life keeps on bringing constant challenges, difficulties and overall pain...
for me it's not worth it to endure everything if I don't have someone to be with me.
it's already really bad to not have friends, to be socially isolated and so on, but not having a single person to form a strong bond with... wow. I feel so worthless and lost. no meaning, no purpose, just pointless free pain.
I said this before in the past and still stand by it: even if all my other problems are completely gone, I will still CTB if I'm alone.
I was not meant to live like this and no amount of motivational talk on youtube, MGTOW videos, gym stuff or anything is going to change my nature. I'm sorry.
I used to like so much her smell, her eyes, her companionship, the sex, the connection, the feelings...
unfortunately it's all gone, for years I've been alone and things keep getting worse, including my physical health, so there's no sign of change.
I do have a list of other problems though, so it's not like loneliness is the only reason for my CTB, but it could be. it very well could. 'cause it's a big deal, at least for me.
if Holywood had the power some people talk about, I think we would all be smoking cigarettes by now, wouldn't we? I never touched one.
I can also say from experience that life is better with a good partner. it's natural to want that.
at this point, it should be obvious for everyone that the statement "looks don't matter" is false.
but yes
@MicropBaldCurrycel, no woman would ever unconditionally love a man. because that's not how things work! men don't love them unconditionally either. perhaps we should look for these kinds of things in spirituality, gods, philosophy, maybe work and self-improvement, rather than expecting it from relationships, which are naturally so mundane, dirty and polluted.
or at least having true friends, if there is such a thing in human society (rare stuff, boy!). s
ociety is made in a way that almost forces you to satisfy all your needs (of socialization, affection, touch, sex, bonding) through an intimate relationship (dating/marriage), as friendships are seen as "inferior" and they sell the idea that you should use all your sexual energy with just one person.
I think a big reason why they sell individualistic philosophies is because we can't defeat them alone, and because unhappy people give more profits! the establishment would hate seeing us happy!
just like we have the words "sleep deprived" and "socially isolated", we should have the words "love deprived", "sex deprived", "touch deprived", because we kinda nesse these things.
we need something when we don't function without that thing. for example a car don't want gasoline, a car
needs gasoline. it stops functioning without it.
just like that car, we stop functioning properly without sex, affection and touch, giving rise to mental health problems, addictions, weight gain and loss of quality of life.
I think I would end up becoming so needy and dependent on the other person that they wouldn't be able or want to cope with it. It's such a cliche but I guess to an extent, I think there is some truth in the whole- 'You need to love yourself before loving someone else/expecting them to love you'.
I also feel this way.
maybe I wasn't made for any of this. perhaps all the childhood trauma ruined my relationships. it's the "Do you believe in fate, Neo?" Matrix scene kind of stuff. we're not in control of our destinies, most of it is decided for us by our circunstances.
maybe I should just start an addiction to remove these thoughts about "love" out of my head. worrying about something that you cannot control is so exhausting. especially when you're looking for love at the wrong "places" (relationships, women).
maybe I should be like that bodybuilder who married a silicone doll
https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/world-news/man-who-married-sex-doll-26893880
in the end, after the breakup (which is likely to occur for a person like me who is a mess and don't know how to make things work), it just hurts exponentially more... than if you simply stayed alone in your room playing videogames or something. but the latter is gonna put me in a grave eventually, as I'll just kill myself.
even if I found someone, it wouldn't fix things, I know, because I don't like myself - I'd probably not even believe that they like me.
but indeed life would be way more bearable. way more!
I'd consider myself relatively happy. I'd certainly have a reason to wake up and face the day. I'd do so with joy and butterflies on my stomach, because of what'd be about to come.
this song tells it all...
.
