Venting I just wish I could be open with loved ones without them trying to stop me

[SleepingLessons]

I understand why they try to intervene, I know that I would likely do the same if somebody I loved came to me talking about killing themselves, so really it's a hypocritical thought. But I can't but help daydream about being open about my wishes to CTB and being supported. I want to be able to talk things through with my parents and be with them until the end. I want to go peacefully and calmly after spending time with everyone I care about, not slinking off into the night in fear of being caught. Even though I'm sure I want to CTB soon, I have a lot of joy for life and I just wish I could share that with them until I go. Show them my favourite songs, drink and eat and dance into the night like old times, hug them and be able to say proper goodbyes. To be supported by my therapist in processing the end. To share my love with my friends without it being weird or throwing up red flags. To talk through my thought process and have them listen and understand instead of living a lie. I'm not sure I'll even see my parents again, because if I do it might break my will and I don't know if I can cope with that. I feel so calm and sure in my decision, I just wish I could truly share what may be my last few weeks or months with my loved ones.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hate how we exist in this anti suicide society where this isn't possible, it's sad how so many people are unable to accept that not everyone wishes to exist here.

 

[kwho]

I understand why they try to intervene, I know that I would likely do the same if somebody I loved came to me talking about killing themselves, so really it's a hypocritical thought. But I can't but help daydream about being open about my wishes to CTB and being supported. I want to be able to talk things through with my parents and be with them until the end. I want to go peacefully and calmly after spending time with everyone I care about, not slinking off into the night in fear of being caught. Even though I'm sure I want to CTB soon, I have a lot of joy for life and I just wish I could share that with them until I go. Show them my favourite songs, drink and eat and dance into the night like old times, hug them and be able to say proper goodbyes. To be supported by my therapist in processing the end. To share my love with my friends without it being weird or throwing up red flags. To talk through my thought process and have them listen and understand instead of living a lie. I'm not sure I'll even see my parents again, because if I do it might break my will and I don't know if I can cope with that. I feel so calm and sure in my decision, I just wish I could truly share what may be my last few weeks or months with my loved ones.

Have you may be tried talking to them and telling them all that in your head? It might sound lame, but it very often actually helps. A lot.
And then may be you'd feel like you can face spending some time with them? You described it all so beautifully. I wish for you, that you could do all that with your loved ones. Minus telling them about youknowwhat out loud. That's just too huge a burden to lay on most people.

 

[Valky]

It really is a shame. Stuff could be so much easier not only for us but also for them :/

 

[SilentSadness]

It's very harmful how people make it impossible to discuss suicide without the threat of being abused in a psych ward. It means that people who want to die are uneducated and choose brutal methods with low success rates, that people don't want to talk about stopping the persecution of suicidality in case they are accused of being suicidal, and that people who don't really want to die are pressured to from loneliness. I can't understand why people think they have the right to intervene in someone's suicide or suicidal thoughts, but I guess humans really are such petty and selfish creatures.