Venting I know it would be the best for me to ctb but....

[Thequietone]

The thing is that I live on my own and have a job. I should have tried it in my teenage years and not as an adult. Now I know if I fail I will lose my apartment and my job and I would have no option to try it again because my parents would want me to move back to them. So my life would be much worse than now. My problem is that I don't wanna get better anymore, I want to get myself to finally do it and die. I thought about doing it next year, but I already said this last year to this year and wasn't ready yet. I just don't know what to do because I see a therapist and I talk a lot about what is going on but in the same time I know it is best for me to not exist anymore. I just wish I could go to exit and just get help to die but I have no illness. I feel like I'm in prison and I'm sentenced to live. Would have been so much better if my parents never created me......

 

[Sad_Sack]

I feel like I'm in prison and I'm sentenced to live.

Exactly how I feel. It feels like I'm in he'll and my sentence is to live my life out suffering and everything is set up to prevent me from escaping early.

 

[Thequietone]

Exactly how I feel. It feels like I'm in he'll and my sentence is to live my life out suffering and everything is set up to prevent me from escaping early.

Sorry to hear that, yes it is very hard and sucks.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence can certainly be prison like when we have to struggle so much in finally being free from this world. I just view it as being so wrong how there is so much stigma and secrecy associated with suicide to the point that people have to worry about failing ctb with consequences.

As humans it's like we are being punished because of the decisions of others to selfishly procreate, it isn't as though any of us asked for this life in the first place so there's nothing to justify purposely making suicide so complicated. Death is the most normal thing ever and our wish to die should be respected. Some people simply don't wish to suffer anymore and many people are not meant for this world, so there is nothing wrong with choosing to leave at a time of our own choosing. Continuing to exist is only delaying the inevitable after all.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't think anyone can force themselves to be ready to ctb. You're either ready, or you're not. It really just has to happen organically. You sort of have to just ride along with life until/when it happens.

 

[Thequietone]

Existence can certainly be prison like when we have to struggle so much in finally being free from this world. I just view it as being so wrong how there is so much stigma and secrecy associated with suicide to the point that people have to worry about failing ctb with consequences.

As humans it's like we are being punished because of the decisions of others to selfishly procreate, it isn't as though any of us asked for this life in the first place so there's nothing to justify purposely making suicide so complicated. Death is the most normal thing ever and our wish to die should be respected. Some people simply don't wish to suffer anymore and many people are not meant for this world, so there is nothing wrong with choosing to leave at a time of our own choosing. Continuing to exist is only delaying the inevitable after all.

You are so right about all you wrote. But the society won't change their mindset and that makes me frustrated. Like if I simply could go to exit and they would help me die no matter for what reason, and with peaceful nembutal, I think I would love to do that.

I don't think anyone can force themselves to be ready to ctb. You're either ready, or you're not. It really just has to happen organically. You sort of have to just ride along with life until/when it happens.

Never looked on to it like that but yeah you have a point. Maybe that is my problem too. So thanks for giving me a new view of it.