Venting I keep chickening out, it's embarassing

[zekeyaeger]

I guess the part of me that is hopeful of a better future is powerful. Just wild that after years of seeking a relatively okay method and then having it at my disposal, I do not press the red button. Human brain is wack.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I personally blame LUCA

 

[Worndown]

It is very difficult to complete the job.

 

[astr4]

i don't think it's embarrassing at all, this is a very hard choice to make. i don't think it'll ever get easier. it's hard to choose to kill the hopeful parts of yourself as well. sending you a virtual hug.

 

[Leiot]

It's the ultimate decision. If you're not completely sure don't do it. There's no 'Chickening out' involved.

 

[zekeyaeger]

I personally blame LUCA

motherfucking LUCA. If only it hadn't been there.

 

[ElVato]

Staying alive is the most primal part of our brain, so you will never truly beat that. From what I've been experienced, SI slowly get more and more overwhelmed by your sheer will to ctb. I know it might sound dumb or overly poetic, but I feel, at least in my case, I'm getting closer and closer to the breaking point.

In a way, I feel like it's the final irony: not being able to stop my suffering because the instinct is to just keep going.

 

[lnlybnny]

it's hard to choose to kill the hopeful parts of yourself as well.

This!

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm lucky that I have no hopeful parts but I'm unlucky that I can't access a method. Either way, death is inevitable and will happen to you regardless so take as much time as you need to figure out what to do