Help I just want to go now

[colkatt2928]

I want to die as soon as possible, but I don't know how to do it successfully and without making a mess, and I want to do it away from home, but I don't have access to a car or anything, I know this is wrong, but I really need help doing this, I feel so trapped, I can't stand living this shameful life any longer.
I tried to wait and maybe write some short novels, poems and paint or something, but there's no point because I doubt anyone would care anyways. I'll never be good enough.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

It's awful isn't it. I feel trapped and want to go soon too. I hope you feel better and gain some motivation soon.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I can't stand living this shameful life any longer.

Why do you say your life is shameful?

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling trapped. The unfortunate reality is that suicide can certainly not be straightforward. I get that it can be so dreadful having to continue to exist in this cruel world when all that you want is to be gone. In an ideal world we wouldn't have to suffer so much in trying to find ways to leave, we would all be able to exit peacefully when the time is right for us. All that anyone can do if they want to leave is do their own method research and decide what is best for themselves. I wish you freedom.

 

[colkatt2928]

Why do you say your life is shameful?

My whole life just been a mess. I've never held the high expectations my parents held for me, I would always get in trouble a lot for never being successful in anything, not only that, as I grew up my life became a bundled mess, and now my parents how to deal with my suicidal antics while also learning about my dark troubled past.
Plus I've been told I've been told I brought shame to others by my own mother

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Plus I've been told I've been told I brought shame to others by my own mother

That is terrible. I honestly don't know what to say about that. No one should ever tell someone that, especially one's mother. My parents always stood with me, even in bad times, and I'm grateful for that. Ideally, and I'd even go so far as to say normally, your parents, especially your mother, are supposed to be your biggest champion in life. Everyone makes mistakes in life. Its one thing to be scolded or punished for them, but quite another to be emotionally castrated for them. I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I don't want to say anything bad about your mom, so I won't, but I believe the shame to be on her because of saying that to you.

 

[colkatt2928]

That is terrible. I honestly don't know what to say about that. No one should ever tell someone that, especially one's mother. My parents always stood with me, even in bad times, and I'm grateful for that. Ideally, and I'd even go so far as to say normally, your parents, especially your mother, are supposed to be your biggest champion in life. Everyone makes mistakes in life. Its one thing to be scolded or punished for them, but quite another to be emotionally castrated for them. I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I don't want to say anything bad about your mom, so I won't, but I believe the shame to be on her because of saying that to you.

Thanks so much for understanding, and yeah I know, she's still my mom I guess, and usually when she says stuff like that I usually just take it as pay back for the suicide attempts and stuff, because she usually curse at me for it but I know she doesn't mean it but thanks for your support, and I'm glad these went alright for you with your parents.