Help I just picked up my meto from the post office...

[ReadyToMeetMyMaker]

I didn't think it would come so soon. I am so ready to be done with life. I am right in the middle of a divorce to the only women I have ever loved. I made some many dumb decisions leading me to this point. I really would rather not go into details. However, now i am trying to decide to... do I wait for the divorce to be over and switch the beneficiary to be my parents instead of my soon to be ex? We have two boys together. I am afraid that when I am gone she will never allow my family to see our boys. I come from a very poor family and she comes from a rich family. If i leave my family with the 500k policy they will have more than enough to frequently see our boys. I JUST HATE THAT I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO STAY AROUND. Now, to make things even more complicated she is buying me out of our business. Supposedly after paying off our debts, I will have 250k left tax free. We were worth a little over a million together. I will not go into more details of why my half is less... let's just say I made a lot of bad decisions. To make a long story short I decided to smoke weed about two and a half years ago and it triggered the worst side of me. In fact, my name was posted in the news and now I have to go through mental health court for a year. I lost everything, my wife, down to supervised visits with my children, my credit went from 800 down to 450, my business, my industry career, my income of 150k a year and my reputation. To make matters worse I found out I have bipolar. I have tried to make amends with my wife, however, she hates me.

I just don't know if I leave the money with ex...If so I don't want to wait any longer. I have everything I need for the SN method. Or do I wait and make sure my parents family gets the money. My ex will have the business which technically allows her semi-retirement and her parents have plenty of money. Our divorce and moving all the assets around could take a while. I just don't want to be selfish and not think it all the way through.

 

[Hank]

Sorry for your bad situation man. You sure you wanna do this? Seems to me you have options left. If you start living frugal, with the cash you have, you have plenty of time left to think this through, and even make a fresh start. Nothing is so bad as staying in your own circle of thoughts. Perhaps try to break out of it. But it is all up to you.

Please read the fine prints of your insurance. Often there are clauses in those insurances which means they won't pay out with a violent dead, and over here this also includes suicide. At least mine is similar.

I wish you the best with whatever you wanna do.

 

[jgm63]

Well, it depends on factors such as :

1) How much difference there will be for your family's wellbeing between waiting to sort it out vs CTB now and not sorting it out
2) How much you are suffering
3) How long it will take to sort out
4) The risk level of ending up not being able to sort it out

So you have to weigh those things up.....
Feel free to "think out loud" here on how you would assess those factors....

But as Hank says, are you sure that CTB is really the only option ?

 

[eSpJon]

Do what you want, just make sure the last money goes to your parents and not towards your wife's vacations with her new boyfriend

 

[ReadyToMeetMyMaker]

Sorry for your bad situation man. You sure you wanna do this? Seems to me you have options left. If you start living frugal, with the cash you have, you have plenty of time left to think this through, and even make a fresh start. Nothing is so bad as staying in your own circle of thoughts. Perhaps try to break out of it. But it is all up to you.

Please read the fine prints of your insurance. Often there are clauses in those insurances which means they won't pay out with a violent dead, and over here this also includes suicide. At least mine is similar.

I wish you the best with whatever you wanna do.

Thanks, @Hank . Yea, I really think it's my best option. I wake up every day with regret for my actions and tons of shame. Luckily in a year, I will be done with mental health court and not have a felony, however, thanks to Google my past will forever haunt me. I just don't think i will ever be able to forgive myself.

You are, however, right i do have some options with making a fresh start...I just don't think I have the strength or the drive anymore. I am 41 yrs old and I worked 80-120 hrs a week to obtain everything i wanted and still as i was climbing i wasn't ever happy. Maybe i have always been bipolar...maybe i was misdiagnosed. I think my soon to be ex might have been right with me being a narcissist. The more i research about being a narcissist I feel like i can relate. If that's the case, well, I am afraid I will have too much to work on and never find love again. My wife was my reason for living and now that she will not take me back I don't feel any reason to live any longer. I know that is selfish of me because i have two boys that need me, It's just that every time i see them i am reminded of how i fucked up.

I am like 99.9 per cent sure my life policy pays for suicide. I will definitely reread the fine print. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts. I have a lot to consider and my emotions are definitely clouding my judgement. So i will definitely come by to this thread as a resource. My parents are coming up to visit me next week for thanksgiving. So i want ctb until after their gone. so i have time to think things over.

 

[ReadyToMeetMyMaker]

Well, it depends on factors such as :

1) How much difference there will be for your family's wellbeing between waiting to sort it out vs CTB now and not sorting it out
2) How much you are suffering
3) How long it will take to sort out
4) The risk level of ending up not being able to sort it out

So you have to weigh those things up.....
Feel free to "think out loud" here on how you would assess those factors....

But as Hank says, are you sure that CTB is really the only option ?

Yea, i think everything should be finalized by the end of December. So maybe i should wait.

Do what you want, just make sure the last money goes to your parents and not towards your wife's vacations with her new boyfriend

This comment definitely makes me want to wait. She has been dating someone for six months, and I don't want him to benefit in anyway.

 

[eSpJon]

Yea, i think everything should be finalized by the end of December. So maybe i should wait.



This comment definitely makes me want to wait. She has been dating someone for six months, and I don't want him to benefit in anyway.

dont blame the guy, he has no idea, blame your wife

 

[jgm63]

dont blame the guy, he has no idea, blame your wife

It's not about blame. It just makes sense that in most cases, you wouldn't want your ex's new partner to benefit from finances that could otherwise go to your own family....

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

So, since this is all kind of blowing up, let's recap, for me:
1. You have to complete the divorce in order to make your parents the beneficiary. Can (would) she sign a release or waiver to do that sooner? Maybe as part of your separation agreement? Ask your lawyer.
2. Feelings change over time. I completely respect your choice and your decision. If you're not in a hurry consider setting a rule. I have a 72 hour rule. When I decide it's time to CTB I start a 72 hour countdown. But obviously I've always stuck around.
3. Ultimately you need to decide what's best for your family and your kids and then make that happen. But I'd definitely consult an attorney for any estate matters, or she can say you weren't thinking straight.