Venting i keep feeling like i'm going to puke

[monetpompo]

i can barely get food down. this happened to me in high school when i was dealing with constant anxiety issues, along with the same undereating and food aversion i'm dealing with now. it feels like i'm being over dramatic. i just gagged because i felt too anxious and it reminded me of when i would throw up when i ate breakfast before school. there's some weird swirling in my stomach and i keep feeling like i'm going to puke after eating and it makes me feel like i'm a kid that can only eat chicken nuggets instead of real food. my diet is garbage, which also feeds into it. i only eat packaged ramen half the time. i just kind of hate everything i eat and none of it sounds appetizing. i don't even want to eat my dad's home cooked meals. i just end up shoving it aside because i feel sick. i don't know if i should go to a doctor or not. my crying makes my stomach tight and i just end up staring at food. the other night i didn't want to eat strawberries for some reason, so i put it back in the fridge. i just held it in my hand and looked at it, like it was something i didn't recognize. yesterday night i was clutching my stomach before bed because i was dealing with the same thing.

some sick part of my brain is saying, "at least i'm not overeating", but i know thinking like that does me no good. i just don't want to eat anything. i don't want to look at food or smell food. sometimes i cry while eating food because i don't want to do it. i don't want to text any of my friends about how hard it is for me to eat because it feels so attention seeking. the only way i can fight the nausea and anxiety is by not focusing on the food and watching a video. it seems easier to eat nothing at all even though it makes me lightheaded.

 

[kipstriesagain]

I really hope you're able to get past this one day. I also have trouble keeping food down. Almost everything I eat makes me feel ill after. It's very annoying. Wishing you the best

 

[usernamegoeshere]

i've totally had this trouble before and it comes back a lot, especially recently. honestly, if it helps to watch a video, then do it. if you can only eat junk food, do it. there's a reason why we all have safe/comfort foods, yknow? it's okay to have them. your main goal right now is to just get food down, not be "healthy'. just make it exist now, and you can perfect it a bit later!

water always helps me with nausea, so make sure to stay hydrated. crackers and toast, just small things (yes even noodles actually) can help with the nauseous feeling a bit. i'm wishing u the best of luck :)

 

[monetpompo]

I really hope you're able to get past this one day. I also have trouble keeping food down. Almost everything I eat makes me feel ill after.

i've totally had this trouble before and it comes back a lot, especially recently. honestly, if it helps to watch a video, then do it. if you can only eat junk food, do it. there's a reason why we all have safe/comfort foods, yknow? it's okay to have them. your main goal right now is to just get food down, not be "healthy'.

thank you both for your comments. not being able to eat stuff just makes me end up feeling really frustrated about myself because it's like i'm losing even more autonomy over my life. everyone just tells me to eat "something", but they don't really get that i don't want to eat anything at all. my mom doesn't really understand why i eat the same thing over and over instead of trying to eat something more healthy. it's just easier to eat something when i already know exactly how it tastes and how full it'll make me. it's also just hard not being able to explain why i feel like this. my sister's never around often enough to see how tough things have been for me recently. i'm sorry that you both deal with something similar to this. on the days where i feel really down on myself i just think that all food is repulsive. it makes sense that i still deal with this kind of thing since i would turn down food whenever i was upset as a kid.

 

[monetpompo]

update: stole my brother's mcdonny fries. mcdonald's is the one thing keeping me from ending it all