Discussion I kept failing (trying household items)

[20ClownRules]

There were sadly many, many attempts. (These were all the way back in 2017-2021)

Wrapping controller cords around my neck, Trying to slowly but surely Overdose on meds, and trying to run away from home

But with the first and third one, I got caught and sent to a Mental Hospital (and this was hell, I don't want to go there anymore...)

With the second? My parents won't even let me take my meds by myself because of that.

I'm afraid, if I try to CTB again... I will be sent to the mental hospital again, which, isn't something I want for myself. I want to be free, I don't want to be trapped in a facility, sleeping my life away.

My right eye is also fuzzy (sign of partial blindness) so, I need to think of some methods so I can do this safely, and hopefully not get caught.

It's why I'm physically forced to stay alive; I can't commit because of my environment. Even If I were to? I can't turn the cameras off... And my mom or dad could walk into my room and take away my stuff.
Any advice?

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that when someone has limited time alone and is being monitored, ctb is so incredibly difficult, if not impossible. The reality is that suicide just isn't straightforward in this world, if there were easy ways to quickly and reliably leave this world without any supplies I know I would be long gone by this point and I bet that this site would never need to exist. But that really does sound so awful what you've been through, mental hospitals sound like horrific prisons and I hate how we exist in a world that punishes suicidal people simply for trying to leave this world which is a decision in which they have every right to make. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.