I know I shouldn't do it but I consider to talk in my self-help group that I am browsing a suicide forum

[noname223]

Many people will call me completely insane. And there is some truth in it. I am ambivalent. I told it to another suicidal person in the group and the person told me they think it is a bad idea to talk about this. I know I know. There is one thing.

I would only do it in a very small group. Last time we were 7 people and I would never talk about it in such a large group. The previous time we were 3 people. And I was pretty confident they were able to stomach the extent of my suicidality. One of them told me he likes to hear horrible stories it distracts him from his problems. His problems seem to be smaller in contrast. He told this to me when I asked him how he feels after someone explained that in his family a murder suicide happened. In this context his words sounded low-key sociopath considering the fact his problems were the results of election of the European parliament. Lmao.

When we were 3 people I opened up about my suicidality once again (not about the forum though). We have a core group and I think 5 people knew my story about severe suicidality. I was very explicit I gave them advices which replies are not appropriate and it went very well. But one woman who I had a crush on once did not know my lore concerning suicide. She is very empathetic and I knew she would not need advices how to react. I am not sure how she stomached it.

In April I told them I was acute suicidal. I did not reveal to him that I ordered SN my two closest friends knew it though.

I am pretty good at assessing whether something like that gets me into trouble. And honestly I am not sure whether browsing a suicide forum crosses that line.
I live in Germany and SaSu is not known here as much. But if I talked about it I would probably drop that it is a international forum. And I think this is dangerous because it is not that difficult to google suicide forums. And thanks to wikipedia which sponsors this website it is not that difficult to connect the dots.

Honestly, thus far close to nothing happened after revealing to people that I am visiting a suicide forum.
My parents know that, I think I once told it my sister and grandma but I think they forgot it, my 3 closest friends know it, the borderline woman I met in the clinic knows it. I told it to my psychotherapist (he was okay with it), I told it in the clinic. (Do you promise to never visit it again? Well yeah of course let's pretend I did not give you a monologue/speech that I am unable to survive without it. I mean yeah I will never visit it. Lmao.)

I probably never tell it to my closest college friend. His reaction when I revealed to him that I have suicidal thoughts was a big red flag.
I have a very autistic friend who is the living embodiment of positivity. And he often calls me his source for positivity. Lol. I told him I have suicidal thoughts. He handled it better than I thought. I am not sure how he will react to my funeral....
I probably won't tell it to the woman I date.

Honestly, I close had zero negative impact afterwards. My closest college friend did something really weird when I told him I am suicidal. But as I said this was a red flag. The only thing that scares me I could get doxxed.

I would only do it with 2-3 people. Why would I want to talk about it?: How do I handle tragic fates without getting numb? How to remain humain in the face extreme pain. How can I avoid to get cynical/nihilistic about the world considering the fact we live in a world full of injustice. And I would be interested in the opinion of people who know mental illness but remained positive about life. Something most people (me included) did not achieve. Or simply don't want that.

I can imagine what your advices is for doing that. Lmao.
I will let coincidence decide. Or I will change some facts about the story to get away with it.

 

[Grumble]

Would you have any concerns about someone figuring out your username here? Or that somebody might take opportunity for online stalking? (Maybe easier in the case of a prolific member?)

You could maybe negate some risk by emphasizing how you only browse the site rather than participate in it. Or mention how you found the site only within the past year so not to line up with your join date. But I don't know how much faith I would put in that strategy. People might see through it or forget those details.

I live in Germany and SaSu is not known here as much. But if I talked about it I would probably drop that it is a international forum. And I think this is dangerous because it is not that difficult to google suicide forums. And thanks to wikipedia which sponsors this website it is not that difficult to connect the dots.

I feel like it would be very easy to figure out the site. If mentioning this information in a real-world group (in any country), I would run with the automatic assumption that the website will be identified.

I'd be interested to hear what kind of response you get, if you decide to tell people about this. (BUT I AM DEFINITELY NOT ENCOURAGING YOU TO DO THIS!... only "if" you decide...)

 

[Forever Sleep]

I mentioned it to a friend once because they have had ideation, even attempts in the past. More because they like to vent though and I thought it would be a release for them to do it here too.

Probably thankfully, they said they wouldn't trust such a place. I thought ultimately, that was probably good. What if they came here, sought out and bought SN and used it? Would they have done that if I hadn't told them?

That is a concern- you could be sending more people here and you can't know what affect it will have on them. In a way, I feel like this sort of place is one you should find by yourself when things have become this bad already. Partly why I hate that Tantacrul video. We simply don't know what affect such a forum may have on someone who is maybe slightly depressed but not suicidal.

Coincidentally, I mentioned the forum with regards to something else the other day and, they didn't pick up on it at all. I have to wonder why I mentioned it. I guess it's pretty tiring carrying these thoughts by yourself all the time. Maybe I also wanted to prepare them that it could well be a possibility that I will do it at some point.

But- why do you want to tell them? Do you want them to acknowledge how bad things are for you? Is it just to be able to release the secret- as it were?

I expect some will be curious enough to try to find it I imagine.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Whenever I have the urge to talk about this forum irl I just tell people this is an incel forum and leave out all bits of suicide. That usually works in getting people to not want to pry any further since I wouldn't want more people to find out about this place if they're likely just going to want to see it shut down.