Yeah, it is pretty discouraging to be blamed for your problems by friends and family, but I don't personally blame them. They're using the "just world" fallacy which states that unsolvably bad problems can only happen to bad people. The thing is, none of their suggestions have worked. I've tried looking for work and going to networking conferences when I was in university, and they never helped. I actually received the dubious honour of being the first person ever in my university program to not receive a single interview from any of the employers in this annual national job fair I had spent over $1000 of my savings from my part time job just to get a proper suit, airplane tickets, and hotel bookings. I blame it on the fact that I don't have a good personality and very little job experience but I think it's obvious that never being allowed to do anything outside of the house besides going to school and doing school-mandated extracurriculars made a pretty big dent on both of those things. And I wasn't "allowed" to drive or even allowed to so much as take a walk in our 0-crime neighbourhood because "inevitably, something bad would happen to you." They even controlled what jobs I was allowed to take and barred me from working for wherever they didn't approve of. And since I couldn't drive, they chose to live in an area with no public transport, and they had control over where I lived, I had no ability to ignore them. They even made sure I made a bad impression on my last (only real) employer by demanding I make a two-week resignation and then not letting me go to work for those last several days.
And yes, they blame me for all of it, they being my family. "We were just doing what was best for you." Many people are probably against you because your family has bought you things in the past, but if you had no say in whether they did it or not, then there's no need to be grateful for it. They're not "really" doing what's best for you, they're doing what's best to maintain their control over you. Which is immediately observable the moment you start asking them to have basic respects for the personal choices you make for your body, and also observable when you make a decision they didn't want you to make.
I was actually scammed by a friend, she offered, well, forced me, really, to live at her home instead of with my parents, which I was ok with. She lied about letting me live rent free with her for a couple of months while I looked for work. I had $2000 in savings in my account but i didn't know it was a joint account with my parents. They stole all of my money and spent the week I was out using my brother to send hateful messages saying I'm a monster for hurting my parents' feelings… it's really not your fault no matter what anybody says. People like us never had a real chance. They do anything to make us their slaves and the tools available to pull us out of those situations aren't good enough. Nobody takes abuse seriously if it isn't sexual or physically violent in nature. Nobody believes you. Except the people who lived with you long enough to observe it. My friend's mom ended up trying to charge me rent and I couldn't pay for it because all my savings were stolen from me. I had to move back with them in the end. They (parents) even lied to me when I took the cat with me when I moved out. I was afraid they would inflict physical violence on him because I would see my father physically abuse the cat when he was really angry, throw the cat against a concrete wall or shove her head under a sink, turning on the water at full blast as he gripped her neck.
My close friends at school knew about all of this, but they couldn't really do anything to help. The trauma from that week I spent at my friend's house turned her into a permanently unemployed social recluse who can't speak to anybody anymore, or even leave the house. She can't even talk to me anymore. My other friends blamed it on me in the end for not having a spine, one said I should have gone to therapy. I did, but my parents had full control over which therapists I was allowed to "see", who would try to frame their therapy to make me at fault and try to make me more ok with how I was treated at home. I don't believe in psychologists or psychiatry anymore. I know they help other people but they've only ever hurt me. I just want the pain to stop. But the only way out I can see is death.
Anyways, I'm sorry, I got carried away there, but, if any of what I said resonated with you, then it's not your fault in the slightest. It's next to impossible to escape when people have a tight iron financial grip on you and society doesn't give you the tools to allow you to fight back against it. It hurts so much having to feel all this pain, be shaped by all these terrible experiences, and not even receive respect as an autonomous human being anymore by society at large for saying "I've tried my best to function by your rules, but none of the help you offer is helping me. I just want to peacefully resign so I don't have to live an undignified existence as a chewtoy for my parents for the rest of their life, then become homeless until I die exposed to the elements. Please at least let me leave on my own terms." But no matter how respectful you are, people want you to suffer indefinitely through "therapy" until "something" works… but at that point, is it just a placebo? People always say "it gets better", maybe it was less the therapy and more that they helped themselves if that amount time passed.
I think the reason I'm so adamant about wanting to kill myself rather than become a part of normal society is because I don't want to reward the society that hurt me for so long and ignored my problems with my lifelong labor. I was recommended a shelter for abused youths but I haven't contacted them because I'm afraid they'll just hurl more abuse at me for not being "abused enough" because I wasn't "beaten" or "assaulted". (My therapist told me that just being slugged in the stomach once by my father or just being groped in the crotch once wasn't enough to be considered abuse, just incidents… I don't know whether I believe that but I think I struggle to get by on sympathy in general in my experience. I really don't know what to do, now that my father caught me tying a noose while he went on a much shorter than expected walk and now I'm never alone… I don't know. I really don't think it's your or my fault though.
