Venting I just want it to stop

[onetimereject]

I have a good, supportive family. No debts, no abuse, no harassment. I get allowance to spend on whatever i like. I'm in college, paid by my parents, despite being 28. Basically all my needs are fulfilled.
Most would call me blessed. And i'm just ungrateful. There should be no reason for me to consider CTB. Yet here i am, plagued in my every waking second that i'm nothing but a burden, and a waste of resources. My thoughts are completely in the negatives. I always look for the easy way out. I do minimum effort.

I'm the problem.

They said i'm not the problem, but that's not what i think. I want to stop thinking. I just want everything to stop. Also isn't a problem supposed to go away anyway? I want to, i want to go away. I don't want to be here. But you see, everytime i think of CTB, i cry. I cry for me, for my family, my friends, my cats, all those i'm leaving behind. Even i cry as i type this. But those feelings will fade, right? If i'm not capable of thinking, these guilty conscience will also be gone, right?

I hope my time comes soon, or if not, the bravery to take the plunge. I'm considering SN actually, is purity really a concern?

 

[didntmeantohauntyou]

Yes SN purity is definitely a concern. Testing it is ideal.

I just want to say that you dont have to have a shit life to want to ctb. Sounds like youre struggling just beyond what your life is on paper. Mental health is complicated like that. I hope you're able to find some peace through ctb If thats your option.

 

[FuneralCry]

I see wanting to die as always being a valid way to feel even if other people are in more torturous circumstances, everyone has the right to want to die. But anyway best wishes.