[windingdown]

The world certainly seemed a happier place a while back, that made things easier. Now it's just grim and lonely. I am in some ways naturally optimistic as well, and that has propelled me forward from time to time. However once I came down with a chronic undiagnosed illness I knew my life was going to stagnate and only get worse from that point on. I have a flimsy financial lifeline and that is in jeopardy too, so I can't see this charade lasting forever. I'll go as long as I can, but no further.

I feel like life would be so much better and more peaceful if we all had a peaceful pill as a backup plan. That way we could live as long as we could, but know that if/when things fell too egregiously apart, we could sign off. I wonder how much of the stress of being alive is due to the feeling that we are trapped, that there is no way out, even if people don't recognize it in those terms.