Venting I literally do not know what love is

[SpiteHoldsMeAloft]

I have never understood what love is. I do not understand how people can so easily differentiate between the feeling of liking someone and loving someone. How is it that everyone else understands this concept but not me? How are people just born with knowledge of where the line between 'like' and 'love' lies without having to be told? Is the definition of the word 'love' even objective? I have never been a very empathic person, I have ASD and have always found it difficult to sympathise with others. One particular memory stands fresh in my mind, of my father asking me if I would care if he got in a car accident or something when I was younger. I was unable to answer him, because I didn't know.

I have never been in a romantic relationship of any sort. I suppose I am an incel (by definition alone. I hold no animosity at all towards women for not finding me desirable). I've never really connected with any members of my family, and I don't feel very strongly about any of them. I've never gotten close enough with a friend to even consider the possibility that I might platonically love them. Am I missing out on some amazing thing that would change my outlook on life entirely?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Maybe, in some ways but then, love can bring an awful lot of pain too. Almost like the extremes. The very best and the very worst. Even yearning for it is painful. I'm not sure you exactly experience that- it seems more like you're aware sonething is missing and, your curious what.

I expect we all might experience it differently anyway. We all want different things- certainly.

It probably got to the point for me where I just got so sick of loving and losing so, I'm not all that close to people now.

 

[SpiteHoldsMeAloft]

Maybe, in some ways but then, love can bring an awful lot of pain too. Almost like the extremes. The very best and the very worst. Even yearning for it is painful. I'm not sure you exactly experience that- it seems more like you're aware sonething is missing and, your curious what.

I expect we all might experience it differently anyway. We all want different things- certainly.

It probably got to the point for me where I just got so sick of loving and losing so, I'm not all that close to people now.

I am aware that love can bring many people a lot of pain. I just often see people talking about how 'love gives life meaning'. I have always considered life to be meaningless, and I wonder if this is at least in part due to the fact that I've never really experienced love. Maybe if I did experience it, even if it caused me a lot of pain along with the pleasure, I would finally have something in life to motivate me to keep living.

Although, I suppose it is just as likely that the pain of love would far outweigh the pleasure, and living would be even more unbearable. I wonder if I'll ever know which one it is.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I am aware that love can bring many people a lot of pain. I just often see people talking about how 'love gives life meaning'. I have always considered life to be meaningless, and I wonder if this is at least in part due to the fact that I've never really experienced love. Maybe if I did experience it, even if it caused me a lot of pain along with the pleasure, I would finally have something in life to motivate me to keep living.

Although, I suppose it is just as likely that the pain of love would far outweigh the pleasure, and living would be even more unbearable. I wonder if I'll ever know which one it is.

I think there are different forms of love also. To me, I think it's basically just a deep connection to something or someone. So much so, that the thought of losing it/ them can cause distress. I think we can even feel it with things we enjoy and feel connected to- TV shows, songs. I'd say that was a form of love although I'm sure others would disagree with that.

I've heard people criticise the over-use of the term- eg. I 'love' my favourite T-shirt, I 'love' sushi, I 'love' that song'. Probably the same people who get annoyed when people mourn pop stars when they die. As in- how can you get so upset about someone you didn't know? That kind of annoys me though. Like- don't tell people what they should and shouldn't feel! There's a possibility those people didn't grow up with real loving relationships. Maybe they latched on to these other things for safety and to put their feelings somewhere. That's more of an off topic rant though- sorry.

I suspect some people don't feel it so deeply though. I don't think you're alone actually- not that that probably makes you feel any better. I'm sorry. I can understand how it must feel to wonder if it would make a difference to your life. May I ask- are there things you fear to lose?

 

[SpiteHoldsMeAloft]

I think there are different forms of love also. To me, I think it's basically just a deep connection to something or someone. So much so, that the thought of losing it/ them can cause distress. I think we can even feel it with things we enjoy and feel connected to- TV shows, songs. I'd say that was a form of love although I'm sure others would disagree with that.

I've heard people criticise the over-use of the term- eg. I 'love' my favourite T-shirt, I 'love' sushi, I 'love' that song'. Probably the same people who get annoyed when people mourn pop stars when they die. As in- how can you get so upset about someone you didn't know? That kind of annoys me though. Like- don't tell people what they should and shouldn't feel! There's a possibility those people didn't grow up with real loving relationships. Maybe they latched on to these other things for safety and to put their feelings somewhere. That's more of an off topic rant though- sorry.

I suspect some people don't feel it so deeply though. I don't think you're alone actually- not that that probably makes you feel any better. I'm sorry. I can understand how it must feel to wonder if it would make a difference to your life. May I ask- are there things you fear to lose?

I always thoughts that when people spoke about loving inanimate objects, or abstract things, they were talking about a different thing entirely to loving a person or pet. Like, I would say I 'love' music (or I used to - recently, I have begun to get less enjoyment from listening to my favourite albums. Actually, that's kind of interesting, as I have been very afraid recently that I have 'lost' music as a coping mechanism and as a way to experience pleasure. That would align with your definition of love), but I still don't think I've experienced what people mean when they talk about loving their romantic partner.

I don't really fear losing people the way I have been afraid of losing music. That isn't to say I wouldn't be affected if, say, my brother died. I just think that the effects would primarily be external (like how the reactions of my parents would affect me, for example) rather than internal. That probably makes me a bad person, idk.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I always thoughts that when people speak about loving inanimate objects, or abstract things, they were talking about a different thing entirely to loving a person or pet. Like, I would say I 'love' music (or I used to - recently, I have begun to get less enjoyment from listening to my favourite albums. Actually, that's kind of interesting, as I have been very afraid recently that I have 'lost' music as a coping mechanism and as a way to experience pleasure. That would align with your definition of love), but I still don't think I've experienced what people mean when they talk about loving their romantic partner.

I don't really fear losing people the way I have been afraid of losing music. That isn't to say I wouldn't be affected if, say, my brother died. I just think that the effects would primarily be external (like how the reactions of my parents would affect me, for example) rather than internal. That probably makes me a bad person, idk.

I don't think you can be a bad person for just not being born with or, developing a certain attribute. That's not exactly your fault but, I can see why you would feeling like you might be missing something.

I haven't experienced romantic love- not had it reciprocated anyhow but, I have felt love towards people. Friends even- although not sexually. That's the other thing- there are lustful types of love and more plutonic types. I guess the best couples have both.

The sexual love of objects is an actual thing though. I think that goes beyond just being a fan! But yeah, I feel like there are all sorts of types. I think we can quickly get into hot water when people insist that only their type is valid. I think that's terribly unfair to say that to someone who's feeling massive amounts of emotion towards something.

That said, there are terribly unhelpful types. I strongly suspect I suffer from limerence- obsessive crushes on people. I'd argue that was still love except, it's a more distorted version. Like falling in love with an idea of a person. Falling in love with an alternative reality where they love you back! Honestly- that's only fun at the beginning.

I'm not sure it's something you can make yourself feel though to be honest. I'm sorry.

 

[SpiteHoldsMeAloft]

I don't think you can be a bad person for just not being born with or, developing a certain attribute. That's not exactly your fault but, I can see why you would feeling like you might be missing something.

I haven't experienced romantic love- not had it reciprocated anyhow but, I have felt love towards people. Friends even- although not sexually. That's the other thing- there are lustful types of love and more plutonic types. I guess the best couples have both.

The sexual love of objects is an actual thing though. I think that goes beyond just being a fan! But yeah, I feel like there are all sorts of types. I think we can quickly get into hot water when people insist that only their type is valid. I think that's terribly unfair to say that to someone who's feeling massive amounts of emotion towards something.

That said, there are terribly unhelpful types. I strongly suspect I suffer from limerence- obsessive crushes on people. I'd argue that was still love except, it's a more distorted version. Like falling in love with an idea of a person. Falling in love with an alternative reality where they love you back! Honestly- that's only fun at the beginning.

I'm not sure it's something you can make yourself feel though to be honest. I'm sorry.

I don't know if it would be insensitive to people who actually experience it, but I often fantasise about limerence in particular. The idea of experiencing that much love directed at one thing appeals to me massively after not really feeling strongly about the people I have been around all my life. I do not doubt that actually experiencing limerence would be unpleasant, but I still like the idea of it for some reason. I suppose you could say I've fallen in love with the idea of falling in love with the idea of a person. Lol

Also, I would just like the thank you for engaging in this conversation with me. I am not used to people caring enough about the things I experience to have a conversation with me about them, and it feels very good. I joined this site very recently, and I am already glad I have done so. Thank you so much.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't know if it would be insensitive to people who actually experience it, but I often fantasise about limerence in particular. The idea of experiencing that much love directed at one thing appeals to me massively after not really feeling strongly about the people I have been around all my life. I do not doubt that actually experiencing limerence would be unpleasant, but I still like the idea of it for some reason. I suppose you could say I've fallen in love with the idea of falling in love with the idea of a person. Lol

Also, I would just like the thank you for engaging in this conversation with me. I am not used to people caring enough about the things I experience to have a conversation with me about them, and it feels very good. I joined this site very recently, and I am already glad I have done so. Thank you so much.

You're very welcome. I enjoy talking about how we all experience life. I agree, I've gotten so much out of this site. It can feel like a very caring community.

Yes, I can understand that too. To want to experience a certain emotion or love for someone/ something. There were definitely nice aspects to limerence. That's what makes it so hard to manage though in a way. That living in this fantasy where this person loves you back can be the nicest part of life but then- you see them with a new girlfriend and it all shatters.

But yeah, I still know what you mean. I've probably gone through periods where I felt nothing much at all and, even feeling something unpleasant would feel like a change. It's normally at points like that I feel able to watch really distressing films like: 'Requiem for a Dream' (2000.)

 

[isolatedl111]

I have never understood what love is. I do not understand how people can so easily differentiate between the feeling of liking someone and loving someone. How is it that everyone else understands this concept but not me? How are people just born with knowledge of where the line between 'like' and 'love' lies without having to be told? Is the definition of the word 'love' even objective? I have never been a very empathic person, I have ASD and have always found it difficult to sympathise with others. One particular memory stands fresh in my mind, of my father asking me if I would care if he got in a car accident or something when I was younger. I was unable to answer him, because I didn't know.

I have never been in a romantic relationship of any sort. I suppose I am an incel (by definition alone. I hold no animosity at all towards women for not finding me desirable). I've never really connected with any members of my family, and I don't feel very strongly about any of them. I've never gotten close enough with a friend to even consider the possibility that I might platonically love them. Am I missing out on some amazing thing that would change my outlook on life entirely?

I haven't felt the touch of another human in 5 years

 

[casual_existence]

I think the best answer to your question is a very straightforward one. You haven't been in enough situations to experience love. There's many different forms of love but the passionate one is the one people tend to focus on which is usually quite disastrous. Instead if you try hard enough you'll slowly learn to love. Try gifting stuff to people or talk more to people or really do both. If you find yourself thinking about someone lean into that as much as the person lets you without breaching personal boundaries.

 

[Csmith8827]

I haven't even read your introduction but like I like your profile picture. I've only listened to Death consciousness once and dont really know much about Have a nice life...but dude Bloodhail Is probably one of my most favorite songs ever. It's such a good song. I was going to shoot myself to it honestly. Whenever he/they sing the "oh oh oh oh ohhhh ohhhh" that pretty much sums up life. The ending is great too. Just a great song overall...about life and what not. Anyways... Take care!