Help i just need a reason

[ecmnesia]

anything will do really. anything powerful enough to keep me going through this shit show until i feel like i can get on my own two feet.

three more years, four at worse, it's all i have to endure. just finishing college will help a lot. I'll be a doctor then. i will have more opportunities. but how to keep going? when meds doesn't work, when you don't trust your own profession, when you have no support whatsoever, when your own family looks down on you because you want to take a break?

i am trying. i'm trying so fucking hard to stay. but everything keeps getting worse and worse, and obstacles are constantly coming and nothing at all helps me. i don't know what to do anymore. i was so sure to ctb this weekend and suddenly I got hope and now it's all gone and I'm left in despair again. i'm losing my mind. o am definitely losing my mind. i've been bad before, but this is a whole new level.

i am sorry i am unstable wreck today, but if anyone knows anything that might help please tell me. i can't take this anymore.

 

[Death22]

You're going to be a doctor?
You do realise much will solve itself when you're working your profession, right?

I'm not saying it must be a universal fix to your problems but it may very well be.

 

[hoping to lose hope]

You only have yourself and you know after reading your posts following what i could see of your story I hope you push through this part and take on the world OP.

 

[Ghost2211]

Are you in college, med school, or residency? Also what kind of doctor are you working to become?

I can't get too specific because it would give out too much personal information, but every step of the way there are resources available to offer emotional and psychological support through the process. I think the main thing is getting out of your current toxic environment. This can be a difficult path and having a lot of stress at home will only make it harder.

 

[ecmnesia]

You're going to be a doctor?
You do realise much will solve itself when you're working your profession, right?

I'm not saying it must be a universal fix to your problems but it may very well be.

i appreciate the answer, but unfortunately that would not fix things for me. and currently i can't even bare to do the minimum to graduate. but thanks anyway

 

[Death22]

i appreciate the answer, but unfortunately that would not fix things for me. and currently i can't even bare to do the minimum to graduate. but thanks anyway

I'm not pro life at all but you never know until you tried right? ;)

 

[TheEndisNear121200]

Medical students are known to be at high risk of depression and suicidal ideation globally.
The enormous pressure being put by parents and society in general to succeed as well as the fast pace of courses and the high workload in school can leave students with crazy levels of stress especially if they're not getting enough support to properly cope.
OP you are not alone in feeling suffocated by this situation and it's perfectly understandable that you want to escape.
The only advice I can offer to you is to have courage and take a break from school for a while since it's draining you so much and if you could also leave the toxic environnement you have at home, that would be even better. I have faith in you that you could pull this off

 

[ecmnesia]

Are you in college, med school, or residency? Also what kind of doctor are you working to become?

I can't get too specific because it would give out too much personal information, but every step of the way there are resources available to offer emotional and psychological support through the process. I think the main thing is getting out of your current toxic environment. This can be a difficult path and having a lot of stress at home will only make it harder.

sorry, it's a bit confusing cause things are different in here. the equivalent would be to say that I am in med school. i already completed 5/12 of my course, and then i will be a doctor. then residency should come.
i just want to help people if i get to graduate. that's all. don't care for the rest.

home is stressing me way too much. J couldn't get much help with psychiatrist mostly because I won't open. my teachers don't give a shit. and my family thinks i am a drama queen who's been wasting their money and slacking off.

 

[Ghost2211]

sorry, it's a bit confusing cause things are different in here. the equivalent would be to say that I am in med school. i already completed 5/12 of my course, and then i will be a doctor. then residency should come.
i just want to help people if i get to graduate. that's all. don't care for the rest.

home is stressing me way too much. J couldn't get much help with psychiatrist mostly because I won't open. my teachers don't give a shit. and my family thinks i am a drama queen who's been wasting their money and slacking off.

I see, it really sounds like you need to get out of your current environment and then reevaluate how you feel about everything. Does your school have housing? Would anyone be able to roommate? You're already working a profession that is very mentally taxing and then you go home to a very difficult situation. I honestly understand and fully respect if you're just done and ready to check out, you keep making statements that show you haven't lost all hope in life. I think you're just drowning in your household.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

I enjoy your posts as you are always so honest. Only you know the right answer and we will support you whatever you decide. Personally being selfish I would like to see you here until I go but don't think I am telling you to not ctb if that's what you decide on.

 

[darksideofthebright]

This situations really sucks for you because you seem to have been going through so much distress. I am so sorry all this rubbish is happening to you.

Do you have anyone you trust that you could stay with during your low time? It seems like you are really trying your hardest, but you haven't been able to open up with your psychiatrist? I think communication is important, not only to others but also to yourself to see why you are not able to do so. I cannot speak for all psychiatrists and therapists, but the majority of them are there for you because it's their profession, and they are (to a certain extent) equipped with some resources to support you mentally. So maybe talk to someone you trust, or maybe just me, a stranger with 0 judgement, or your own self (through journaling for example) to help understand the roots of your thoughts.

Like I said, if you ever need to talk, PLEASE feel free to PM me, I will try my best to support you one way or another, along with many people here! I wish for you nothing but the best!

 

[ecmnesia]

I see, it really sounds like you need to get out of your current environment and then reevaluate how you feel about everything. Does your school have housing? Would anyone be able to roommate? You're already working a profession that is very mentally taxing and then you go home to a very difficult situation. I honestly understand and fully respect if you're just done and ready to check out, you keep making statements that show you haven't lost all hope in life. I think you're just drowning in your household.

unfortunately, they do not provide aid, and i have no one close i could rely on. but i'm thinking of leaving home for real, cause i do believe this place is making me no good. not sure how i will do it yet, but i will sort something out. thanks for your support. today was a roller coaster, but i guess i've found a little bit of hope within me.


thank you all for your kind replies. i appreciate it with all my heart.

 

[Kramer]

Dr. Tenma

 

[Caspers]

I think a good reason to fight is when you graduate, you're going to help a lot of people. Remember if you help one person, you help their friends and family. By helping one person, there is a ripple effect in how many people you are helping. We need good, empathetic, knowledgeable doctors like you. You are great on here, I'm sure you're just as brilliant IRL. I'd say one good reason to stay is think about those thousands of people you will be saving. Remember the ripple effect. You're a very strong person, I'm sure you can do this

Dr. Tenma

You made me laugh so much

 

[TheEndisNear121200]

I think a good reason to fight is when you graduate, you're going to help a lot of people. Remember if you help one person, you help their friends and family. By helping one person, there is a ripple effect in how many people you are helping. We need good, empathetic, knowledgeable doctors like you. You are great on here, I'm sure you're just as brilliant IRL. I'd say one good reason to stay is think about those thousands of people you will be saving. Remember the ripple effect. You're a very strong person, I'm sure you can do this

Well said, @ecmnesia would make a brilliant doctor indeed ! Not to put any more pressure on her or anything but I'm sure she'll do great if she choses this path

 

[ecmnesia]

Dr. Tenma

lol is it too cringe to say that he is sort of an inspiration? except, you know, for the whole chasing a murdered to kill him and all

 

[Kramer]

lol is it too cringe to say that he is sort of an inspiration? except, you know, for the whole chasing a murdered to kill him and all

I just rewatched the show. It's so calming. Too bad there's nothing else like it

 

[Caspers]

lol is it too cringe to say that he is sort of an inspiration? except, you know, for the whole chasing a murdered to kill him and all

It's times like this that I wish we had a laughing reaction . Ps he was a really good doctor until.. yanno

 

[MindFrog]

Reading this takes me back. I took a medical related course and it was a chaotic experience. I managed to finish it but I felt so demoralized that i threw my degree off the ground. What I'm saying is finishing the job is important but still prioritize your own mind or you'll end up thinking all of this was for nothing.

From the amount of pressure you're experiencing right now, you've made the right move of taking a break. It sucks but its better than running yourself ragged. As much as possible, dont try to compare yourself from the other students. It's not a race, a diploma given now wont be different from a diploma given in the future.

Try proving your parents wrong by treating yourself with patience. Let them realize that their dissapointment wont do anything positive by forgiving yourself,even in just small increments.

I dont really know what to advice anymore, it's been so long since i last went to uni. Having that mindset helped me survive atleast. I do hope this helps you, or at least gave you a chuckle considering how corny this is.

 

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A reason to live would be to do the things you enjoy