I just want to outlive my elderly dog and need advice

[solblaze]

Hello everyone, this will be my first post here. For the past 2 years I've had the plan that when my dog passes away, I plan to ctb shortly after. He's the only thing holding me here. Everyday is getting harder and harder for me not to do it before his time is up, I just want to make sure he has the best life, and is well taken care of. I am married, but at this point I feel like I'm just dragging her down. She makes 10k a month to my 1.5k, our bills are split on a percentage of income, but she has no problem pointing out "if it wasn't for me you wouldn't have x", and she's not wrong, but I'm so sick of it being thrown in my face, and when I say something about it she dosent see the problem.

I've been smoking for the past 12 years or so, a pack a day up until about 3 years ago when I decided that since I plan to wait and stay here until my dog passed naturally, that I'd try to induce cancer intentionally, and have been smoking 3+ packs a day for the past 3 years, but it's taking to long. I'm tired, i love my wife, but knowing that the only person/thing that wouldn't be better off with me gone is my dog is the only reason I'm still here.

How can I make it the next 1.5-3 years i expect my dog to live? I need help to make it for him.

 

[Larysa]

I guess you could view that time period as a time to live the best possible life you can, with your dog? So reduce your smoking (I don't know the stats for your age etc but it's not a guaranteed way out and it's hugely expensive) and make a list of things you could improve and do in the next few years.

"if it wasn't for me you wouldn't have x",

That's shit.

It's really lovely that you care so much for your dog.

 

[rainseahorse]

it's likely that you're going to be fine for the next 3 years even with heavy smoking. i'm curious, why does your wife supposedly treat you with contempt but doesn't divorce?

 

[solblaze]

it's likely that you're going to be fine for the next 3 years even with heavy smoking. i'm curious, why does your wife supposedly treat you with contempt but doesn't divorce?

I have no clue honestly. She's all lovey dovey most of the time, but anytime money comes up she loves to point out her superiority.

She technically owns the dog, she had got him as a puppy, and he was around 1 year old when we got together and I tried my best not to form a attachment, but after living together and getting married it couldn't be avoided. He's more my dog than anything, but like I said she technically owns him.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

If you are married happily with your wife it shouldn't be an issue who earns more or less bc when getting married a couple makes a decision to spend their lives together. That's just my opinion. I wish you all the best and hope you find peace.

 

[rainseahorse]

I have no clue honestly. She's all lovey dovey most of the time, but anytime money comes up she loves to point out her superiority.

She technically owns the dog, she had got him as a puppy, and he was around 1 year old when we got together and I tried my best not to form a attachment, but after living together and getting married it couldn't be avoided. He's more my dog than anything, but like I said she technically owns him.

i'm assuming that you've at least talked to her about feeling deeply bothered and feeling useless for being pointed out for making less money. what has been her response for that? i'm sorry for prying, but i'm just confused by why she hasn't separated by now if she feels that you are not useful. why would she act lovey dovey at all?

 

[solblaze]

If you are married happily with your wife it shouldn't be an issue who earns more or less bc when getting married a couple makes a decision to spend their lives together. That's just my opinion. I wish you all the best and hope you find peace.

That was my opinion too, and operated like that until she got a significant pay raise and it's been like this ever since.

i'm assuming that you've at least talked to her about feeling deeply bothered and feeling useless for being pointed out for making less money. what has been her response for that? i'm sorry for prying, but i'm just confused by why she hasn't separated by now if she feels that you are not useful. why would she act lovey dovey at all?

She swears up and down she dosent mean anything by it, but how in the hell can you say something like that and not mean something by it?