I just want intimacy goddamn it

[fufa]

I feel like things would actually improve if I had some form of close intimate relationship. Someone to support who actually supports me back. I'm 20 and I feel like I've mostly missed my chance, my friends are getting married and I've never had a partner in my life. It seems to me like Tinder and whatnot have mostly ruined my chances by allowing people to select entirely for superficial characteristics and instant gratification. There's no love left, just a petty competition where I have to compete with every other male in my vicinity for the privilege of buying someone else dinner in exchange for affectionless sex. I feel so burnt out from being alone but have no hope of changing it, I'm too sensitive and everyone else is too shallow. Really struggling to come to terms with this, but it seems like reality.

 

[WornOutLife]

You haven't missed your chance. 20 is really young.

I actually had my first "serious" relationship when I was 23.

Hope things can better somehow and you find someone to love.

Hugs,

Matt

 

[ExhaustedExistence]

I'm 20 too. I've never been in a relationship and I missed everything. Everybody thinks I'm weird and so do I.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

20 should still be young enough to turn things around. Hopefully you won't have to rely on lame services like Tinder to do so though.

Wait til you hit 27, or even 25. I speak from my experience at having no experience. That's when it REALLY starts feeling utterly hopeless for this sort of thing...

 

[blacktrain98]

my advice to you is to expand your social circle in a natural way. tinder is absolute shit and its not worth the strife. People are genuinely out there but they aint easy to find. It's like watching water boil- it always takes longer when you are watching for it. The more people you get to know the more connections you have through them, and that means more potential people of interest. Also odds are at least some of those friends are going to be divorcees so just focus on you and your own progress and no one else. I'm not convince that early twenties marriage is a good idea.

 

[almaranthine]

Man, I'm 25 and the genuine intimacy I know I'm capable of, despite my traumas and failures, has evaded me all my life. The kind of relationship you're looking for is damn rare in this life... so many people are out seeking to use others, perhaps they aren't doing it in an abusive way, but they're using nonetheless, for sex, for attention, for a reprieve from loneliness, etc. It's not easy to find sincere reciprocation. While I've yet to find that, I think it really has to start with a form of friendship. I can't remember what comedian I heard saying this, but he was going on about how friendship doesn't make sense, that it doesn't inherently benefit either person. You don't get anything tangible back necessarily, you just know that another person is there for you. You're willing to give and help them out, not expecting a return. I don't know, if I were your age... I'd hang in there, and I wouldn't bother with the hookup apps. It's damn near impossible to start at a hookup and transpire into a meaningful and intimate relationship with no hidden agenda.

 

[Red]

I agree when people say it's harder to find when you're looking for it, even if you think you're doing it low key...

Love comes out of the blue, hits hardest when you're not pursuing it. It's especially hard right now with social distancing and whatnot but the best ways of finding someone involve meeting people in different settings other than hookup/relationship settings; a hobby or class is a great way to meet someone you'll have something in common with.

20 is by no means the end - with a bit of luck you may have narrowly escaped all that rollercoaster type puppy love and be able to form connections with people on a more meaningful level!

Much love and best wishes for the future