Venting I keep starting the 48hr regime...

[Rocksandsand]

... and then SI kicks in. Worrying about my brother and dad and where my dog will go.

 

[Dubs]

You're gonna waste all your meto!

 

[Rocksandsand]

Haha it's okay. I am actually prescribed it regularly for migraines, so it's not hard to come by. I just hate this fucking SI

 

[DeathImminent]

Oh shit another old member trying to CTB this is a nightmare, rocksandsand we cant loose you. Your SI is reincarnation of all ppl that care about you including us :)

 

[Rocksandsand]

@DeathImminent we're dropping like flies at the moment

 

[IsadoraBeauxdraps]

... and then SI kicks in. Worrying about my brother and dad and where my dog will go.

Hi Rocksandsand,
may I ask what is SI ?

 

[Rocksandsand]

@IsadoraBeauxdraps SI is Survival Instinct. So I'll be set on suicide for the first 24 hours and then the contemplation of how much I will be hurting other people sets in... It's not sustainable living for other people but it's enough to make me feel guilty as hell when I'm in the middle of the SN regime

 

[IsadoraBeauxdraps]

@IsadoraBeauxdraps SI is Survival Instinct. So I'll be set on suicide for the first 24 hours and then the contemplation of how much I will be hurting other people sets in... It's not sustainable living for other people but it's enough to make me feel guilty as hell when I'm in the middle of the SN regime

I understand you, I have a similar problem cause I love my mother, and I can't avoid thinking about the precise moment when she will learn that I'm dead.
When I was 19, I had a beloved friend who hanged himself. I remembered before that, he had told me that he wanted to die, but the thought of his mother was a problem. And his solution was... to just don't think about it. As if it were that simple. He made it, and his mother was devastated.
Me I couldn't do that. I can't be so cold. I have to reach an emotional outburst, on the edge of madness. It's not easy to trigger.
I like reading your posts. I like your avatar cause I loved Daria when I was teen. I don't want you to leave. But the decision is yours

 

[Raggas]

Yeah I have that too when I feel like fasting for SN. I eventually end up eating something probably because I'm feeling sad.

 

[arelia]

@IsadoraBeauxdraps SI is Survival Instinct. So I'll be set on suicide for the first 24 hours and then the contemplation of how much I will be hurting other people sets in... It's not sustainable living for other people but it's enough to make me feel guilty as hell when I'm in the middle of the SN regime

I'm sure eventually your love of others will become secondary to your need to find your peace and it sounds like it's just a matter of waiting it out until your heart is ready to let go. I still hope that you'll find away around the crap that's infesting your life but if not, there's always people here for you as you wait.