mono
I hope my last breath is a sigh of relief.
- Jul 11, 2023
- 49
I let myself get attached to someone and now they've left me so fucking hurt.
I knew this would happen, it always does. I ALWAYS end up pushing people away even if it's someone I desperately don't want to lose. I'm meant to be alone and it hurts so much sometimes. I just wish I could let myself love someone, I wish I didn't constantly push people away, and I wish I didnt get so obsessive over people I actually let myself get attached to either.
It's funny, everyone I want to love never chooses me in the end, and anyone who actually wants to love me will never be able to get close enough for me to love them back. I don't allow anybody to get close to me because I'm afraid, and I know thats the reason I'm so alone, but it's hard to let people in when all it's ever done is backfire on me.
I'm so scared of love yet I crave it so badly. I want to feel a connection with someone, I want to be able to love but everytime I form a new connection with somebody it just feels so unnatural and I get uneasy, I sabotage every potential friendship and/or relationship I have and I don't understand why. I don't know why I do this to myself.
I guess I've just gotten so used to the loneliness that having a connection with anyone just doesn't feel right to me.
I knew this would happen, it always does. I ALWAYS end up pushing people away even if it's someone I desperately don't want to lose. I'm meant to be alone and it hurts so much sometimes. I just wish I could let myself love someone, I wish I didn't constantly push people away, and I wish I didnt get so obsessive over people I actually let myself get attached to either.
It's funny, everyone I want to love never chooses me in the end, and anyone who actually wants to love me will never be able to get close enough for me to love them back. I don't allow anybody to get close to me because I'm afraid, and I know thats the reason I'm so alone, but it's hard to let people in when all it's ever done is backfire on me.
I'm so scared of love yet I crave it so badly. I want to feel a connection with someone, I want to be able to love but everytime I form a new connection with somebody it just feels so unnatural and I get uneasy, I sabotage every potential friendship and/or relationship I have and I don't understand why. I don't know why I do this to myself.
I guess I've just gotten so used to the loneliness that having a connection with anyone just doesn't feel right to me.