I just lost a cat again... I would appreciate some kind words

[lawlietsph]

Some of you might think it doesn't have to do anything with suicide, but i am indeed in an awful suicidal state of mind because of what happened and i just can't talk to anyone else.

He was a stray cat, but i earned his trust throughout the years. Sometimes he disappeared for a week, but he always came back. Today i noticed that there is something really wrong with him, however he still appeared to be hungry and purring and just happy to see me (and the can of food in my hand). He was actually running towards me, and i can't get this picture out of my head. This night i took him to the vet, and the vet said it's best to let him go...
So why am I feeling guilty?
Because there was actually a chance to save him if we did surgery, but it's expensive and complicated, and this thing can reappear again (i don't even want to say what it was...)
There is a chance that he might relapse, or the surgery doesn't work.
The vet said his breathing seems weird too, his body was probably fighting another illnesses and he was quite skinny. She said his heartbeat is actually very weak, I don't know...

I agreed on euthanasia, the vet knows best, after all. You know he was such a free cat, lived outside his whole life, why would I want to put him through surgery, I think it would've caused even more trauma to him. And what if 3 days after the surgery he's relapsing? What if the medical bills turn out to be so high, that I have to pay all my money? I don't have too much money.

I just feel awful because I put him in the cat box so suddenly, he didn't understand what's happening... And one hour later he was dead... Did i make the wrong decision? I was with him until the end, of course.

I feel like i've let him down. Maybe I should've tried with the surgery, but the clinic is further away, I don't have a driving license, and he's a stray cat, where am I going to help him recover? I already have 3 cats, 3 big dogs in the backyard, there is no place where I can put him.. And what if my other cats can catch something too? Life is horrible, life is unfair and just unbearable.

What if I made the wrong decision... My beautiful little friend, i'm so sorry that i've let you down. I don't believe in afterlife, but if there is such a thing, I will find you again, I promise.

 

[meddle]

im so sorry that this happened to your friend cat. but you did the right thing. you made sure that he died peacefully. especially since it was the vet who suggested euthanasia, if there would be better option, he would have definetely told you. so dont be so hard on yourself, you did everything right, you made sure that your friend would not suffer any longer

 

[Redacted.Audio]

Sometimes there are seemingly impossible situations, but you shouldn't have to worry about if you made the right choice or not. Your cat deserved health, and you couldn't guarantee him that. Most people put their pets to rest because they can't provide them the life they deserve, and so did you. You're right, surgery could've traumatized him, the procedure could've failed, he could've relapsed.
The only thing you need to worry about now is your other pets. You did the right thing by putting him to sleep, sometimes that's the best thing to do in a situation, even though it hurts. Push through, for him, for your pets.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your beautiful little friend, but please know you did not let him down. By choosing a peaceful goodbye over a frightening, uncertain surgery for a free-roaming spirit, you took on the heavy burden of this grief so he wouldn't have to suffer anymore. His final day was spent running happily toward the person who loved him most, and because of you, he left this world feeling safe, full, and deeply cherished.

 

[geepeedee]

You made the best decision for yourself and your friend with the information that you had. I'm sorry it was a hard one.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

Cats often mask their suffering, just as we tend to from others. If the vet said that it was better to euthanize him, it's likely he was in a lot of pain. It's always hard to experience the loss of a life, but given the pain he was likely experiencing, I'd say you did the right thing.

 

[dreaming]

I feel similarly, if I had more money maybe I could have helped my cat recover from his sickness and he wouldn't have died so soon.
I don't know how to comfort you, or whether or not to feel guilty, because I still feel like I am.
You said he was still happy to see you yes? If you made him happy while he was alive, that's the best we can do for them, I think.

 

[Leorio Paradinight]

I'm so sorry for your loss. You haven't let anyone down. From the way you speak, it's clear that you surrounded this cat with love and care until his last day and that's what matters. Please remember that.

 

[thevoidpointer]

Some of you might think it doesn't have to do anything with suicide, but i am indeed in an awful suicidal state of mind because of what happened and i just can't talk to anyone else.

He was a stray cat, but i earned his trust throughout the years. Sometimes he disappeared for a week, but he always came back. Today i noticed that there is something really wrong with him, however he still appeared to be hungry and purring and just happy to see me (and the can of food in my hand). He was actually running towards me, and i can't get this picture out of my head. This night i took him to the vet, and the vet said it's best to let him go...
So why am I feeling guilty?
Because there was actually a chance to save him if we did surgery, but it's expensive and complicated, and this thing can reappear again (i don't even want to say what it was...)
There is a chance that he might relapse, or the surgery doesn't work.
The vet said his breathing seems weird too, his body was probably fighting another illnesses and he was quite skinny. She said his heartbeat is actually very weak, I don't know...

I agreed on euthanasia, the vet knows best, after all. You know he was such a free cat, lived outside his whole life, why would I want to put him through surgery, I think it would've caused even more trauma to him. And what if 3 days after the surgery he's relapsing? What if the medical bills turn out to be so high, that I have to pay all my money? I don't have too much money.

I just feel awful because I put him in the cat box so suddenly, he didn't understand what's happening... And one hour later he was dead... Did i make the wrong decision? I was with him until the end, of course.

I feel like i've let him down. Maybe I should've tried with the surgery, but the clinic is further away, I don't have a driving license, and he's a stray cat, where am I going to help him recover? I already have 3 cats, 3 big dogs in the backyard, there is no place where I can put him.. And what if my other cats can catch something too? Life is horrible, life is unfair and just unbearable.

What if I made the wrong decision... My beautiful little friend, i'm so sorry that i've let you down. I don't believe in afterlife, but if there is such a thing, I will find you again, I promise.

I'll probably lose my dog soon. She has kidney or liver failure or something

 

[iset]

I am so sorry for your loss!!!

 

[tzon]

It rsounds like you really cared so much about him.

Try telling yourself, that he was incredibly lucky to have you as an owner.

I'm sorry for your loss.

What sucks about pets is that they do not last as long as us....

 

[boyafraid]

Some of you might think it doesn't have to do anything with suicide, but i am indeed in an awful suicidal state of mind because of what happened and i just can't talk to anyone else.

He was a stray cat, but i earned his trust throughout the years. Sometimes he disappeared for a week, but he always came back. Today i noticed that there is something really wrong with him, however he still appeared to be hungry and purring and just happy to see me (and the can of food in my hand). He was actually running towards me, and i can't get this picture out of my head. This night i took him to the vet, and the vet said it's best to let him go...
So why am I feeling guilty?
Because there was actually a chance to save him if we did surgery, but it's expensive and complicated, and this thing can reappear again (i don't even want to say what it was...)
There is a chance that he might relapse, or the surgery doesn't work.
The vet said his breathing seems weird too, his body was probably fighting another illnesses and he was quite skinny. She said his heartbeat is actually very weak, I don't know...

I agreed on euthanasia, the vet knows best, after all. You know he was such a free cat, lived outside his whole life, why would I want to put him through surgery, I think it would've caused even more trauma to him. And what if 3 days after the surgery he's relapsing? What if the medical bills turn out to be so high, that I have to pay all my money? I don't have too much money.

I just feel awful because I put him in the cat box so suddenly, he didn't understand what's happening... And one hour later he was dead... Did i make the wrong decision? I was with him until the end, of course.

I feel like i've let him down. Maybe I should've tried with the surgery, but the clinic is further away, I don't have a driving license, and he's a stray cat, where am I going to help him recover? I already have 3 cats, 3 big dogs in the backyard, there is no place where I can put him.. And what if my other cats can catch something too? Life is horrible, life is unfair and just unbearable.

What if I made the wrong decision... My beautiful little friend, i'm so sorry that i've let you down. I don't believe in afterlife, but if there is such a thing, I will find you again, I promise.

I'm so very sorry you are going through all of this and you lost your friend ):

 

[Matchaaa]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful little friend, It must have been a very difficult decision to make. I can sense your respect for life and your deep care for him. At least you were there with him, he passed peacefully, without pain.

 

[lawlietsph]

Thank you everyone for the kind words.

He had rectal prolapse, basically a huge part of his rectum was hanging outside, and a part of it has already died... That's why he needed surgery, but even with surgery, he might relapse over and over again. I still feel guilty and I don't know if I made the right decision...

if I leave him in nature, he would've likely died from sepsis in a couple days.
If i decide to put him through surgery, he might die in the process because his body is weak.
And again, I don't have a place to lock him in where he can recover. He is a free spirit, I didn't wanted to lock him...
why do i feel like i've made the wrong decision...
i can't save everyone, right?
we don't have to hold onto life at all cost, right?
His intestine was basically hanging out from his body, this is no way to live...
He probably had other health issues too...
When he died i finally had the chance to hold his body and he was actually very skinny...
And when he got the first injection (not the nembutal, but the one who makes him fall asleep) his heart already started to shut down.. so he might wouldn't survive the surgery..
fuck i feel so horrible

 

[name2come]

You

Thank you everyone for the kind words.

He had rectal prolapse, basically a huge part of his rectum was hanging outside, and a part of it has already died... That's why he needed surgery, but even with surgery, he might relapse over and over again. I still feel guilty and I don't know if I made the right decision...

if I leave him in nature, he would've likely died from sepsis in a couple days.
If i decide to put him through surgery, he might die in the process because his body is weak.
And again, I don't have a place to lock him in where he can recover. He is a free spirit, I didn't wanted to lock him...
why do i feel like i've made the wrong decision...
i can't save everyone, right?
we don't have to hold onto life at all cost, right?
His intestine was basically hanging out from his body, this is no way to live...
He probably had other health issues too...
When he died i finally had the chance to hold his body and he was actually very skinny...
And when he got the first injection (not the nembutal, but the one who makes him fall asleep) his heart already started to shut down.. so he might wouldn't survive the surgery..
fuck i feel so horrible

You did a very good thing. You took care of this cat and when his time came, you were able to bring him a peaceful exit.

A surgery like that is a huge ordeal for a cat in the best circumstances. For a wild cat? You made the right choice. You were strong enough to show this cat compassion and care. You clearly brought this cat a great deal of joy in his life.

My mom used to care for some strays and gaining trust from a wild cat is no small thing. You repaid that trust by helping him end his journey in peace.

I get why you would feel conflicted or worried, but you served this cat as a friend. I'm proud of what you did. I'm sorry for your loss and I thank you for all you did.