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OreoWellington
Ready To Die
- Sep 28, 2019
- 123
Obviously, when we go here, I am sure that is the last thing on our minds here. But that is what happened to me unexpectedly. I came in here full force wanting to CTB, and although it still is in effect, he has at least helped and held me back a little bit. We have been such a good presence for one another-- we have both benefitted from meeting and inadvertently falling in love with one another. I still see no hope for recovery, but that is what he is asking us to do so we could at least see if there is a chance so we could be and have a life together. We have a very strange, atypical dynamic due to us having met here on SS. Because of this, we can be a lot more open-minded about things regular people cannot understand. We are a couple that is not unopposed to CTB if need be and we have no reason to hide our innermost thoughts and feelings from one another. We live a few states away from one another and the soonest we are making plans to see one another is within a couple of months. Finding love (or extremely bad luck/a bad past in that arena) had been a HUGE driving force in my suicidality (although there is certainly a lot more to it than that that plays a role). I'm so devastated that I had to get this damaged before meeting someone that I could say had been the best person for me that I have ever met/been with yet and so far. And it is unfortunate that I had to meet him while under these current circumstances of severe, intense suffering. I know with me so far, he has had to deal with a lot. But I truly am so thankful for him and I hope he feels the same way about me too. Here is to hoping I can even recover from this at all (if not, at least be able hang on for a little while longer). That is my biggest hurdle right now.
But even in spite of this, I am still gathering materials for SN (enough for two people) in case this does not work out.
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