I keep imagining my parents finding out that I ctb’d

[annointed_towers]

Every time there's a knock at the door or the doorbell rings, that's how I imagine it. They'd get a knock on the door from police to let them know my body was found. They'd be stunned, destroyed, in disbelief.

That's the one thing preventing me from doing it. My parents messed me up but they don't deserve that.

 

[fallintotheshadows]

Have you ever thought about informing them before you go if you are 100 percent sure about it? That may ease it but if not then maybe you still have something that is worth living in this world

 

[dizzdesi]

I can relate to you. I'm terrified at the prospect that my brothers and mother will inevitably find me dead. I keep imagining their faces and how much they'll be in pain...it's such a horrible feeling to be so torn between life and ctb. I wish I had advice for you, but all I can really say is that I'm sorry you're going through this :((

 

[Smelly_ballz]

I do the same exact thing. Every time someone opens a door, I imagine that being someone walking in on me dead. That's why I am going to make sure they will know what will happen right before I leave and I am going to call 911 so they get to me first. It does run a high risk of being found, but I will just try again later if I fuck up.

It is a horrible guilt as you know nothing will rid the pain. Even in death I am a burden.