Venting I just need someone that understands me.

[ShotgunShell]

That's literally all I want. Is that too fucking much to ask from the universe?

I can't help but find myself becoming extremely angry when someone talks about how "there's someone for everyone" - and I'm not talking about romantic relationships. Just in general, someone always has someone. Everyone always has some kind of friend or family member or partner they can turn to and confide in when things get rough. But what about me? Have I seriously been destined to creep out or scare everyone away from me?
Having autism is a fucking curse sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I actually do genuinely like being autistic, but I hate the shitty social skills that come with it. I feel like a creepy monster walking around, too scared to talk to anyone in the case that I say something wrong and weird them out. It happens every time I try to talk to someone new- I'm an ugly beast with an even worse set of social abilities.

This world is fucking cruel and I find myself hating everyone in it the more I go on. Not to sound like an edgy teenager (a little late for that lol), but I just can't feel happy for others anymore. I don't care about other humans, I have little to no sympathy for anyone anymore. I can't believe I was actually put here with the destiny to just…be alone forever.

I don't even blame people for not wanting to be around me or socialize with me. I'm genuinely insufferable and unlovable. I just feel angry that it had to be me to be the weird kid. I could have had it all, but instead the universe decided to toss me in the disposable pile.

Sorry for the rant again. It's late at night and I'm drunk again while spiraling down a suicidal hole for the 200th night in a row.

 

[Sulyya]

There is much cruelty from the world, and it's also hard to connect with people if you have challenges like this. Hopefully it is at least a bit helpful that nobody here hates you and many feel similarly.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Everyone always has some kind of friend or family member or partner they can turn to and confide in when things get rough.

I don't. I have no one. The only one I have is me. It's one of the reasons I need to get out of this place.

 

[itsjustm3]

Human connection are way too hard for the like of us. I feel what you said deep in my bone. Thank you.

 

[maybemonday]

I think I've accepted the fact I'll be alone forever. My anxiety and autism make me unable to talk to people I don't know, I think this disease so much. I just want to be normal and have a friend.

 

[Yahwa]

I feel you, I really do. I'm autistic too, and when I finally got to terms with it, it opened my eyes and made me realize why I'd always been the odd one out. The only friends I ever managed to make were over the internet, never in person. Because again, I'm seen as weird, not having the same interests as others or lacking basic social skills everyone has. So I understand. Add on top of that depression, anxiety, and a lot of other mental disorders, and that makes you someone people don't wanna associate with… But with like minded people, you can still make some friends. Have you tried going to places where autistic people meet? Whether it's online or IRL? I think it might help

 

[witheringDreams]

Things would be a lot more bearable if there was a friend :')
Haven't had a real friend in years now. And it doesn't seem like one will suddenly show up any time soon either. I'd just consider myself to be introverted, I haven't been diagnosed with anything, but it still seems impossible to make friends.

 

[FuneralCry]

The unfortunate reality is that in this cruel world you just cannot trust and rely on people, other people can be very disappointing and just cause more harm, so at least to me it's for the best to be alone. Other people can never really understand as they are unable to experience life the same way as us.

 

[SilentSadness]

I have no one likable around me either. To be honest, I am not likable so it's for the best that I am alone; there is no possibility of being backstabbed as most people do regularly. Unfortunately the reality is most people are mean to others so this won't change any time soon. I hope you find someone though.

 

[sadjenny]

It is sad and sobering to see a thread full of people who feel the same way I do. I didn't know so many of us had autism, either. I wish the world wasn't such a large place. I wish I could meet you all in person.

 

[ShotgunShell]

It is sad and sobering to see a thread full of people who feel the same way I do. I didn't know so many of us had autism, either. I wish the world wasn't such a large place. I wish I could meet you all in person.

I wish I could meet people from here too. It's so isolating realizing you're the only autistic person in your RL in a 50 mile radius. To be completely honest, I've found myself only really wanting to talk/socialize with other autistic people in recent years the worse my depression gets. No offense NTs/Allistics, but most of them really get on my nerves when they try to relate to me. They have no idea what's it's like to really have no friends or no one to talk to. Most allistics don't even realize how good they have it.

 

[sadjenny]

To be completely honest, I've found myself only really wanting to talk/socialize with other autistic people in recent years the worse my depression gets.

I feel the exact same way. For myself, I imagine the relief of not having to mask so severely. Or not having to use the social scripts that stop me from creeping people out. ("How's the weather today!") Or just not being forced to make eye contact.

Reddit has some nice autistic spaces maybe. I'm not sure? I'm trying to work up the courage to make an account. But honestly I get most of my socialization through fucking 4ch. And they're awful, but I'm awful as well so I fit.

 

[Idos]

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you will find someone one day that will understand you. I'm studying CS in college and a lot of people here have autism. I dont know if i have autism myself, but I don't have any problem with autistic people, lot of these people are my friends. One of my best friends in college is autistic and he's smart af. He's the best programmer i have ever known. I feel like CS college would be a great place for somebody like you if you're interested even a little bit in computers and want to find some friends that have autism too. I was never interested in computers but i wanted money, so that's why I'm studying cs.

 

[KarmicRain]

the world doesn't take kindly to anyone in general: this especially includes people with mental disorders. it's hard enough already to exist as a normal person: adding another layer of difficulty turns hell into hell squared.
I don't believe there's really a specific "someone" for anyone let alone everyone. some people are just more compatible with others. Only way to really tell is experience (socializing). It's extremely difficult and often for naught, but after long enough you'll be able to find someone if you're willing to put in the effort. it is human nature and about half the reason we exist. But don't take it as a challenge: just live long enough being in contact with people and statistically, someone's bound to be compatible with you eventually. Just up to you to find them.