I just ordered some SN

[Lolkillme]

It will be here next week. I'm actually pretty excited. I should probably get to work on my notes for loved ones. I just hope they understand that my goal is to not cause them pain but to be relieved from my own. Every day is crushing and feels like actual hell. I need this to work. I don't want to be here anymore and need to leave.

 

[FuneralCry]

At least when you have your SN, it means you can leave this earth at any time, it must be a relief. This life can be very cruel to us and nobody deserves to suffer. I wish you the best.

 

[Lolkillme]

Thank you, I just really hope it works

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate.
Apart from notes, I'll also leave some videos behind.
I want all of them to understand that I'm more than happy with leaving this world.

Yet, I know my dad won't get over it and that breaks my heart...

 

[Lolkillme]

I can relate.
Apart from notes, I'll also leave some videos behind.
I want all of them to understand that I'm more than happy with leaving this world.

Yet, I know my dad won't get over it and that breaks my heart...

Neither will mine. I just want him to understand that I'm doing this for me because I need to. I might recommend some counseling for him or something. Idk. He's gonna be crushed.

But at the same time, how people think it's selfish of us to leave, I think it's selfish of them for wanting us to stay just so they can feel ok. We walk around everyday not feeling ok. Idk about you, but I haven't felt ok for 22 years now. I'm 28. Every day I wake up and it's just more evil, more suffering, more twisted sh*t put out in the world. More hell. I don't want to, I can't, be here anymore.

 

[Celerity]

Neither will mine. I just want him to understand that I'm doing this for me because I need to. I might recommend some counseling for him or something. Idk. He's gonna be crushed.

But at the same time, how people think it's selfish of us to leave, I think it's selfish of them for wanting us to stay just so they can feel ok. We walk around everyday not feeling ok. Idk about you, but I haven't felt ok for 22 years now. I'm 28. Every day I wake up and it's just more evil, more suffering, more twisted sh*t put out in the world. More hell. I don't want to, I can't, be here anymore.

It started for you at age 6? If you don't mind me asking, what happened?

 

[Lolkillme]

It started for you at age 6? If you don't mind me asking, what happened?

My mom died when I was a year and a half old. My dad remarried a year later, to a woman that neglected me and would scream at me. When I was almost 4 I explained to him what happened and we moved to my grandparents. He met another woman and they got married. Shortly after I turned 6, she started becoming physically and verbally abusive. This went on for 6 years.

 

[Celerity]

My mom died when I was a year and a half old. My dad remarried a year later, to a woman that neglected me and would scream at me. When I was almost 4 I explained to him what happened and we moved to my grandparents. He met another woman and they got married. Shortly after I turned 6, she started becoming physically and verbally abusive. This went on for 6 years.

Jesus Christ. He has truly horrific taste in women. I'm so sorry. Are you still in contact with these people?

 

[Lolkillme]

Not any of the women, my dad and I are actually pretty close now. Although, he became abusive too. It took a long time to work that out

 

[Celerity]

Not any of the women, my dad and I are actually pretty close now. Although, he became abusive too. It took a long time to work that out

Jesus Christ. I'm glad you were able to move forward from that in someway. Has he mellowed with age? I know mine did.

 

[Lolkillme]

Yeah he has. We've also had many talks about how things went down. I'm glad your dad has has learned too. I'm guessing it was the same way for you?

 

[Celerity]

Yeah he has. We've also had many talks about how things went down. I'm glad your dad has has learned too. I'm guessing it was the same way for you?

He was only verbally abusive with me, thankfully. My older brother was not so lucky. My bio parents stayed together for good or ill. They should have never gotten together. Only did because of birth control failures/negligence.

 

[Lolkillme]

Sorry to hear about your brother. Are you close with him at least?

 

[Celerity]

Sorry to hear about your brother. Are you close with him at least?

Not really, unfortunately. He's 12 years older than me. He has helped me out of tight spots though for sure and is a large part of the reason my dad didn't hit me. We don't always get along very well, but I respect him.

 

[Lolkillme]

Not really, unfortunately. He's 12 years older than me. He has helped me out of tight spots though for sure and is a large part of the reason my dad didn't hit me. We don't always get along very well, but I respect him.

I'm glad you had someone to protect you though. But I'm sorry that he had to.