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Updates: the rooftop that i was planning on jumping was being watched this week. Here's how it works: it's a rooftop of a shopping mall, in the 6th floor, and usually employees go there to smoke or kids go there to drink, so it's not usually watched, and even the employees who watch the rooftop don't care, but the last time i went there a guy told me to get out, he said there was no problem being there and when he was there by himself he didn't care but his boss was there and he didn't let people in, i'd imagine it's because one girl ctb there some time ago, but that happened in 2017. I want to do it. All i did this year was hope for it to get better and i've never been worse. I just want to end it soon as possible, but i imagine the problems i'd get the employees in if i ctb while they were suppost to be watching there. I usually have 10-20min before anyone goes to get me out of there but i don't want anyone to be fired because of me. I don't know what else to do. CTB there was safe since i'd most likely die but i don't want to affect anyone else. Now what? should i leave a letter?
Hey. If I'm being honest, if i could have any wish conceited to me, I'd wish to live in peace. However I know for a fact I just can't and won't due to all my trauma, mental ilnesses and addictions. I have the type of trauma serial killer's have before they commit their crimes. And I know that doesn't mean anything, but I'm scared I might hurt others in the future, I don't believe to be that great of a person. If I'm being honest I think commiting would actually help society as a whole. A last good thing and maybe the first.
Please think about yourself, not society. Like I've said, I know you have very valid reasons for CTB. But your illnesses aren't your fault and shouldn't be. You haven't committed any crimes yet, just as you've said. Society doesn't give a shit whether you CTB or not, either society thinks CTB is bad or they just never cared. So put the focus on you. You are what is important. 'You' should be the only matter in the equation.
