Venting I keep considering crashing my car into a lorry at high speed

[M48 Patton]

I know it's unethical and immoral but the desperation every day is getting immense. I feel like everyday I'm
gradually getting worse and worse, even if this is not the case. But it most definitely gives me that feeling.

Otherwise I only really have hanging. I think I know where I could hang myself which again isn't ideal but I think it could Work. I just need to gather some supplies for the actual act to take place. Mainly a good solid rope.

I'm sure lots of people can relate but I'm so scared of the next day and living the current day is so emotionally and physically tiring. Nothing I do makes me happy anymore. The best time is the period of sleep when you are completely unconscious and devoid of all thoughts and emotions.

I know I would be missed but I can't keep going with this pain. Im a coward for staying and a coward for going.

Im at that point where I've come to terms with my own state. I'm not scared of death. At least not the actual fact of slipping of the mortal coil. It's the process of just before the decline. The fear of pain, the fear of failure. My SI is only present due to lack of good methods and that fear of what happens if I make a mistake or the pain is unbearable.

I don't know how people manage to chuck themselves of a high place or infront of a train or truck? I mean I'm totally thinking about it and I know I'm totally buggered but why can't I just do it?

 

[lost_ange2211]

I know you're desperate but please don't cause any accidents. The chance of dragging innocent people into your end is not the solution.

Try a rather less impulsive method with more planning before hand.

 

[DepressedDude]

SN is the best method available imo.

 

[M48 Patton]

I know you're desperate but please don't cause any accidents. The chance of dragging innocent people into your end is not the solution.

Try a rather less impulsive method with more planning before hand.

It's just wanting to get it over with. I don't want to hurt other people. I mean my death would destroy my family but I can't watch myself destroy them and myself just by living.

I know you are right.

 

[M48 Patton]

SN is the best method available imo.

And if I had it I would probably take it but let's be honest it's not really easy to get. It's certainly gotten harder and not any easier.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

SN is the best method available imo.

It's still not foolproof. I just know I'll end up fucking it up. It's the worst feeling, having a will without a way.

 

[lifeisbutadream]

I know it's unethical and immoral but the desperation every day is getting immense. I feel like everyday I'm
gradually getting worse and worse, even if this is not the case. But it most definitely gives me that feeling.

Otherwise I only really have hanging. I think I know where I could hang myself which again isn't ideal but I think it could Work. I just need to gather some supplies for the actual act to take place. Mainly a good solid rope.

I'm sure lots of people can relate but I'm so scared of the next day and living the current day is so emotionally and physically tiring. Nothing I do makes me happy anymore. The best time is the period of sleep when you are completely unconscious and devoid of all thoughts and emotions.

I know I would be missed but I can't keep going with this pain. Im a coward for staying and a coward for going.

Im at that point where I've come to terms with my own state. I'm not scared of death. At least not the actual fact of slipping of the mortal coil. It's the process of just before the decline. The fear of pain, the fear of failure. My SI is only present due to lack of good methods and that fear of what happens if I make a mistake or the pain is unbearable.

I don't know how people manage to chuck themselves of a high place or infront of a train or truck? I mean I'm totally thinking about it and I know I'm totally buggered but why can't I just do it?

If you do that you will have to answer for murder in the next world. You can decapitate yourself with your car and a wire or rope and a tree.

 

[DepressedDude]

And if I had it I would probably take it but let's be honest it's not really easy to get. It's certainly gotten harder and not any easier.

You're not wrong but it's easy if you know the places to buy from, the problem is your accounts too new and no one can message you yet.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for, I certainly understand that it's so dreadful and torturous suffering in this existence, I also just wish to sleep, in my case I only wish for eternal nothingness.

 

[Metalhead]

100 % relatable but I look also at tees, drops, bridges, structures that I could crash into. It certainly brings a whole new element to driving.

 

[HopeToStay]

You must never endanger the lives of others in your attempt.

 

[mistymoo]

Im not sure what a lorry is. I googled it and it said it was basically a large truck?

While driving an suv I had a seizure and crashed into a van and then a house. I can only assume it was at full speed. I walked away completely fine. Up to date cars are so safe (even without your seatbelt.) Im not sure how well it would work to ctb

 

[M48 Patton]

If I get a chance to get hold of SN or something like that then I will.

I think the thought of ctb gets me through the day. But there comes a point when I overdo it and I get stuck in a limbo state

 

[M48 Patton]

Im not sure what a lorry is. I googled it and it said it was basically a large truck?

While driving an suv I had a seizure and crashed into a van and then a house. I can only assume it was at full speed. I walked away completely fine. Up to date cars are so safe (even without your seatbelt.) Im not sure how well it would work to ctb

Yeah a truck. I don't want to hurt anyone that's why I thought a lorry is a more imposing and destructive force against a smaller vehicle. But the chance of injury too the driver is not what I want.

But yeah a tree or a wall. Something solid. The problem is the variables. Speed. Timing, angle. The Si kicking in.

 

[ChildrensITV]

Impact-suicides don't appeal to me at all. @Onelegman jumped from a building and lost a leg. You could easily lose a limb from crashing. Unfortunately, when you're suicidal, it's pretty hard to die and life is too safe (in the West. I am sure there are fewer suicidal people in Brazil or Gaza where life is more precious).

You crashing into a lorry could kill a father on the way home to his family, for instance.

 

[AveMori]

And if I had it I would probably take it but let's be honest it's not really easy to get. It's certainly gotten harder and not any easier.

Are you in Europe?

 

[Onelegman]

Why a truck? A roundabout or a wall will do the same for you, I think.

 

[mengbao]

SN is the best method available imo.

is it really? i have heard otherwise

 

[M48 Patton]

SN does seem the more peaceful alternative? I mean in comparison to most options I have available but I hear of sources being intercepted all the time. Like some recent ones

 

[Artemisia]

Sometimes, in despair, I think that too. When I have to go somewhere I start evaluating places where I could do it, a nice stone wall at the end of a good stretch of road where I could accelerate as much as my car is capable of. But I don't like the odds, too big chance of ending up with a lot of damage but still alive.
My cousin actually died like that. Around Christmas time, after the company's dinner party. Some stupid sob had a problem with his car and where did he stop? On the side of the road? Of course not. He stopped right in the middle of the lane! Christmas party, a bit of alcohol, late night, too much speed... She was in the death man's seat. Broke her neck. She was 25! Awful as it may sound to some, I've always sort of envied her. Died without even realizing it, her dreams and hopes for the future still intact.