Venting i keep on making mistakes

[kissmegoodbye]

ive never made a thread on here before so if i do it wrong, im sorry... recently i keep on making too many mistakes(misunderstanding stuff, being stupid) and really annoying my boyfriend, everytime i mess up n annoy him but it starts to get better ijust do something else stupid to ruin it and i dont know what to do, i just want to stop feeling like i bother him : ( he says its okay every time and he isn't annoyed but im scared it'll pile up and he'll get sick of me and leave me.. i hate myself for being so terrible to him i just want to be better, he deserves a lot better too i just feelso guilty. how can i stop being like this,,?

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I wish I could give very solid advice, as this is how things broke off with my ex boyfriend, but one thing I can genuinely say is connect with him aside from your mistakes and go back into how you guys first met and reconnect, as after losing him… that's been the only thing that I've been doing and I was in a hard position. I think you would need some emotional space from him for some time, too, to fully gather how you'd like to react around him (if you choose to do so to not break your balance for your mental well-being) but equally you guys need sometime to just slow down. My ex rushed my feelings that of course would make me react so emotionally to want me to isolate. What I'm saying is… gather everything you knew, the peace, the tranquility, watch some romance dramas or anime, think about him, write about things you like about him, text him if he still wants connection, but regather the flow of memories and the feelings you had with him, so you can feel more comfortable and confident when you express yourself, if it is related to something. I don't know if I'm making sense but this is the advice I wished I took, as I am much content, and after losing him, as I was sharing, I felt the flow of emotions unlike before, didn't even take a breather to take it in, just worked, no songs, no nothing, no reminder, and we were rushed by time…

Take yourself slow and him slow.

Good luck, swan!

 

[timf]

Everyone makes mistakes. However, we can learn from mistakes so that we don't repeat them. Relationships start with an initial attraction. However, relationships continue because as we get to know the other person (even with all their flaws) we still love them. This love is different from an attraction love. Lasting love is the willingness to live with each other's flaws.

Depending on the types of mistakes you make, you can improve. For example, if you are prone to forget things sometimes making a mark on a finger or had helps one to remember. If you get too focused that you neglect to notice something, you can experiment with a timer to periodically break out of focus to scan around you. There are all sorts of experiments you can do tailored to a particular area in which you want to improve.

You can even make a humorous game of it, so that when you slip up, it can be seen as comical rather than annoying.

 

[Hvergelmir]

From this single post alone I read a huge lack of confidence. This will probably sound harsh, but I find it really important, and it's something that took me way too long to understand.

ive never made a thread on here before so if i do it wrong, im sorry...

By preemptively apologizing you're devaluing yourself and the worth of your apologies.
You've been around for nearly a year. The rules are simple, and you've seen what posts others make. You know whether your post is ok or not, with very high certainty.

When apologizing you're essentially designating yourself as a scapegoat. To me "sorry" means that I deserve and expect to be blamed, and from my experience that's also how it's received.
My advice is to reserve apologies for situation where you caused harm, due to negligence or ignorance - where you clearly could and should have done better.

If this post receives a complaint your preemptive apology is useless. If you've done what you think can be expected of you, to make an acceptable post, the apology is also misguided.
Instead, give a brief explanation to help others understand where the mistake originated. Then see what you can do to correct the problem.

In time this approach/mentality will make you more comfortable dealing with mistakes, and you will seem and eventually also become more reliable and trustworthy.
It didn't come naturally to me, and you might have to force that change. It's highly recommended, though.

how can i stop being like this,,?

Lack of confidence is what permeated your post, but don't hesitate to start threads about more specific problems. People are generally happy to share their different perspectives.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Basically, you're saying to take accountability when she recognizes she has caused him harm if it's something both of them know has happened and it being a one time occurrence with them truly getting it out there, correct?

From this single post alone I read a huge lack of confidence. This will probably sound harsh, but I find it really important, and it's something that took me way too long to understand.

By preemptively apologizing you're devaluing yourself and the worth of your apologies.
You've been around for nearly a year. The rules are simple, and you've seen what posts others make. You know whether your post is ok or not, with very high certainty.

When apologizing you're essentially designating yourself as a scapegoat. To me "sorry" means that I deserve and expect to be blamed, and from my experience that's also how it's received.
My advice is to reserve apologies for situation where you caused harm, due to negligence or ignorance - where you clearly could and should have done better.

If this post receives a complaint your preemptive apology is useless. If you've done what you think can be expected of you, to make an acceptable post, the apology is also misguided.
Instead, give a brief explanation to help others understand where the mistake originated. Then see what you can do to correct the problem.

In time this approach/mentality will make you more comfortable dealing with mistakes, and you will seem and eventually also become more reliable and trustworthy.
It didn't come naturally to me, and you might have to force that change. It's highly recommended, though.

Lack of confidence is what permeated your post, but don't hesitate to start threads about more specific problems. People are generally happy to share their different perspectives.

 

[Hvergelmir]

Basically, you're saying to take accountability when she recognizes she has caused him harm if it's something both of them know has happened and it being a one time occurrence with them truly getting it out there, correct?

I'm not sure I'd like to phrase it as taking accountability. I don't know their situations, and I don't know if she ought to be held accountable.
Ideally OP and her partner help each other sort things out, without thinking too much about accountability.

I guess what I'm really saying is:
Act confidently, solve problems, and eventually become confident.
Abundant apologies and extreme caution does more harm than good.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I'm not sure I'd like to phrase it as taking accountability. I don't know their situations, and I don't know if she ought to be held accountable.
Ideally OP and her partner help each other sort things out, without thinking too much about accountability.

I guess what I'm really saying is:
Act confidently, solve problems, and eventually become confident.
Abundant apologies and extreme caution does more harm than good.

Oh no, by how she praised it, she isn't accountable for anything, but you shared it should be done when it does come to that act of solving problems, which comes down to owning a sense of herself to deliberate ones ownership in apologizing when its needed, rather than when its auctioned regularly without much formality or duality.